Room Mate - Give Me Options

stick a black dildo in his ass while he sleeps.

That or lace his pot with something fierce.

That'll teach the fucker.

It's his aprtment too, but it's completely your stuff. Move out. find a decent roommate, and get your own place.

Yah, I respect it's his...which is why I wouldn't even mind people over, 3, 4, 5, 6 'nights' a week. With the current situation, they're over 7 days a week, ranging anywhere from 4 to 12 hours a day.

I already informed them to not touch any of my stuff again, including my couch, TV, and all the shit I mentioned. I guess I will move out and find a new place. It's sad they've had the disrespect to go this far, as far as to force me out of my own apartment.

kick him out and make your bitch pay half the rent

Is it your place or did you rent from him? If it is yours kick him the fuck out!

We rented together...I pay the bills, he writes me a check for half the rent. Went into this cooperatively (little did I know what I was in store for).

I don't even mind paying the full rent, money isn't the issue...but what real justification do I have for "kicking him out". What I've done is told him not to touch any of my shit (95% of this place). So hopefully that's enough incentive for him to get the hell out.

Go to the surlplus store, buy some miltary gear. Come home in uniform, armed.

Then tell him and his friends the have 72 hours to "flee the apartment" into exile or face military action.

Really want him out? Tip off the cops when he's smoking the weed. Hide your stash if you have some before they arrive. We'll see how long he wants to live with you then.

WG

Yep, that's exactly what I'm doing. I used to do some drugs (shrooms, pot) only beacuse of them (the whole shit your parents tell you "Choose your friends wisely" is very true). They've said "We've done nothing wrong". So I just said "Okay, if you've done nothing wrong, your parents wouldn't mind being informed about this situation, right?"

One guy said "Eh, mine already know, so whatever." I said "Well if they don't want to help me in my little predicament here, I'm sure the Fairborn City Police will be more than happy to help."

Just a few seconds ago, he said "Fine, I'll never set foot in your apartment again."

If you got the money just move out and save yourself the trouble. Let him keep getting stoned with his friends that are just using him and you'll be happy you did it.... it sucks but its the best and easiest solution.

Defiantly better then the alternative of being there when the cops come the time YOU don't call them you getting busted for just being there.... and putting up with his bullshit until that happens... sorry to sound like your mom but bad roommates suck and will just get you caught up in their bullshit if you stick around with it long enough. I know all to well from experience.

I'm in the same situation.

If there is another problem I'm just going to take all the 'community property' which is mine and put it in my room, end of story.

Or move. I'll probably move too.

move to a shelter

Put his shit (5%) outside the door and change the locks.
He'll get the hint.

Grow some balls and commence to whooping ass. Warn them one good time. It sounds like they are looking at you and laughing behind your back calling you a stiff dweeb. You can only talk so much. If they sense you are all talk and are no real threat nothing will change.


Or...


Just start pinching his stash. He will get tired of that and move. Nothing is worse to a pothead than a roomate who pinches his stash.

PART 1 -- WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR ROOMIE

<ol>
<li>Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats
meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed
holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks
about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

<li>Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate`s head while he/she is
asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate
every morning.

<li>Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You`re back!" as loud as
you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep
looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn`t you be going now?"

<li>Trash the room when your roommate`s not around. Then leave and wait for
him/her to come home.then act surprised. Say, "Uh?oh, it looks like,
they, were here again."

<li>Every time you see your roommate yell, "You jerk" and kick him/her in the
stomach. Then immediately buy him/her some ice cream.

<li>Set your roommate`s bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you`ve been cold
lately.

<li>Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake
up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses.
Complain that you`ve been having terrible nightmares.

<li>Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them
in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are
coming, but you can`t say anything more, or you`ll have to face the
consequences.


<li>Set up meetings with your roommate`s faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her
academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a
full report. Insist that he/she do the same.

<li>"Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in
training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.

<li>Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you`re
going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home.
Unpack everything and go to sleep.

<li>Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Help! Where the hell am I?!?", then
run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your
roommate asks, say you don`t know what he/she is talking about.

<li>Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it
and say, "It`s spreading, it`s spreading."

<li>Buy a McDonald`s "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the
napkin. Throw everything else away.

<li>Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start
to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can`t live in the same room with
you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant,
but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.

<li>Buy a Jack?In?The?Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out.
Scream continuously for ten minutes.

<li>Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs,
yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

<li>Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you`re doing so, look at
your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon?"

<li>Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and tries
to unlock it, yell, "Don`t come in, I`m naked!" Keep this up for
several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take
off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.

<li>Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of
the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front
of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? He/she won`t be here much longer."


<li>If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a
rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little?"

<li>Pile dirty dishes in your roommate`s bed. Insist that you don`t know how
they got there.

