Al Bundy quotes

**GoLiaT** · 09-21-2003, 04:11 AM

Peg : Why don't you ever rock me, Al?
Al : 'Cause I'd rather stone you.

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:20 AM

Peggy- "Tell me you love me, Al"

Al-"I love football, I love beer, let's not cheapen the meaning of the word."

KC · 09-21-2003, 04:25 AM

Al - "Hooters or Choco Cake?"
Al - "Hey Steve, Choco-Hooters!"

KC · 09-21-2003, 04:26 AM

A real fan knows what brand of toilet Al Bundy uses without having to look it up.

F _ _ _ _ _ _ N

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:26 AM

"Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:28 AM

"Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:29 AM

"Fergeson", come up with something harder...

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:31 AM

Peggy - " Hi Al, did you miss me? "
Al - " Yeah, with every bullet so far... "

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:34 AM

"A person that sells shoes for a living to fat ladies in dresses should NOT have 20/20 vision!"

**marty** · 09-21-2003, 04:37 AM

*KNOCK*KNOCK*

P: "I wonder who that is!"
Al: "This must be the <I>IT-COULD-BE-WORSE-TOUR</I>!"

**Sloane** · 09-21-2003, 04:38 AM

Hooters, Hooters, yum yum yum, hooters, hooters on a girl thats dumb.

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:44 AM

From the pilot, Al Bundy's first line ever- "Hey, hon. Anything goin' on?" (after Bud jumps out from behind a potted plant and pretends to kill Kelly and they both head off to school).

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:48 AM

When meeting Mary and Steve for the first time:

(fourth ring)

Peg- "Now that's them. Al, another thing. Do not eat (a fifth ring) or drink anything. One of them may need to use the bathroom after you."

Al- "I'm gonna hate these people."

(a sixth ring)

Peg- "You will not hate them, they are very nice."

Al- "If they were nice they'd be dead and I'd be at the game."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:53 AM

Al- " They need us just as much as we need them. Why? Because we can do the job and you can't take a battery home to meet your mother."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:55 AM

Marcy- " What would men do if they had breasts?"
Al- " We wouldn't need women anymore."
Peg- " If you had what other men had, I wouldn't need batteries anymore."
Al- " That's what happened to my DieHard."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 04:57 AM

Jefferson- "Having sex with your pregnant wife is like putting gas into a car you've already wrecked."
Al- "Well thank God mine pulls into self-service!"

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:00 AM

Al- " What is it with you, Peg? You can change D batteries in the dark yet you can't find a 2 ton car in broad daylight."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:02 AM

[ After Peggy asks for a Christmas tree ]
Al- "What do we need something sitting in the living room taking up electricity for? We have you for that!"

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:06 AM

Al- "Oh, sure, our rights are not important? Anything a woman says is fine with us? Gee, when did men become such losers? It used to be so great to be a man. Women were there to please us. They'd look after the kids and we'd go out and have a good time. That's the natural order of things. What happened, Steve? I'll tell you what happened, Steve. Somebody told women they should start enjoying sex, too. That was the beginning of the end. Now they like it but it's work for us. Everything's work for us. It's this equallity thing, it's killing us. You know who I blame?"
Steve- "The French?"
[ Al nods his head in agreement ]

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:07 AM

Al- "A toast to the French. It's a foul little country but they sure do know how to write a check."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:10 AM

Al, to Jefferson, about Marcy- "She's got you running like a Frenchman in a thunderstorm."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:17 AM

Al- "Oh honey, that again. Come here a second will ya, let me tell you something. Now just 'cause I don't go to bed with you, doesn't mean I don't love ya. I mean, let's face it, even if you were beautiful - like that girl on TV - I'd still ignore ya. 'Cause you're my wife!"

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:20 AM

Al to Kelly- "A Bundy never wins, but a Bundy never quits."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:21 AM

Al to Bud- "Revenge is great. It's phenomenal! It's the only thing that separates us from the animals. It's why I stay with your mother."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:23 AM

Al to Bud- "The Bundys' proud name was built on a philosophy of lying. Well, lying, owing money and perhaps beer. Yes, lying, owing money and beer. The only thing that separates us from the Kennedys is that they have money."

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:26 AM

Al - "Lie if your wife is awaking. Lie if your belly is aching. Lie if you think she's faking. Lie, sell shoes, lie." (this was from episode 725, the same as Sloane's quote above).

**fiveyes** · 09-21-2003, 05:30 AM

And, finally, my all time favorite Bundyism, the bit that summed up the character of Al and his entire life:

Al, to Mrs. De Groot- "So you think I'm a loser? Just because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every morning when I wake up, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep again. So I get up, have my watered down Tang and still-frozen Pop Tart, get in my car with no upholstery, no gas and six more payments to fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes on the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would, I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman, and I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. 'Cause despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what he wanted to be, are still out there, being what we don't wanna be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun to my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!"

**snipah7** · 09-21-2003, 05:41 AM

"ashes from the past for burgers of the future."

**SGS** · 09-21-2003, 06:57 AM

Originally posted by fiveyes
Marcy- " What would men do if they had breasts?"
Al- " We wouldn't need women anymore."
Peg- " If you had what other men had, I wouldn't need batteries anymore."
Al- " That's what happened to my DieHard."

**SGS** · 09-21-2003, 06:58 AM

Al to his high school teacher: ?I am always surprised at just how easily fat women sweat?

**nosey** · 09-21-2003, 07:00 AM

"Lets RoCK"

**BabeHunter** · 09-21-2003, 07:11 AM

(the shoe hotline episode)

none today double tommrow!

**BabeHunter** · 09-21-2003, 07:20 AM

S-t-r-i-k-e!!!

**BabeHunter** · 09-21-2003, 07:21 AM

I had a dream last night. A big red haired mosquito
in tight pants was hovering over me sucking money
out of my wallet.

**Ice** · 09-21-2003, 07:26 AM

Peggy : Tell me you love me, Al.
Al : I love football, I love beer, let's not cheapen the meaning of the word.
Peggy : Tell me you love me, Al
Al : Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Peggy : Tell me you love me, Al
Al : Peggy, it hurts my stomach.

**BabeHunter** · 09-21-2003, 07:27 AM

I've got two TVGuides. One on the table and one in the bath-room. I'm rich!

Al Bundy quotes

Al Bundy quotes

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment