The drunken doctor returns - last show - 1/2 an hour only - ask away

Virtually every morning I wake up with an extreme urge to piss, even when I haven't drank for hours before going to bed.

What's the deal yo?

sure... you did say "anything", right?

Is it true that if you poke yourself in the eye whilst taking a piss you can pee from your ear?

Regards,

Lee

if you poke hard enough.. and you like to "pee" cerebrospinal fluid.. yes.

i've been getting the odd irritated 'infection' centered around various hair folicles on my lower arms. doesn't seem like 'zits'. they look vaguely like mosquito bites.

do i have crabs or something?

skin stuff is very difficult to diagnose without seeing it. The possibilies... it could just be acne.. sterile folliculitis (esp if youve been using lots of moisturisers, greasy ointments, or occlusive coverings on your lower arms).. could be bacterial folliculitis.. there is a fungus that can do it too, but thats rare.

Theres even something called "spa pool" folliculitis.. its bacterial and very common after immersion in inadequately disinfected hot tub water.

see a dermatologist if it persists. Those rashes can be irritating.

Thats what i thought thanks

Here's another one...

If you take a dump and before your turd starts coming out you whack a finger up your pooper...

Where does the shit go?

Regards,

Lee

how often does he steal meds from the hospital pharmacy?

has he ever grabbed an unconscious girls titty?

would his wife let me kiss her titties?

how many times has he been berated by his boss?

how many people have died under his "care"?

has he ever been drunk at work?

how many nurses has he fucked?

Whats the proper procedure for taking care of an old chick who has soiled her bed on the ward?

Does it vary if it is an old bloke who soiled his bed?

Who gets to have the bed linen next? Is there a rotation of patients you give soiled bed linen too without it being cleaned first?

Regards,

Lee

Following on from my last question...

Has he ever tried to auction body parts on Ebay and, if so, what particular body parts and, what was his highest bid?

Regards,

Lee

quiet - does it look at all like this?

http://a248.e.akamai.net/7/248/430/2...tes/p112_2.gif

Could he tell us what that chick with the grotty gash Luc Duboi was posting last week has got (other than a grotty gash obviously)?

Regards,

Lee

no. there is only 1-2 over both arms at any one time.

what is that?

chronic masturbation...how do you solve it?

bacterial folliculitis of the hot tub variety. easy to cure with a round of antibiotics.

if its only 1 or 2 and they don't itch, and especially if they are slightly tender to the touch, its most likely a form of acne. Its not uncommon for it to show up in adults as tender red.. raised lumps.. on the extremities. Its not always the crusty, whitehead/blackhead thing we common associate with adolescents.

I have one.

How detrimental is it weight-wise to eat only once or twice per day. Here's why I ask: I've got about 100lbs I need to lose but I don't have any of the bad habits that make most people fat; I don't eat sweets or desserts, I don't snack on chips, when I eat out I don't get fried foods, french fries, breaded foods, etc. I know every fat person in the world says this, but I really don't eat that much. I have a good friend who hangs out on GFY and if he sees this thread, he'll back me up on this. When we go out, I order a regular meal like a chicken breast and mashed potatoes and about 1/2 of the meal usually ends up going home with me. I've tried counting calories and it's not unusual for me to eat a max of maybe 2,400 calories in a day. I'm about 6'4"-6'5", 320 lbs.

My lifestyle is somewhate sedentary but I do work out with weights and I used to be really heavy on cardio (treadmill & bike) to the tune of 45 minutes-1 hour day, 6 days/week. After about 6 months of this, my weight had not moved one single ounce. I am not weak or without muscle tone under the fat and I don't have a lack of energy. I have no problems with stairs or being on my feet for long periods of time, blah, blah, blah. In my mid teens I was <B>extremely</B> physically active walking EVERYWHERE, I am talking dozens and dozens of miles per week going back and forth to things like my job where I would spend 6-8 more hours on my feet and then walk back home or to the pool hall or the mall or the bowling alley and I was still at least 240lbs. If anything, I probably ate more then than I do now.

The one bad eating habit I have is that I go long periods of time between meals. I think nothing of going 12+ hours without eating. I know this is bad for me, but could it possibly be so bad for me as to be keeping me fat? I mean, if I am taking in low amounts of calories I shouldn't be able to support this much body weight, at least not without some lack of energy or sluggishness, right?

SpaceAce

STEPS TO OVERCOMING MASTURBATION
Mark E. Petersen - Council of the 12 Apostles

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so. This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once. But it must be more than a hope or a whish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you. After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethern. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind!

