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abdab_1 · 11-20-2003, 09:16 AM

rugby banter

J Wilkinson goes to heaven - Peter is at the gates and says to Johnny you can come in if you pick up that ball and run with it for 20 yards - Johnny replies "Me run with the ball, you must be joking."

Englands training this morning was called to a halt when a suspicious white substance was found on the training pitch. Upon inspection it turned out to be the try line.

A bloke walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a England rugby jersey and is festooned with England pom-poms. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed! You'll have to leave." The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's broken at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game." After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins with the poms receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at the 22, and kick a penalty goal. Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What does the dog do if they score a try?" The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for three years."

THE seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do their housework and cook lunch. However, when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she discovered a cave-in. Tearfully she called out: "Hello? Is anyone there? Can you hear me?" A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine: "Australia will win the World Cup." "Thank God!", said Snow White. "At least Dopey's still alive."

Q: WHAT do you call 15 Australians watching the World Cup rugby finals?
A: The Wallabies.

An elderly Australian man is wandering on the beach at Manly, trying desperately to avoid all the English rugby fans when he suddenly spots something shiny, half-buried in the sand. He stoops to pick it up and it turns out to be an ancient-looking oil lamp.

He starts to rub it and .......POOF, a genie appears. "I am the genie of the lamp and will grant you one of two wishes" says the bearded, turbanned one. The man replies "One of two? I thought it was three wishes??!" "Cutbacks I'm afraid" says the genie.

The Aussie thinks long & hard and comes up with...... "Well, my daughter moved to Tasmania many years back and I've always wanted to visit but I'm terrified of travelling over water ? planes and boats fill me with dread. If you could build a bridge from here to Tasmania then I could drive there!" to which the Genie replies.... "Well, mate, I could, but don't you think thats' a terrible waste of natural resources? Think of all the concrete, tarmac & steelwork involved in building a bridge thousands of miles long, the effect on the eco-system and so on." The Aussie reconsiders....... "Right then, I'm a big rugby fan, how about you make sure that the Wallabies beat the English to win the World Cup on Saturday" There's a moment's pause before the genie says.... "Did you want dual carriageway or three-lane motorway to Tasmania?"

An Australian school teacher explains to her class that she is a Wallabies fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Wallabies fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Wallabies fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Wallabies fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am an England fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you an England fan?" "Because my mum is an England fan, and my dad is an England fan, so I'm an England fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be an England fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Wallabies fan."

11-20-2003, 09:16 AM
abdab_1 Confirmed User Join Date: May 2003 Location: Leeds, UK Posts: 425	rugby banter J Wilkinson goes to heaven - Peter is at the gates and says to Johnny you can come in if you pick up that ball and run with it for 20 yards - Johnny replies "Me run with the ball, you must be joking." Englands training this morning was called to a halt when a suspicious white substance was found on the training pitch. Upon inspection it turned out to be the try line. A bloke walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a England rugby jersey and is festooned with England pom-poms. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed! You'll have to leave." The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's broken at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game." After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins with the poms receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at the 22, and kick a penalty goal. Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What does the dog do if they score a try?" The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for three years." THE seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do their housework and cook lunch. However, when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she discovered a cave-in. Tearfully she called out: "Hello? Is anyone there? Can you hear me?" A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine: "Australia will win the World Cup." "Thank God!", said Snow White. "At least Dopey's still alive." Q: WHAT do you call 15 Australians watching the World Cup rugby finals? A: The Wallabies. An elderly Australian man is wandering on the beach at Manly, trying desperately to avoid all the English rugby fans when he suddenly spots something shiny, half-buried in the sand. He stoops to pick it up and it turns out to be an ancient-looking oil lamp. He starts to rub it and .......POOF, a genie appears. "I am the genie of the lamp and will grant you one of two wishes" says the bearded, turbanned one. The man replies "One of two? I thought it was three wishes??!" "Cutbacks I'm afraid" says the genie. The Aussie thinks long & hard and comes up with...... "Well, my daughter moved to Tasmania many years back and I've always wanted to visit but I'm terrified of travelling over water ? planes and boats fill me with dread. If you could build a bridge from here to Tasmania then I could drive there!" to which the Genie replies.... "Well, mate, I could, but don't you think thats' a terrible waste of natural resources? Think of all the concrete, tarmac & steelwork involved in building a bridge thousands of miles long, the effect on the eco-system and so on." The Aussie reconsiders....... "Right then, I'm a big rugby fan, how about you make sure that the Wallabies beat the English to win the World Cup on Saturday" There's a moment's pause before the genie says.... "Did you want dual carriageway or three-lane motorway to Tasmania?" An Australian school teacher explains to her class that she is a Wallabies fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Wallabies fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Wallabies fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Wallabies fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am an England fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you an England fan?" "Because my mum is an England fan, and my dad is an England fan, so I'm an England fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be an England fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Wallabies fan." __________________ <p><a href="http://support.nochex.com/adult/" target="_blank"> <img height="60" src="http://support.nochex.com/web/gfx/adult_anim_cards.gif"width="120 " border="0"></a></p> Convert All Your Traffic!