How many times do you forgive a friend? - GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum

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Machete_

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#1

How many times do you forgive a friend?

06-06-2003, 05:03 PM

.. if you have done it daily tha last 4 weeks, and worked your ass of trying to help one of your best friends back on track - when is the time where you put the foot down and make a stand? when is the time where you say; "hey I tryed, but you clearly dont want to change, so I'm gonna stop helping you"

I have given my friend a large loan, but I dont care about the money - so that is not the deal. I gave my friend a marketingjob in one of the businesses I run, to make a steady salery. I even let my friend stay at my guesthouse.

.. please theach me how to act humane
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AdultNex

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#2

06-06-2003, 05:06 PM

You need to get some counseling, it seems as though you're being to soft towards your friend-- Even if he is a friend.

You need to stand your ground.
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Damian_Maxcash

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#3

06-06-2003, 05:07 PM

you still refer to him as your friend, so his redeaming qualities must out-way the crap he has put on you

maybe when you post a message about "that bastard"
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#4

06-06-2003, 05:09 PM

Know what a "codependent" is? It's someone who is trying to make someone change or waiting for someone to change (more technically: "a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition"). I assume that people don't change. Saves me a lot of grief. If you're not happy with this person and this person doesn't really respond to that, HE is not YOUR friend. Why should you be his? And if you're not legally bound to them (e.g., married), just walk away. RIGHT NOW. If you can't do that, then sign up with a counselor who specializes in codependency.

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#5

06-06-2003, 05:11 PM

can I be your friend?
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Machete_

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#6

06-06-2003, 05:14 PM

... deep inside I know that I should just leave my friend to fix his own problems, but its pretty hard to se a friend suffer - but in the end the only one that are keeping you alive is yourself - I should think of that a little more :-/
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#7

06-06-2003, 05:14 PM

How is he off track?
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Machete_

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#8

06-06-2003, 05:15 PM

Originally posted by detoxed
can I be your friend?

need money ?
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#9

06-06-2003, 05:16 PM

Originally posted by ebus_dk
... deep inside I know that I should just leave my friend to fix his own problems, but its pretty hard to se a friend suffer - but in the end the only one that are keeping you alive is yourself - I should think of that a little more :-/

intervention or suggest a good rehab.

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Machete_

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#10

06-06-2003, 05:18 PM

Originally posted by jas1552
How is he off track?

day # 1 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back
day # 2 : fucks EVERYTHING that moves
day # 3 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back
day # 4 : spend ALL the money
day # 5 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back
day # 6 : Diss ALL the other friends and family
day # 7 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back
day # 8 : Take Speed
day # 9 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back

....repeat....
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#11

06-06-2003, 05:20 PM

Originally posted by damian2001
you still refer to him as your friend, so his redeaming qualities must out-way the crap he has put on you

maybe when you post a message about "that bastard"

Ivo
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Machete_

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#12

06-06-2003, 05:20 PM

Originally posted by MrPopup

intervention or suggest a good rehab.

I actually drowm my friend to a rehab 2 weeks ago - but my friend left 2 days after "dident help" was the reason :-/

.. by the way - I payed for it
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Xplicit

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#13

06-06-2003, 05:23 PM

You said what you've done for him, but you never said exactly what he did wrong.

Is he just not doing his job/paying you back?
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#14

06-06-2003, 05:23 PM

I had a similar issue with a friend who couldn't get off the drugs. I kept bailing him out financially and saving his ass at the police station. One day he called me to bail him out and just just refused and left him in there for a couple of days to straighten up and have a think in the cell. I didn't really change the guy, but he respects me for it afterwards and only gets in half the trouble now.

I wish I had some advice that would be helpful.
Good luck and any decision you make, but remember that it doesn't have to black or white, you can go halfway with teaching a lesson also, so the friend doesn't get completely screwed.

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gruffy

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#15

06-06-2003, 05:24 PM

Originally posted by ebus_dk

I actually drowm my friend to a rehab 2 weeks ago - but my friend left 2 days after "dident help" was the reason :-/

.. by the way - I payed for it

You are a fucking doormat, get some help.