<li>Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one
pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

<li>Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and
visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One
day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a
will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly
say, "Oooh, are you dying?"

<li>Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back
into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."


<li>Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If
your roommate asks, say, "Oh, he`s around here somewhere."

<li>Tell your roommate, "I`ve got an important message for you." Then pretend
to faint. When you recover, say you can`t remember what the message
was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again.
Keep this up for several weeks.

<li>Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building.
Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain
that he/she needs bowling shoes.

<li>Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake
an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking
backwards again.

<li>While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your
roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

<li>Explain to your roommate that you`re going to be housing a prospective
student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate
protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that he/she hurt its
feelings. Watch T.V with the pig, eating lots of bacon.

<li>Make a sandwich. Don`t eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich.
Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where is
my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

<li>Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the
lack of good shows.

<li>Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every day.
Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down
underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your
roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window
again.

<li>Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after
your roommate. Separate your roommate`s potato from the others. Wait a
few days, and then bake your roommate`s potato and eat it. Explain to
your roommate, "He just didn`t belong."

<li>Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and
then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick.
Continue this process for several weeks.

<li>Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate
asks, explain that "It`s a jungle out there." Get your roommate to
bring you food and water.

<li>Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a
few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a
crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"

<li>Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you
were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.

<li>Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your
roommate that you hit the bull`s eye.

<li>Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "I`m sorry. It won`t
happen again." When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat
the process for a few weeks.

<li>Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often.
Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling
him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I`m sorry,
Elmer. Repeat process with Elmer.


<li>Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.

<li>Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream,
"Owwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go to bed.
Sob and sniff all night.

<li>When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming
angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was
your mom. She said she`d call back."

<li>Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go
to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you
can come out now."

<li>Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to do
anything,tell him/her you are the ruler.

<li>Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing.
Finally stand up & yell,"I Lost!"
</ol>

Part 2

<ol>
<li>Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the
bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No,
I want to watch them suffer."
<li>Change the locks on the door. Don`t let your roommate in unless he/she says
the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can`t
guess the secret word, make him/her pay a fine.
<li>Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud
music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the
party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun
while it lasted."
<li>Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides
your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the
tire swing was your roommate`s idea. When you and your roommate are
alone again, continue acting like a monkey.
<li>Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the toaster.
Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate`s possessions out the
window. Say that the toaster made you do it.
<li>Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he refuses, claim that you have won
by forfeit and therefore conquered his side of the room. Insist that he
remove all of his possessions immediately.

<li>Sign your roommate up for various activities. (Campus tour guide, etc.)

<li>Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you
are getting in touch with your Native?American roots. If your roommate
accuses you of not having any Native?American roots, claim that he/she
has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.
<li>Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that
your feet hurt.

<li>Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to
kill a mosquito.


<li>Steal something valuable of your roommate`s. If he/she asks about it, tell
him/her that you traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to
your roommate.

<li>Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a
hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost
of light bulbs.

<li>Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and then
stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops
on the videotape, look at the screen and say, "Don`t do that."

<li>Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it`s a magic lamp, with a genie inside it.
Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week,
report that someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your
roommate.

<li>Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Then
insist you need to show him/her the proper way & brush their teeth.

<li>Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that
looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done."

<li>Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. ("Frank Johnson! Oh, wow!
<li>?4795! Holy cow!")

<li>Shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed. If your
roommate asks what`s wrong, explain that your shadow can`t box with you
anymore due to an injury. Ask your roommate if you can box with his/her
shadow.

<li>Ask your roommate about their medical plan. If they ask why you are asking
just say, "Accidents happen." Make it obvious that you are trying to
cover up your laughter.

<li>Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing.
Offer a reward for his/her safe return.

<li>Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate
if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no,
drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say
nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.

<li>Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say, "Don`t
worry. It`s not what you think." If he/she asks about it again,
immediately change the subject.

<li>Tell other people in your building that your roommate is goind to be "going
on a trip" shortly. Don`t tell them where or when. If people ask your
roommate where he/she is going, cut in and say "Oh?that has been
canceled."

<li>Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit your
head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble,
"I`ll get that pesky road runner?."

<li>Leave memos on your roommate`s bed that say things like, "I know what you
did," and "Don`t think you can fool me." Sign them in blood.


<li>Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests,
tell him/her that it`s all for charity.

<li>Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you`d like to have
a conversation.

<li>Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the
plank if he/she doesn`t swab the deck.

<li>Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate
walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the
plants. Whisper to them, "We`ll continue this later," while eyeing your
roommate suspiciously.

<li>Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate
through the telescope. When you`re not using the telescope, act like
your roommate is too far away for you to see.

<li>Offer your roommate some of your most valuable possesions. If they ask
about your generosity, say nothing but "I won`t need it where I`m
going." If they take anything wait a week and insist they give it back.
If they want to know why say "I was left behind", and crawl into bed
crying.

