Marriage a Trap? What do you think?

Explain. I know I have not changed much in the 18 years I have been with my husband

So true.. Most of my friends anymore are men and they are older than me...

Weddings are big business. Conventions and the like.

When I'm stuck in line at the store and forced to look at the covers of bridal mags I want to vomit. Lies.

Sarah mentioned the big party and dress, and how she'd do it in black if she ever did it again.
Hoax mentioned friends who had pagan weddings and were much happier than those with the big weddings.

My first wedding was in the white dress, groom in the tux, all the trimmings. All of our friends and relatives there (about 200 people if I remember right), people we hadn't seen in years, people we had to be introduced to because the last time we saw them we were about 3 feet high. Tons of paperwork, had to have 'counseling' sessions with the pastor for weeks before the ceremony - and then the whole arranging the wedding thing - we were so relieved when it was over and halfway through the ceremony we were giving each other these looks like "god can't we just kiss and get it over with?"

Second wedding was a Wiccan handfasting with both of us wearing jeans and a t-shirt. The 'audience' consisted solely of my parents and our son. What my husband told me just before our hands were fasted left me totally speechless - I can't remember a word of it, it stunned me so much - I just remember the feeling of complete and total realization of just how much he loved me and how overwhelming it was.

There were just 7 of us in that room (me, hubby, my parents, our son, a priestess and a high priestess) and it was far FAR better than the pricey wedding with the big party, fancy clothes, expensive meals and limousines.

Women want men to change when they get married.
Men want women to stay the same.

Everyone is disappointed.


As long as you realise this you will be ok.

Yeah well when the girl has a secret whore track record, and the guy meets her at a party and his friends don't tell him this before he elopes with her to vegas there might be problems.

I have a friend who is dear to me but she's a total slut and constantly lies to her men. Even little white lies. Its like she has some disease.

I guess I am naive. I have never tried to make my husband changed .

Hell, I am trying to get him some hobbies... Golf lessons and clubs for anniversary and fathers day..

A couple of classic cars to work on..

It's true that friends/girlfriends/boyfriends can hurt you just as bad or even worse than a spouse.

Seems to me, it's harder to maintain a "friendship with benefits" than it would be to have a relationship with someone you are compatible with. If you just stay "friends" or unmarried with someone, then you always have a limitation on your feelings. "I can love you THIS much, but not THAT much".

Clearly marriage or even a verbal monogamous relationship isn't for anybody that's selfish or immature. Because either or take sacrifices. If you are primarily worried that marriage could end in divorce and hurt your finances, then you obviously value material things more than love. If you are worried a marriage could end in divorce and hurt you emotionally, the same could happen in an unmarried relationship.

When you want to be with someone, but never want to marry them... you are telling them "I don't love you, need you, want you and TRUST you QUITE enough, to go to that level. So we'll stay at this level." And why would anyone want to settle for that, unless that's what they feel towards their mate as well.

I don't think a lot of people should get married. I don't think a lot of people should even be in a monogamous relationship, because promises on paper or not, still hurt the same when they are broken.

But if you find someone you are 100% compatible with, why hold back? If you have any doubts, you need to talk about them before you even plan the wedding. If you can't communicate before you get married, you won't do it afterwards. If a dream wedding is all you desire, then ask yourself if you would love this person and love being married to them, just as much if you got married at a chapel in Vegas with no gifts or fancy reception to follow.

And people that actually plan having kids with people they aren't married to, really annoy me, because for some reason they think having a child with someone is less of a risk than marrying them. And who says you have to have kids even after you are married? Children should enhance an already strong level of commitment, not just be a token of steps to follow after the ceremony.

There's nothing wrong with marriage, there's only things wrong with people and the people they choose to settle for.

I know that was way more than anyone wanted to read!

i agree. some people aren't made to be in relationships.

Furious Female you sound kind of naive. Nothing personal

I'm in a long term relationship six years now, and getting married isn't even an issue. There is no lack of trust and no issues with compatibilty.

Yet my married friends all fuck around, or have cheating husbands.

marriage = death

Naive? You act like I invented the idea of marriage or as if I am the first to condone it.

I am not naive, I am just mature and sensible enough to know it doesn't take a rocket scientist to have a successful marriage or relationship headed towards it. Maybe people over analyzing the whole concept of marriage is the biggest problem?

Like I said, not everyone is meant to have a monogamous relationship. Perhaps your married friends would all fuck around or cheat, even if they were just gilfriend/boyfriend still? Or maybe they settled for less than their expectations, when they got married? The reasons are unlimited, but figuring out if you are content shouldn't be that complicated.

People who completely shun marriage, want that gateway open for a better person to come along or better things in their life to happen. A legal marriage is the ultimate seal of commitment. Unmarried couples always have a way out, without needing an attorney.

A lot of marriages fail, because people think that marriage will make a relationship perfect. If it's not what you consider "perfect" before getting married, it won't be afterwards. What exactly is so hard to comprehend about that?

If you distrust your woman enough that you can ask if marriage is a trap, then you shouldn't get married.

I think she actually makes pretty good sense. But what the hell do I know, I'm 38 years old and even though I thought I was in love a few times it was just an illusion.

Hello. I'm post #56, and I am an oxymoron.

who painted that? It's nice...

I don't beleive LOVE has to be put on paper !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marrieds 14 years ..... Gezzzzzzzzzzzz NEVER

I'm never getting married. I just wanna be rich and enjoy my money and not have a woman marry me and divorce to get half of it!

Sucks to be you

Hell yes! It makes me sick to see people who spent hours and days trying to figure out if they want a cornflower blue or powder blue ribbon on the invitations, but they don't have a clue about what the other expects out of their future life. They never talked about money. They never talked about children, religion, where they're going to live, who's going to bring home the bacon and who fries it up in the pan, etc. The wedding is one day, the marriage is (supposed to be) forever.

I think marriage is what you make of it. I don't expect a lot. I doubt we'd be doing it if it weren't for the taxes, insurance and other money/property issues.

The funny part is that my fiance and I want something small and simple for our wedding. It's everyone else that wants to make a big deal out of it.

I guess the bottom line is that if you have two people who are heading in the same direction and want the same things out of life, you can make it work. It's going to be bumpy sometimes, but it can work out.

I think marriage is good for raising children. Always sign a prenup though.

Yeah to think a day's worth of deep conversation can prevent years of regret. I think too many men like to avoid having important conversations, so it all just builds up and after the marriage, blows up and then people head for divorce. Too many people don't know their mates as well as they think they do.

Like I've said before, if you aren't getting the answers to the questions you have before you get married, you probably won't like the ones you get after you are married. Life has become more complex than in the past and it's really important to know the basics but there's no need to over analyze things, like the wedding and a prenup. Money is an important things to talk about these days, but it shouldn't make or break a marriage.

Something for all people considering marriage: You trust your partner enough to save your life, but do you trust them enough to have their name on your checkbook? Funny how humans react to different things.