Saw my buddy do this for one of his friends, the "friend" he was trying to help fucked him over royally.

Guess what, after almost ruining his friends life he is 10x the piece of shit he was before said friend tried to help him.
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#16

06-06-2003, 05:24 PM

Originally posted by ebus_dk
... deep inside I know that I should just leave my friend to fix his own problems, but its pretty hard to se a friend suffer - but in the end the only one that are keeping you alive is yourself - I should think of that a little more :-/

It's easier to let a friend suffer once you realize it will force them to deal with their problem and that their problem is truly THEIR problem and not yours.

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Machete_

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#17

06-06-2003, 05:25 PM

Originally posted by Xplicit
You said what you've done for him, but you never said exactly what he did wrong.

Is he just not doing his job/paying you back?

cant go into more details than I already have - that wouldent be fair - the question was; do you forgive your friend(or "the bastard") eternally ?

My friend dont have to pay me back - my friend got the job to be able to pay for everyday stuff
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jas1552

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#18

06-06-2003, 05:30 PM

Sounds like a narcissist. I'm all for helping friends in need who can be helped but sounds to me like he'll just continue doing as he pleases and taking anything you'll give him. My advice is tell him to get over it and quit whining like a bitch. Then cut him off.
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#19

06-06-2003, 05:30 PM

Originally posted by UnseenWorld

It's easier to let a friend suffer once you realize it will force them to deal with their problem and that their problem is truly THEIR problem and not yours.

.. seems like everybody agrees on the "get out of there before its to late" solution

- again - deep inside I know you are right
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#20

06-06-2003, 05:31 PM

Darling, I'd say a good indication that you've reached your threshold is when you post the question on GFY!

If your friend refuses to stand on their own two feet, you should probably stop carrying them and let them figure it out for themselves... THAT is the humane thing to do.

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#21

06-06-2003, 05:31 PM

Originally posted by ebus_dk

need money ?

lots
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MrPopup

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#22

06-06-2003, 05:32 PM

Originally posted by ebus_dk

.. by the way - I payed for it

you are a good person.

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#23

06-06-2003, 05:40 PM

3 times.
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#24

06-06-2003, 05:52 PM

You gave him money, you gave him a job......it's up to him to get out of the gutter. Relationships like this, drain you emotionally. Get out before you get yourself sick. If he wants serious help, he'll ask you. If not, don't push it on him - 1) he doesn't appreciate it 2) he hasn't decided it's time for him to move on

You'll only be hurting yourself....the money is just material - work a little harder or longer and you'll make it back. The fact that you take it upon yourself to help him, will only hurt you and weigh on the relationship and drain you emotionally, which can eventually bring you to a depressed state.

Tell him you bought him skates, you brought him to the rink.......now skate or find your own way home!

BTW... I commend you for trying to help him.......and it's always heartbreaking to see someone hurting.......but there's only so much you can do.

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#25

06-06-2003, 06:17 PM

Originally posted by ebus_dk

day # 1 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back
day # 2 : fucks EVERYTHING that moves
day # 3 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back
day # 4 : spend ALL the money
day # 5 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back
day # 6 : Diss ALL the other friends and family
day # 7 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back
day # 8 : Take Speed
day # 9 : cry about "the one and only love" that left, and wont come back

....repeat....

Obviously, since I don't know how far back you and your friend go it's hard to comment but I don't see anything in this list that affected you directly. It sounds like he's torn up about losing his girlfriend and is dealing with it by spending money, dissing 'other' friends and taking drugs. Those are the kinds of things someone suffering from depression does.

If you said he stole from you or isn't doing the job you're paying him for I would agree with the other post that say to cut him loose. But if he hasn't done anything to you directly, as I would hope a true friend wouldn't then you need to decide if he's a good enough friend to listen to in his time of need and hopefully help him work through this bad time in his life.

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