Canada and Denmark going to war!

There is great tension building between a certain North American nation and a certain western European nation - and i?m not talking about the stale ?conflict? between the right-wing Bush administration in the US and the just-as-right-wing-but-a-bit-more-pragmatic Chirac government in France. No, in this case, a conflict is brewing between two nations better known for politeness, social democracy and quiet sideline observation: Canada and Denmark.

According to the German news magazine Telepolis, Canada recently sent one of its largest warships, a squadron of helicopters and two hundred ground troops to the high Arctic. The goal: to send a strong message to Denmark (which, coincidently, supported George W. Bush?s tragi-comic war in Iraq). Both countries have laid claim to a three kilometre rocky stretch of land called Hans Island, which has become a bone of contention between the two nations. In 2002, Danish warships showed up off the coast of Hans Island, and soldiers, after having disembarked, reportedly hoisted and planted the Danish flag - actions which Canada considered a violation of its sovereignty.

It is worth noting the Canadian government denies the military manouevers that will be taking place this summer in the region have anything to do with the dispute. Instead, a more generalized message to all nations of Canada?s continued Arctic presence is the official intention. A Canadian military official is quoted in the Telepolis article as stating "If you?re laying claim to a piece of land you have to use it -- you have to show that you can go there, stay there and control it[...]The Canadian Forces is a good way to help establish that." Presently Canada is involved in four boundry disputes with various nations in the region. It is not known if sending in this military force is meant to intimidate or to remind these nations that yes, Canada does too have an army - and quit snickering at our Sea Kings!

The Danish government says it is willing to begin negotiations with the Canadian government, according to Denmark?s ambassador to Canada Svend Roed Nielsen. However, Denmark still considers Hans Island to be Danish territory.

What will be the final results of this diplomatic pissing contest? Will we be subjected to a protracted public-relations war in which icons of each nation are respectively sullied? Already Canada?s popularity in Denmark is at an all-time low. Perhaps we?ll soon see a mass boycott of maple syrup, or a public denunciation of the beaver as something other than a noble and majestic animal (not to mention the best euphemism for female genitalia ever).

And here in the Great White North, I?ve already personally witnessed what may be the quiet beginnings of a backlash against Danish culture. While strolling through the UCC building at the University of Western Ontario recently, I noticed the campus ombudsman?s office (?ombudsman? is one of the few imports of the Danish language into English) was now called the ?ombudsperson?s office?. An all-too familiar nod to extreme political correctness, or the new ?freedom fries?? Time will only tell.