I need a porn mentor.

what, no one else wants to post in this thread?

Why don't you model yourself after Amp? It's easy:
Show up out of nowhere.
Be sickeningly nice and helpful at first.
Post helpful Photoshop tips when people have problems.
Make yourself aware of the pecking order, so that you know whose ass to crawl into.
Cheat in design competitions.
Try and post more every day.
Overprice your services, so that you can have lots of free time in between jobs.
Use your free time to post even more every day.
Not only your post count is important, start as many threads as you possibly can.
Start making more and more totally pointless posts/threads.
Throw in more and more really obnoxious comments.
Whack off whenever you manage to have 20 self-started threads on page 1.

The pitfall to watch out for: it's addictive. You might find yourself promising/threatening to never post here again, but find yourself unable to stay away. This will make you angry, you'll sart singling out random people to launch pointless attacks on. In the long run this will harm your business, because people will start thinking that you're a paranoid schizophrenic, or that you have a borderline personality, and be scared off, as no right-minded person wants his business handled by a raving lunatic.

This sounds like a lot of work and quite frankly, I have 167 posts and I'm already totally exhausted. Maybe I'll try just building better sites. Hmmm... it's just crazy enough to work.

email me and I'll have a look at what you're doing. In the morning, that is.

[email protected] should do the trick... make sure and mention the post since I'm really tired and probably mental...

What do you have to offer in return?

What kind of help you need?

Give us examples!

Are you doing galleries? Free sites? AVS? Top lists?

It's hard to help you out if we don't know what you're already doing.

I can offer YOU alot, what can you offer ME?

if you want help on viral marketing, let me know. THat's what I do.

Shucks I had no idea anyone would really respond. I just wanted to see this picture. I probably will email KimmyKim anyway because I do have spotbrokers questions. And I haven't got much to offer but traffic and sex. I know, I know, STFU n00b.

What kind of traffic? And what kind of sex?