http://www.black-market-babies.com
There is Nothing Wrong With a Free Monkey!
We have received several complaints from customers complaining that they ordered babies for Christmas and were accidentally shipped monkeys instead.
There is an explanation for this problem: we became aware in mid-December that our supply of healthy babies would not satisfy the high demand associated with the holiday season. As a purely temporary measure, we acquired several dozen monkeys and shipped them to our customers whose babies were not going to be ready in time for Christmas. As soon as the real, human babies are ready, we will ship them out in replacement for the monkeys. No one will be charged extra for this service!
These monkeys were specifically screened for cuteness and their resemblance to human beings. We apologize for any confusion our decision may have caused, but we are essentially giving you free monkeys, some of them endangered species and quite expensive. You didn't used to have a monkey; now you do. We really don't understand what you're so upset about. Please quit complaining. You will get a cute human baby soon enough.
In many ways, monkeys are just as good or even better than a human baby. They can jump and frolic, etc., and can be trained to perform tricks long before a human child can. If necessary, a small child can be tricked into believing that a monkey is his or her new brother or sister. Then, when the new baby arrives, simply switch it out. Usually, the older child will not notice any difference at all. If the older child does ask why the new baby has suddenly changed shape, simply say, "No it hasn't. I don't know what you're talking about. You're just jealous that the new baby is getting all the attention." Then give the new baby all your attention.
In sum: we're sorry. Free monkey. Quit complaining. Thank you and happy holidays.
Sincerely,
the Black Market Enterprises Team
We have received several complaints from customers complaining that they ordered babies for Christmas and were accidentally shipped monkeys instead.
There is an explanation for this problem: we became aware in mid-December that our supply of healthy babies would not satisfy the high demand associated with the holiday season. As a purely temporary measure, we acquired several dozen monkeys and shipped them to our customers whose babies were not going to be ready in time for Christmas. As soon as the real, human babies are ready, we will ship them out in replacement for the monkeys. No one will be charged extra for this service!
These monkeys were specifically screened for cuteness and their resemblance to human beings. We apologize for any confusion our decision may have caused, but we are essentially giving you free monkeys, some of them endangered species and quite expensive. You didn't used to have a monkey; now you do. We really don't understand what you're so upset about. Please quit complaining. You will get a cute human baby soon enough.
In many ways, monkeys are just as good or even better than a human baby. They can jump and frolic, etc., and can be trained to perform tricks long before a human child can. If necessary, a small child can be tricked into believing that a monkey is his or her new brother or sister. Then, when the new baby arrives, simply switch it out. Usually, the older child will not notice any difference at all. If the older child does ask why the new baby has suddenly changed shape, simply say, "No it hasn't. I don't know what you're talking about. You're just jealous that the new baby is getting all the attention." Then give the new baby all your attention.
In sum: we're sorry. Free monkey. Quit complaining. Thank you and happy holidays.
Sincerely,
the Black Market Enterprises Team
Comment