You all have an addiction
You have an addiction. It isn't a public addiction, like alcoholism. With alcoholism, the last person to know he is an alcoholic is the alcoholic. Support groups exist for alcoholics. If you go to Alcoholics Anonymous, people support you because they know you are seeking help.
You see, pornography addicts come from all walks of life. They're blue collar laborers and white collar executives; they're handsome and they're homely; they're Christian, Jewish, and atheist; they're all races and creeds. They're single, they're married and they're fathers. They can be lazy couch potatoes, and they can be diligent community volunteers.
Some want to control their addiction and some do not.
You want to control your addiction.
I say "control" your addiction, because you need to realize you will never "eliminate" your addiction -- you will always be addicted. When I refer to breaking your addiction, I mean it in the same sense you might break a horse. Breaking a horse means you gain control over it -- it submits to your will. You don't take it out and shoot it.
You're like a diabetic. Diabetes won't go away (at least no one has found a cure yet), but it can be controlled.
"But that's not fair," you say. "Why do I have this addiction?" It isn't fair. Diabetes isn't fair either. It's just one of the inconveniences of being human. Some people get it, some people don't. But just because you get it, doesn't mean you should give in to it. And you've got pornography addiction. You always will -- it won't go away. But you can control it. And by control, I don't mean you can reduce the amount of pornography you look at. I mean you can stop looking at, listening to, or seeking out pornography all together. But it is going to take effort. It is going to take commitment. It is going to take resolution that you won't give up, no matter how discouraging it gets. It is going to take prayer. It is going to take time.
Most addicts have been controlled by pornography most of their lives. That's a lot of programming to overcome. In fact, you may want to seek professional counseling for your addiction. The only challenge with counseling is that some therapists don't have the experience to help you, and many do not even think you need help. Many professionals don't consider pornography addiction a problem. Certainly not to the degree that you understand it to be. Oh, and one more thing: professionals can cost $125 an hour.
Dealing with the Guilt
Chances are, you are probably extremely hard on yourself. Your addiction can be discouraging, and can seriously damage your self-esteem. You may go for a few weeks or months without a problem, and then -- Whammo! -- you fall in the hole again. And when you're in a hole, it's easy to feel very worthless.
All I can say is, don't beat yourself up! You aren't perfect. God knows what you are trying to accomplish here. You are trying to overcome an addiction, an addiction that didn't develop overnight. Don't expect to gain control over your addiction overnight. I didn't develop my plan in one day; I developed my plan after years of trying, failing and learning. Give yourself a break.
Think of it this way. You are taking steps to change your life for the better. You are going to feel closer to God during this process of change than you have in a long time. As you prayerfully seek his assistance in changing your life, you might also ask him to help you keep your progress in perspective. Are you seeking out pornography every day? Then going two days without seeking it out is a major accomplishment! Recognize that, because God certainly does.
Being clean three days does not excuse sinning on the fourth, but you need to understand that you have actually accomplished something positive. And you can do much better next time.
My personal plan helps me focus on the goal, much more than on the problem. That's why it works for me, and I hope it works for you. I think it will. When you focus on a goal, and reward your own successes, you are going to experience an increased sense of self worth. Determine at the outset that when you occasionally stumble (because you will -- at first), you will pick yourself up and not give up. Your own plan might need some adjustments, but DON'T GIVE UP! If you've been addicted ten years, it's going to take a long time to change patterns. Start again, one day at a time.
Each day that you succeed will increase your self worth, and give you added strength to succeed tomorrow. So don't worry about succeeding tomorrow. Just worry about succeeding today, and rewarding yourself tonight.
Controlling Your Thoughts
Pornography addiction begins in your mind. Some people think about it and some people don't. For many people, pornography doesn't interest them, just like auto mechanics or gardening might not interest you. But for the pornography addict, pornography is extremely interesting.
Maybe you associate feelings of insecurity or loneliness with sex. Some people, when they're feeling lonely, turn to masturbation or pornography. Such simulated sex makes them feel un-lonely, at least for a little while. If that's your situation, you need to realize that loneliness is part of life. Even the most happily married man in the world feels lonely once in a while.
Create an action plan for the times you are alone. Learn to enjoy being alone. Do housework, or study, or exercise. Get out of the house and get your heart pumping. Don't worry about whether you'll be tempted again when you get back. You're not exercising to keep from seeking out pornography -- you're exercising because you enjoy it, you are alone and now is the perfect opportunity.
Find things you love to do, that you can do when you're alone.
Controlling your thoughts is like driving down the freeway. Have you ever driven at a high speed and suddenly heard your tires thumping over the reflectors on the lane's dividing line? You hadn't noticed yourself swerving out of your lane, but now you hear the warning of the bumps under your tires. So what do you do? Probably, without even thinking, you correct your steering and pull away from the line.
Let's say you are staying in a hotel that offers adult programming on television. Well, most hotels also allow you to disconnect adult programming. You probably need to call the front desk the moment you arrive in your room and ask them to disconnect the service. Even though you aren't tempted when you arrive, late at night you might be, and you want to make sure it is unavailable. You may have to do the same thing 20 years from now, even though it's been two decades since you've sought out pornography -- remember, you're an addict; you will always be addicted. You will always have to take precautions.