<li>Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your
roommate goes to take a shower.

<li>Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to
McDonalds, can I take your? Oh, it`s just you." Take off the hat, sit,
and pout.

<li>Go through your roommate`s textbooks with a red pen, changing things and
making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that
you just couldn`t take it anymore.

<li>Tell your roommate that you "just want to be friends", and that you can no
longer take their advances. Wait an hour and ask them to join you in
the shower.

<li>Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good
luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages.
When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe
used to be, hold your head, and mutter, "Stupid horseshoe?."

<li>Buy frozen meals and leave them under a lamp on your desk. If your roommate
warns you that the meals will go bad simply say, "I know what I`m
doing." While your roommate is out empty the meal containers such that
it looks like you`ve eaten them. When your roommate return pretend to
be violently ill. Do this twice a week.

<li>As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous
operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look
around and pretend to be confused.

<li>Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to
basketball games, and play them in front of your roommate. Do so for
about a month. Confide in your roommate that you think the refrigerator
is plotting against you.

<li>Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love
lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain
about how much you hate lemonade.

<li>Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the good old
days, when we used to?" and make up stories involving you and your
roommate.


<li>Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about half an
hour. Come out looking dazed and act terrified of your roommate,
keeping a good distance.

<li>Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat
peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos
just aren`t what they used to be."

<li>Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there`s going to be
a murder in the room.

<li>Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a band?aid on your forehead,
and refuse to discuss the gun ever again.

<li>Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate you
think the lobster has a marked deck.

<li>Make pancakes every morning, but don`t eat them. Draw faces on them, and
toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day.
Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn`t evolving into
a self?sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think
the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.

<li>While you are ironing, pretend to burn yourself. Start a garbage can fire
in the middle of the room. Toss the iron inside. If your roommate
objects, explain that you are just trying to get even.

<li>Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the hall.

<li>Hide small containers of milk in your roommate`s half of the room. After
they begin to smell complain to your roommate about the odor. If your
roommate finds them and claim that they aren`t theirs, acknowledge that
you put them there, but tell them "They were on your half of the room.
You should be more responsible."

<li>. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that they`re for
the Sandman. Take a bite out of one of the cookies while your
roommate is asleep. The next morning, accuse your roommate of having
bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries to tell you the Sandman
did it, insist that you know what the Sandman`s teeth marks look like
and that those are, in fact, not the Sandman`s teeth marks.

<li>. If your roommate has a pet, offer to feed their pet for them. Start taking bottles of glue and white out from your desk before your roommate can answer.
</ol>

When you leave to go to work/school, leave some gay porn on with your speakers turned up loud and lock the door

Fuck dude, I've bitched many times before on GFY, I know the exact situation.. It seems like people are fucking squatters in this world, Its like they werent born with that gene that informs them they are being ignorant or outstaying there welcome.......

We have 4 people (paying) living at my place right now, I dont think there has ever been a single time we have had under 8 living here, this shit happens atleast 6 days a week, they never fucking go home.. When i freak out, they make me look like the bad guy..

So I decided to fuck em, I got a real estate agent and have been looking for places the last week, I am gonna jump ship, take ALL my shit that they rely on daily and get the fuck out of here!

Whos name is on the lease?

IF just you, he has no rights to be there....

If both, you are fucked, have to "encourge" him to leave.

Herb K

I've had 4 lodgers in my house over the past few years - never again. The lasses were the worst too - one of them bitched at me for coming home after working away for 9 months because she didn't feel comfortable with me around!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get your own space chap and keep it yours.

if his name is on the lease with yours..not much you can do - if not, change the locks

I have 8:30 class every day this semester, and my roomie who is above my room is always up every day till 2-3 at least...

I can hear him talking and shit and smoking....rolling around in his chair...

Funny cause in 1st year he used to bitch about his roomie smoking in the house, but now that he's started to smoke, I guess there's no problem with him smoking in the house when the other 4 guys are all non smokers..

There's better ways to go about with this....after all he knows where you live

I think if you can afford it, leave alone. Most roomates I had sucked. They would have loud parties during the week when I had to get up 5am for work. Another one who I was paying the rent to him and then he informed me we have to move out because he hadnt been paying the rent for six months and we were getting evicted. I lived for a while in a 200 sq ft apt in NYC with the bathroom down the hall and I was happier there ,then when I lived in a three bedroom high rise on broadway with roomates. lol Also I forgot you cant just throw him out if he is getting mail there you have to evict him or he can sue you. Look up on the net what the laws are in your state.

That is some of the funniest shit I've ever read.

ya that's some funny ways to annoy your roomie

you know what's funny? if I started with it I believe I'd become a pro before I reach the end of the list - I could do it on my own from then on - complete nut. Mmmm that could come in handy in life...