The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan.

This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offerings.

To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a brieation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function.

Suggestions:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell _STOP_ to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as _How to Win Friends and Influence People_ by Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have _no black days_. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called _aversion therapy_. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. _Satan Never Gives Up_. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

going 12+ hours without eating is probably not bad for you by itself.. unless you've got blood sugar problems.

When people ask me about diet, I always recommend DASH. there's loads of guides on the web about it. Its a diet designed to lower blood pressure, but ts good for everyone. It cuts out refined carbs completely.. is very high in veggies, fruits and low/non fat dairy products. it will lower bp by up to 11 mm Hg, lower cholesterol, control diabetes, and it can actually reverse atheriosclerotic vascular disease.

I'd do that.. definitely start doing fat burning cardio again.. keep up the weights.. and make sure youre taking in slightly less calories than you burn in exercise

beyond that, don't sweat it. You can be heavy by most standards and still be fit. do get a physical though to check your blood glucose, pressure, cholesterol, lipids, EKG etc.

12 hours was just an example. I went over 48 a few weeks ago due to some odd circumstances and 12 is totally normal. 16 is not at all unusual.

It's interesting that you mentioned blood sugar, though, I was just coming back to this thread to ask whether it could be related to diabetes in any way. As far as I know, I don't have diabetes but I have some symptoms that one or two people have suggested could be diabetes related. One is a ferocious thirst. I don't eat a lot but I can put away enormous quantaties of iced tea and straight water. I still don't think I am carrying 90+ pounds of excess water, though.

SpaceAce
P.S. - I think I'm pretty heavy by pretty much everyone's standards I think my blood pressure is a little high, now, but it used to be awesome. My resting heart rate is in the high 50's-low 60's range.

Get the drunken quack to answer my medical questions too!

I feel we have the right to know what happens when senile old people piss or shit themselves in hospitals

Regards,

Lee

get a complete physical just to be sure. Have you always had the thirst thing? If so think of it like a headache. just like a headache it can be a symptom of so many scary medical problems that it'd take an hour to list them all.. but 98% of the time its normal.

Do mention it to the doc when you get the physical though.

Thanks for the advice. I've had the thirst thing for about as long as I can remember. It's not stretch for me to go through a pitcher of iced tea in a sitting and the only cups I use around the house are 44- and 64-ounce gas station beverage cups. I do use a lot of ice, though, so it isn't a pure 64 ounces of drink.

I guess I'll have to make time for a doctor.

SpaceAce

you call an orderly. unlucky medical students can be found doing the dirty work from time to time also.

I drink my morning tea from a 50oz ceramic stein.. and go through sometimes 8 or 9 12oz bottles of jucie in a day. believe me, its not usually abnormal.

I do seem to get dehydrated faster than other people though.

interestingly, women seem to be more hardy in that respect. My ex would go all day.. 8 or 9 hours somtimes.. on only a few sips of soda. I'd need an IV after doing that.

and do make time to see a doc. the 'ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure' can't be stated enough.

if the worst case is true... you have hypertension & pre-diabetes.. if you can catch it and treat it now, you can probably reverse both conditions permently.

if you wait until you are symptomatic, you have to make far more extreme lifestyle changes to turn things around.. and permanent damage may have already occoured.

Dude, where can I get one of those? I am serious. Did it come from a chain? I currently use this 2QT Cleveland Browns insulated mug, but it's cracked. I once had this really badass movie theater soda cup that must have held 80ozs, seriously. It had a huge handle and barely fit in my refrigerator, but it's gone, now, too. I need to find some huge cups for keeping in the house.

Also, I usually make my iced tea 2 gallons at a time. Normally, it lasts around a day, day and a half if I drink other things, too. Right now I am making instant iced tea in a 2QT pitcher, but that's going to stop as soon as I buy a new 2 gallon water jug.

SpaceAce

See, I know I should get checked out. I don't want to end up having to get shit amputated because I didn't act quick enough. You're a doctor, though, so you know how stupid guys like me can be. If I'm not gushing arterial blood (or bleeding from the ear like happened a couple of years ago), I am reluctant to see the doctor.

SpaceAce

Space Ace - One thing to keep in mind regarding all the juice you drink. If you're talking about fruit juice in the quantities you mention, then you are taking in a shitpile of sugar and thus your insulin levels are completely fucked! With the amount of fluids you're talking about you are easily taking in 150+ sugar carbs a day. From my own experience, if you substituted water for the juice you would be melting the fat with ease and your pancreas would love you.