You are an addict. You have a disease. You have to take efforts every day to avoid pornography. Maybe you have to cancel your Internet account. A program like Covenant Eyes can be a great help by removing the anonymity of the Internet.
There are things that you aren't strong enough to resist. You'll get stronger and wiser, but right now you may have to deny yourself some things. Listen to your thoughts. Are you rationalizing? Pay attention to the things you rationalize -- they're probably the very things where you are weakest.
One Day at a Time
Start today. My plan works best if you start today and don't put it off. Make sure you have gotten rid of any pornography in your home. Throw it out. If it's around, you will fail. Remember, right now you are weak. You have to resist each day.
When you've finished reading this paper and understand the plan, take time to pray. You need to appeal to a higher power if you hope to succeed. Prayer draws you closer to God and will give you extra strength. In fact, at times God will come to your aid and intervene to protect you if he knows you are sincerely trying and depending on him.
I believe that a personal prayer, rather than a recited one, is more powerful. In your own words, explain to God that you're addicted to pornography, and that you will do everything you can to control your addiction, but that you need his help to make up the difference.
Pray in whatever way you are most comfortable, but if you don't know how to pray, you might try this process:
Address Heavenly Father
Thank him for the blessings he has given you
Confess your sins and ask his forgiveness
Ask for what you need. Ask for his help in controlling your addiction
Close in the Lord's name and say "Amen"
Your goal will increase. Your first goal is to go 100 days. After you've made it, your next goal will be to reward yourself after 250 days. And then reward yourself once a year. So each year you will have $365 to spend on something purely fun.
Every night, after I say my prayers, I take a one dollar bill out of an envelope I keep in my sock drawer, and put it in my bank. It's a great feeling. Every once in a while I take the money out of the bank and count it. That's how many days I've gone without seeking pornography. And I keep a tally of when I spend it so I know when I've gone more than a year in a row successfully.
AND THEN YOU ARE GOING TO START AGAIN!
That's all there is to it. That's my plan.
Eliminate all the pornography in your home Pray for help
Determine how much you can afford to save each day Pick a reward for yourself after the first 100 days Make or buy a bank to save your money in Pay yourself each day that you successfully avoid pornography If you stumble, give all the money in your bank to your favorite charity After 100 days of success, reward yourself After the next 250 days, reward yourself Reward yourself each subsequent year for the rest of your life
By the way, I have accepted the dark lord, SATAN into my heart...Anyone know of a good place to find pics of young boys?<font color="#505050"
You see, pornography addicts come from all walks of life. They're blue collar laborers and white collar executives; they're handsome and they're homely; they're Christian, Jewish, and atheist; they're all races and creeds. They're single, they're married and they're fathers. They can be lazy couch potatoes, and they can be diligent community volunteers.
Some want to control their addiction and some do not.
You want to control your addiction.
I say "control" your addiction, because you need to realize you will never "eliminate" your addiction -- you will always be addicted. When I refer to breaking your addiction, I mean it in the same sense you might break a horse. Breaking a horse means you gain control over it -- it submits to your will. You don't take it out and shoot it.
You're like a diabetic. Diabetes won't go away (at least no one has found a cure yet), but it can be controlled.
"But that's not fair," you say. "Why do I have this addiction?" It isn't fair. Diabetes isn't fair either. It's just one of the inconveniences of being human. Some people get it, some people don't. But just because you get it, doesn't mean you should give in to it. And you've got pornography addiction. You always will -- it won't go away. But you can control it. And by control, I don't mean you can reduce the amount of pornography you look at. I mean you can stop looking at, listening to, or seeking out pornography all together. But it is going to take effort. It is going to take commitment. It is going to take resolution that you won't give up, no matter how discouraging it gets. It is going to take prayer. It is going to take time.
Most addicts have been controlled by pornography most of their lives. That's a lot of programming to overcome. In fact, you may want to seek professional counseling for your addiction. The only challenge with counseling is that some therapists don't have the experience to help you, and many do not even think you need help. Many professionals don't consider pornography addiction a problem. Certainly not to the degree that you understand it to be. Oh, and one more thing: professionals can cost $125 an hour.
Dealing with the Guilt
Chances are, you are probably extremely hard on yourself. Your addiction can be discouraging, and can seriously damage your self-esteem. You may go for a few weeks or months without a problem, and then -- Whammo! -- you fall in the hole again. And when you're in a hole, it's easy to feel very worthless.
All I can say is, don't beat yourself up! You aren't perfect. God knows what you are trying to accomplish here. You are trying to overcome an addiction, an addiction that didn't develop overnight. Don't expect to gain control over your addiction overnight. I didn't develop my plan in one day; I developed my plan after years of trying, failing and learning. Give yourself a break.
