Yo mama

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

yo mama is so fat she walked by a burning building and ppl started jumping thinking she was the trampoline

yo momma so fat the shadow of her ass weighs 1000 pounds

yo mamma is so fat! she is so fat, the bitch jumped into the air and got stuck!

Yo' mama's like a vacuum cleaner -- she sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet!

yo mama is like a casino - liquor in the front, poker in the back

Yo mamma can make a dead man cum! Twice if she'd like... in one time!!

Yo Mama's so fat, when she falls out of bed in the morning, she hits the ground on both sides!

Yo mama is horrible, she can't even accelerate with a car.

your mama's like a postage stamp: you lick her, you stick her, you send her away

Yo Mamma is so fat,The National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
Yo Mamma is so fat,when she weighs herself the scale says "To be continued..."
Yo Mamma is so fat,when she walks in front of the T.V. you miss out on 3 commercials!
Yo Mamma is so fat,people jog around her for exercise!
Yo Mamma is so fat,it took 25 minutes to download a picture of her from the Internet.

this one is only for wildcard: Yo mama's like a toilet - round, white and smells like shit!

here we go..........

Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN"

Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo momma so fat were in her right now

Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...

Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!

Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!

Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her!

Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side!

Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo momma so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!

Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th

Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too

Yo momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!

Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.

Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.

Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.

Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.

Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.

Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

Yo momma so fat shes on both sides of the family

Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass

Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.

Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.

so fat she cant reach her back pocket.

Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!

so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.

so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water

Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out

so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.

so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.

Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.

so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....

so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.

Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

so fat she was baptised in the ocean.

so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.

Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!

so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

Yo Momma so fat she uses the freeway as a slip and slide

SO STUPID, Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

SO UGLY, Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!

so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!

so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!

so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life

so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!

so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

Yo momma so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo momma so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!

so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

SO OLD, Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

so old she has Jesus' beeper number!

so old her social security number is 1!

Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!

so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

so old she owes Jesus a nickel.

so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

SO POOR, so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on lay-by.

so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo mama's so fat she's got more crack than Harlem

Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.

so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

SO DARK, so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!

Yo momma so dark she spits chocolate milk!

so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

Yo momma so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

SO DIRTY, so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

SO SHORT, so short she poses for trophies!

so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

so short she can play handball on the curb.

so short she does backflips under the bed.

Yo momma so short she models for trophys.

SO NASTY, so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.

so nasty she brings crabs to the beach

so nasty she made right guard turn left.

Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave

so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.

so nasty that her sh*t is glad to escape.

so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

Yo momma so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.

so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

IS LIKE, like potato chips-- Fri-to Lay

Yo momma like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!

like the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn!

Yo momma like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!

like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!

Yo momma like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!

like a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!

like a shotgun: one cock and she blows!

Yo momma like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

like Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing

like a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!

Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package!

like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.

Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.

like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"

like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"

Yo momma like a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.

like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!

like a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

SO HAIRY, so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!

Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples!

so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!

Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

SO SLUTTY, so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!

so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"

so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.

Yo momma so slutty she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.

so slutty I fucked her and I's a chick!

so slutty she blind and seeing another man.

NOSE SO BIG, Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!

nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

SO GREASY, so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!

Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!

so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her

TEETH SO YELLOW, teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!

Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

SO LAZY, so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

SO SKINNY, so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio

Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.

so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

SO BALD, so bald even a wig wouldn't help!

so bald you can see whats on her mind

Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

SO TALL, so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

SO FLAT so flat she's jealous of the wall!

GLASSES SO THICK, her glasses so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

HAS, Has an afro with a chin strap.

has one leg and a bicycle.

Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

has one hand and a Clapper.

has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.