By request, I will now post the Buff review of X-2: Mutant Geeks' Wet Dream.
This movie sucked. Hard. From the moment Reggie and I took our seats and had to watch the 400 Pounders Club waddle in and wheeze their way up the stairs, revving their oversized hearts up to 420 beats/min and plopping into their seats like tranquilized hippos, I knew this movie was gonna suck. Let's face it, nothing brings the lard ass stay-at-homes out like a good old-fashioned if-you-don't-read-the-comic-book-and-all-of-the-accompanying-literature-on-the-internet-you'll-never-get-the-inside-jokes-made-just-for-your-ilk movie. I hate those movies.
But, let's be clear, not everything about this movie sucked. While the masses (pun intended) cheered for that halfwit kleptomaniac with the Elvis sideburns, I was hoping Magneto would destroy the X-Pussies. I know Magneto used to kick their ass when I picked him and Juggernaut at the arcade for Marvel vs Capcom. I used to fuck up everyone who dared play me -- even the Asian kids. Magneto would wrap those pussies in metal and blast them with that metal storm of his -- like 26 hits! No one could survive that shit. And Juggernaut's double fisted punch. Fuck you! There's half your life gone. What a team.
But do those overweight nacho-stuffing snackasauruses care? No. They like to cheer everytime Wolverine steals one of Cyclops' vehicles. Here's Cyclops, minding his own business, trying to keep shit running at the school, trying to do maintenance on all the vehicles and shit, and Wolverine is out joyriding on Cyclops' bike without even asking for permission. Hey fuckface, how about doing some work around the house instead of being a selfish prick? Wanna know why the fucking jet couldn't lift off and the cute chick died? Because you didn't do any fucking maintenance. You think those vehicles clean themselves? You think some Mexican laborers at $2/hr. know how to overhaul the transmission in a supersonic stealth jet? Way to be a team player, wondernuts. Why not just put the moves on Cyclops' girlfriend? Oh wait, you did. Shithead.
But here's the real reason I hate Wolverine: he's a fucking retard. You've got a chick who tries to seduce you, and you turn her down. Ok, that doesn't sound so bad, right? But this chick can turn into any fucking chick she wants (or, memo to fucking idiot: any chick you want)! "Hey, honey, can you be Angelina Jolie tonight, because I'm getting tired of assfucking Halle Berry. Thanks, babe. Wait, what are you doing? I told you to be Jenny McCarthy in a schoolgirl outfit when you bring me my fucking beers, you dumb bitch." How fucking stupid do you have to be to pass that shit up? Magneto was tapping that, wasn't he? He even bragged about it, and who could blame him?
That pretty much sums up how bad the movie was: You have a retard on one side and dude who gets to fuck any woman he wants on the other. And the retard's side wins. And I'm supposed to like this shit?
This movie sucked. Hard. From the moment Reggie and I took our seats and had to watch the 400 Pounders Club waddle in and wheeze their way up the stairs, revving their oversized hearts up to 420 beats/min and plopping into their seats like tranquilized hippos, I knew this movie was gonna suck. Let's face it, nothing brings the lard ass stay-at-homes out like a good old-fashioned if-you-don't-read-the-comic-book-and-all-of-the-accompanying-literature-on-the-internet-you'll-never-get-the-inside-jokes-made-just-for-your-ilk movie. I hate those movies.
But, let's be clear, not everything about this movie sucked. While the masses (pun intended) cheered for that halfwit kleptomaniac with the Elvis sideburns, I was hoping Magneto would destroy the X-Pussies. I know Magneto used to kick their ass when I picked him and Juggernaut at the arcade for Marvel vs Capcom. I used to fuck up everyone who dared play me -- even the Asian kids. Magneto would wrap those pussies in metal and blast them with that metal storm of his -- like 26 hits! No one could survive that shit. And Juggernaut's double fisted punch. Fuck you! There's half your life gone. What a team.
But do those overweight nacho-stuffing snackasauruses care? No. They like to cheer everytime Wolverine steals one of Cyclops' vehicles. Here's Cyclops, minding his own business, trying to keep shit running at the school, trying to do maintenance on all the vehicles and shit, and Wolverine is out joyriding on Cyclops' bike without even asking for permission. Hey fuckface, how about doing some work around the house instead of being a selfish prick? Wanna know why the fucking jet couldn't lift off and the cute chick died? Because you didn't do any fucking maintenance. You think those vehicles clean themselves? You think some Mexican laborers at $2/hr. know how to overhaul the transmission in a supersonic stealth jet? Way to be a team player, wondernuts. Why not just put the moves on Cyclops' girlfriend? Oh wait, you did. Shithead.
But here's the real reason I hate Wolverine: he's a fucking retard. You've got a chick who tries to seduce you, and you turn her down. Ok, that doesn't sound so bad, right? But this chick can turn into any fucking chick she wants (or, memo to fucking idiot: any chick you want)! "Hey, honey, can you be Angelina Jolie tonight, because I'm getting tired of assfucking Halle Berry. Thanks, babe. Wait, what are you doing? I told you to be Jenny McCarthy in a schoolgirl outfit when you bring me my fucking beers, you dumb bitch." How fucking stupid do you have to be to pass that shit up? Magneto was tapping that, wasn't he? He even bragged about it, and who could blame him?
That pretty much sums up how bad the movie was: You have a retard on one side and dude who gets to fuck any woman he wants on the other. And the retard's side wins. And I'm supposed to like this shit?
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