Its german.. a girl I dated in college bought it for me. No idea where I'd find another if it got broke.

2 gallons a day isn't too bad. The military & us athletic org's produce standardized hydration guidelines. The body can only absorb 40oz or so in an hour.. they recommend 1 quart/hour during exercise in heat.. never more than 1 1/2 quarts an hour, and never more than 12 quarts in a 24 hour period.

The upper limits are there because if you exceed them, the fluid intake can dilute your plasma sodium levels and you end up with salt cravings and even hyponatremia.. somtimes known as "water intoxication" Its rare, but a few people die from it every year.. mostly after athletic events.

Gutterboy - good points about overdoing it on the water. I drink about 2 gallons a day myself and that seems to be a good level. I knew a guy who was a total freak about drinking water and indeed he screwed his body chemistry.

Hi, DTK. I drink iced tea and water almost exclusively. Occasionally a glass of orange juice or milk and once in a while a soda. Mostly iced tea and water, though.

SpaceAce

They're actually 2-1/2 gallon jugs now that I have a look at one. That's on top of anything I drink while I am out of the house, which is usually more iced tea. It's also a steady intake, whether I am active for the day or not.

SpaceAce

If his insulin levels we're "completely fucked" he'd know it. If nothing else it'd be exacerbated so badly by his fast for 16 hours then eat meal habits that he wouldn't be here asking questions, he'd be in the hospital.

Well shit! I thought I had your problem solved LOL. So, you are taking in less than 100 carbs a day and consuming a couple gallons of water a day and you're still not burning fat. 90% of overweight people would be burning fat on that regimen alone and on top of that you are fairly active.

I'm no more of a fan of going to the doctor than you are, but I really think you should get a thorough physical. Either you are carb sensitive in the extreme or something else is going on.

Something else to remember is that these guidelines.. like most general dietary & medical guidelines.. are produced for the "average american male" 5'9", 165lbs type.

Actually, I'm only "fairly active" in the sense that I still hit the weights. I'm actually at the least active point in my life, right now, but the weight thing has always (well, since I was 12 or 13) been a problem. I didn't just get fat since I started slowing down.

I suppose a trip to the doc is in order.

SpaceAce

Yes, that's true, I am definitely on the the steep slope of the bell curve.

SpaceAce

350lbs on a large 6'5" frame is not necessarily unhealthy. There is good evidence that the body has a genetically determined weight from which deviations become increasingly difficult to maintain as they get larger.

His physique certainly ain't average.. but its no more wrong than someone at the very lean end of the spectrum.

In the absence of diabetes, heart disease or hypertension.. as long as you're exercising and eating decently.. its not troubling from a medical standpoint.

Space Ace - I'm not a doctor but I'll play one on gfy ;) Everything you've said would indicate a solid possibility of being extremely carb sensitive. That said, there are plenty of other conditions that could explain your situation. Thus you are right that a visit to the doc is in order (uggghh).

From what you have said, you seem to be taking decent care of yourself, so get yourself checked out and see if there is some other factor in play.

Yep, again I agree with what you are saying. When you take into account what SA says about not having wild energy swings, it makes even more sense.

Even still, adult onset diabetes is one of those insidious, creeping ailments that fucks you while you are not looking. Certainly Space Ace would be doing himself no harm getting a thorourgh checkup, yes?

As far as I know, there is no history of heart disease in my family. My father is adopted, so I don't know much about his real family history but he has abused his body in some amazing ways and is still walking, so I think my genetics are pretty strong. Cancer took down my grandfather on my mother's side in his 70's, but again no heart or blood pressure problems that I know of.

SpaceAce

RE what you said about carbs: if I have one food weakness, it's breads and potatoes but certainly not enough to account for my size under normal circumstances.

My uncle on my mother's side is the only other overweight person in my family and he does suffer from adult onset diabetes. Perhaps there is something on the Y chromosome

SpaceAce

every adult over 20 should get a full workup.. blood pressure, EKG, fasting lipid panel etc. If its all good the first time, repeat in 5. all kinds of stuff gets caught that way.

I had a 21 year old college swimmer brought in with a concussion late last year. His head was fine, but his resting bp was sitting at around 155/95. seen a fit 18 year old girl for something unrelated whose bloodwork returned a total cholesterol level of 450 too.

Bastard never answered my question. Hope he gets busted for malpractice.

Next!

Well that 6'5" and 350lb's gives a BMI of 41.5. Losing weight would be the best thing you could do for your health, assuming you don't smoke