Competition : $1000 Prize ... + %10

Ok long winded but here we go.

The competition is this,

I will be your student and you are to take me 'under your wing'.
You need to get me earning $2k in one month.
And $5k+ by the second month.

Now before you give me all this bullshit about yeah why should I help someone else when I could just work and earn it in a day or two, hear me out.

You get $1k if you get me past $2k in the first month.
You get %10 of the second months earning, which must be $5k+.
You also get %10 of whatever I earn for the following 10 months as long as it is over $5k.

However bonus's are given. The below table explains it.

Earnings <$5k-10k - 10% of what I earn
Earnings 10k-25k - 20% of what I earn
Earnings 25k-50k - 25% of what I earn
Earnings 50k-100k - 30% of what I earn
Earnings 100k-X - 40%

------------- These bonus's apply for the first 10 months after 2 months only!

However I am only asking for you help for the first 2 months, after that I am on my own and assistance is not 'compulsory'.

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The rules or challenges if you will, of this competition are as follows.

I have $100 via paypal for investing. Nothing more nothing less.
If however I do not earn at least my $100 back after 1 month you must refund the difference
I have basic graphics design skills, when I say basic I mean basic.
HTML Skills are of a decent standard.
Java/PHP/perl = No No. I can read and understand it. I can install scripts, I can do admining of installed scripts but anything apart from basic editing is an impossibility.

Umm... ok well spam ahead. I Don't care about any people laughin cause i don't really have anything to lose.

So go