Think of it this way. You are taking steps to change your life for the better. You are going to feel closer to God during this process of change than you have in a long time. As you prayerfully seek his assistance in changing your life, you might also ask him to help you keep your progress in perspective. Are you seeking out pornography every day? Then going two days without seeking it out is a major accomplishment! Recognize that, because God certainly does.
Being clean three days does not excuse sinning on the fourth, but you need to understand that you have actually accomplished something positive. And you can do much better next time.
My personal plan helps me focus on the goal, much more than on the problem. That's why it works for me, and I hope it works for you. I think it will. When you focus on a goal, and reward your own successes, you are going to experience an increased sense of self worth. Determine at the outset that when you occasionally stumble (because you will -- at first), you will pick yourself up and not give up. Your own plan might need some adjustments, but DON'T GIVE UP! If you've been addicted ten years, it's going to take a long time to change patterns. Start again, one day at a time.
Each day that you succeed will increase your self worth, and give you added strength to succeed tomorrow. So don't worry about succeeding tomorrow. Just worry about succeeding today, and rewarding yourself tonight.
Controlling Your Thoughts
Pornography addiction begins in your mind. Some people think about it and some people don't. For many people, pornography doesn't interest them, just like auto mechanics or gardening might not interest you. But for the pornography addict, pornography is extremely interesting.
Maybe you associate feelings of insecurity or loneliness with sex. Some people, when they're feeling lonely, turn to masturbation or pornography. Such simulated sex makes them feel un-lonely, at least for a little while. If that's your situation, you need to realize that loneliness is part of life. Even the most happily married man in the world feels lonely once in a while.
Create an action plan for the times you are alone. Learn to enjoy being alone. Do housework, or study, or exercise. Get out of the house and get your heart pumping. Don't worry about whether you'll be tempted again when you get back. You're not exercising to keep from seeking out pornography -- you're exercising because you enjoy it, you are alone and now is the perfect opportunity.
Find things you love to do, that you can do when you're alone.
Controlling your thoughts is like driving down the freeway. Have you ever driven at a high speed and suddenly heard your tires thumping over the reflectors on the lane's dividing line? You hadn't noticed yourself swerving out of your lane, but now you hear the warning of the bumps under your tires. So what do you do? Probably, without even thinking, you correct your steering and pull away from the line.
Let's say you are staying in a hotel that offers adult programming on television. Well, most hotels also allow you to disconnect adult programming. You probably need to call the front desk the moment you arrive in your room and ask them to disconnect the service. Even though you aren't tempted when you arrive, late at night you might be, and you want to make sure it is unavailable. You may have to do the same thing 20 years from now, even though it's been two decades since you've sought out pornography -- remember, you're an addict; you will always be addicted. You will always have to take precautions.
You are an addict. You have a disease. You have to take efforts every day to avoid pornography. Maybe you have to cancel your Internet account. A program like Covenant Eyes can be a great help by removing the anonymity of the Internet.
There are things that you aren't strong enough to resist. You'll get stronger and wiser, but right now you may have to deny yourself some things. Listen to your thoughts. Are you rationalizing? Pay attention to the things you rationalize -- they're probably the very things where you are weakest.
One Day at a Time
Start today. My plan works best if you start today and don't put it off. Make sure you have gotten rid of any pornography in your home. Throw it out. If it's around, you will fail. Remember, right now you are weak. You have to resist each day.
When you've finished reading this paper and understand the plan, take time to pray. You need to appeal to a higher power if you hope to succeed. Prayer draws you closer to God and will give you extra strength. In fact, at times God will come to your aid and intervene to protect you if he knows you are sincerely trying and depending on him.
I believe that a personal prayer, rather than a recited one, is more powerful. In your own words, explain to God that you're addicted to pornography, and that you will do everything you can to control your addiction, but that you need his help to make up the difference.
Pray in whatever way you are most comfortable, but if you don't know how to pray, you might try this process:
Address Heavenly Father
Thank him for the blessings he has given you
Confess your sins and ask his forgiveness
Ask for what you need. Ask for his help in controlling your addiction
Close in the Lord's name and say "Amen"
Your goal will increase. Your first goal is to go 100 days. After you've made it, your next goal will be to reward yourself after 250 days. And then reward yourself once a year. So each year you will have $365 to spend on something purely fun.
Every night, after I say my prayers, I take a one dollar bill out of an envelope I keep in my sock drawer, and put it in my bank. It's a great feeling. Every once in a while I take the money out of the bank and count it. That's how many days I've gone without seeking pornography. And I keep a tally of when I spend it so I know when I've gone more than a year in a row successfully.
AND THEN YOU ARE GOING TO START AGAIN!
That's all there is to it. That's my plan.
Eliminate all the pornography in your home Pray for help
Determine how much you can afford to save each day Pick a reward for yourself after the first 100 days Make or buy a bank to save your money in Pay yourself each day that you successfully avoid pornography If you stumble, give all the money in your bank to your favorite charity After 100 days of success, reward yourself After the next 250 days, reward yourself Reward yourself each subsequent year for the rest of your life
By the way, I have accepted the dark lord, SATAN into my heart...Anyone know of a good place to find pics of young boys?<font color="#505050"
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