Post a Joke

The punchline was lost in the folds of skin it seems..

One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out.

The ant asked, "What do I get in return?"

The elephant replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you."

So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says "OK it's out, are you ready?".

The elephant thinks, "Hey, what's a little ant gonna do anyways?" The ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just
then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant's
head.

"Ouch" screams the elephant, and the ant responds, "Yeah
take it all bitch."

"Doctor, Doctor! My dog has no nose!"

"How does he smell?"

"Aweful!"

why would you take a dog to the doctor?

The honorific for a vet is "doctor".

A young boy approaches his father and asks, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you learned from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that."

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million dollars could buy?"

The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, " Yes, sir."

"Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars." "Realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer."

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'
Roland, the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the
measles and my Mum said it was contagious".
"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try"?
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious".
"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else"?
Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice,
"Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious."