How do you wipe your goddamn ass?

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  • ruff
    I have a plan B
    • Aug 2004
    • 5499

    #1

    How do you wipe your goddamn ass?

    I used to use toilet paper but that's such an old pandemic thing. Now I wipe my ass with a portable bidet.

    Oh yeah, I brush my fucking teeth twice a day for fuck's sake.
    CryptoFeeds
  • Sly
    Let's do some business!
    • Sep 2004
    • 31377

    #2
    The pandemic brought a bidet to my house.

    They are quite nifty.
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    • CaptainHowdy
      Too lazy to set a custom title
      • Dec 2004
      • 94011

      #3
      Are you a paid shill for CurrentlySober's masturbatory thrills ? ?

      Comment

      • EddyTheDog
        Just Doing My Own Thing
        • Jan 2011
        • 25433

        #4
        After living in Spain, where everyone has a bidet, for 10 years I'm still not convinced I was using them correctly - They are great for sweaty balls, but I find wet wipes better for the ass area...

        Also great in combination with a heated towel rail and free shampoo for underwear emergencies in hotels.....

        Comment

        • EddyTheDog
          Just Doing My Own Thing
          • Jan 2011
          • 25433

          #5
          Originally posted by CaptainHowdy
          Are you a paid shill for CurrentlySober's masturbatory thrills ? ?
          Bidets are CS's (im)mortal enemy...

          Comment

          • CaptainHowdy
            Too lazy to set a custom title
            • Dec 2004
            • 94011

            #6
            Originally posted by EddyTheDog
            Bidets are CS's (im)mortal enemy...
            Big pieces of feces may clog the bidet and you have to push 'em down yourself . . .

            Comment

            • Zuzana Designs
              All Your Design Needs
              • Feb 2005
              • 20900

              #7
              Toilet paper is so 2020. Cucumber baby wipes for the win!

              Website Design - Consulting - Development
              sarah [at] zuzanadesigns.com - See Our Work

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              • EddyTheDog
                Just Doing My Own Thing
                • Jan 2011
                • 25433

                #8
                Originally posted by CaptainHowdy
                Big pieces of feces may clog the bidet and you have to push 'em down yourself . . .
                Pretty sure you are not meant to shit IN the bidet!..

                Or is that what I was doing wrong?....

                Comment

                • CurrentlySober
                  Too lazy to wipe my ass
                  • Aug 2002
                  • 38944

                  #9
                  Originally posted by CaptainHowdy
                  Big pieces of feces may clog the bidet and you have to push 'em down yourself . . .
                  Yes. With your tongue... Especially when it's not yours, but a guests

                  To answer the OP - I don't...


                  👁️ 👍️ 💩

                  Comment

                  • The Porn Nerd
                    Living The Dream
                    • Jun 2009
                    • 19780

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Zuzana Designs
                    Toilet paper is so 2020. Cucumber baby wipes for the win!
                    You wrap a baby wipe around a cucumber??

                    Well i guess that does save time. Simultaneously shit and masturbate. How efficient!

                    Chicks eh?
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                    • Pink24
                      So Fucking Banned
                      • Aug 2019
                      • 1436

                      #11
                      I don't use bidet's anymore - not since the episode in '09 when one exploded on me.

                      My toilet routine consists of wiping the excess off with a cucumber and then using wipes. I purchased a bunch from Harrods of London when they had a sale on. They are gold gilted and dissolve in water. The pack says they are 100% better for your bum than the leading wipes.
                      The procedure normally takes around 20 minutes. After wiping I apply oils that act as a barrier and as a cushion.

                      Comment

                      • fuzebox
                        making it rain
                        • Oct 2003
                        • 22353

                        #12
                        Bidet is best

                        I can't figure out those european style ones though, the japanese is the way to go.

                        I have packs of wipes for travel.

                        Anyone who's ever filmed adult content knows that toilet paper just moves the poop around...

                        Comment

                        • pm2000
                          Confirmed User
                          • Aug 2002
                          • 3135

                          #13
                          with hundred dollar bills

                          Comment

                          • mechanicvirus
                            Confirmed User
                            • Feb 2005
                            • 4119

                            #14
                            Since most people have said bidets and I have social anxiety, I have now hooked up a hose from my sink. Wish me luck.

                            Comment

                            • grzepa
                              Confirmed User
                              • Jul 2004
                              • 1264

                              #15
                              Another question arises - how do you deal with your daily sharts ? Do you even care and let the crust fall out on its own, or you treat it as a legitimate shit ?
                              Like X-ART !!

                              Comment

                              • Paul&John
                                Confirmed User
                                • Aug 2005
                                • 8616

                                #16
                                Using wipes, but looking forward to upgrade to a bidet!
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                                • maxjohan
                                  Confirmed User
                                  • Dec 2002
                                  • 7219

                                  #17
                                  I've never tried whiping my ass. That's disgusting !
                                  I went from 100 to 313,000 satoshis in 2 days! Lots of daily freerolls...

                                  Comment

                                  • NatalieK
                                    Natalie K
                                    • Apr 2010
                                    • 19825

                                    #18
                                    always seemed to have a bidet, from growing up and now living in Spain. I still use toilet paper to wipe my ass, but then the bidet to wash after...



                                    Aren´t bidet´s children´s toilets
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                                    • Look Chang
                                      Voyeur
                                      • Sep 2010
                                      • 3681

                                      #19
                                      In SE Asia, we use the bum gun...


                                      Comment

                                      • The Porn Nerd
                                        Living The Dream
                                        • Jun 2009
                                        • 19780

                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by Look Chang
                                        In SE Asia, we use the bum gun...


                                        Yeah I got one of those at the end of my garden hose.
                                        Maybe I should try that on my ass next time I'm out planting petunias.
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                                        • BoneTicklers
                                          Made you look...
                                          • Nov 2019
                                          • 40

                                          #21
                                          Real ballers like me have slaves to do that for them.

                                          Comment

                                          • adultchatpay
                                            Let's Make Money
                                            • Dec 2008
                                            • 8775

                                            #22
                                            Bidet is perfect, it should clean your ass. But finish it off with wipes.

                                            Comment

                                            • Look Chang
                                              Voyeur
                                              • Sep 2010
                                              • 3681

                                              #23
                                              In Europe, originally, a bidet is a bowl or receptacle designed to be sat on for the purpose of washing the human genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus. In several European countries, a bidet is required by law to be present in every bathroom containing a toilet bowl.

                                              Comment

                                              • Look Chang
                                                Voyeur
                                                • Sep 2010
                                                • 3681

                                                #24
                                                Originally posted by BoneTicklers
                                                Real ballers like me have slaves to do that for them.


                                                Lucky dude ...

                                                Comment

                                                • Applebite Media
                                                  Confirmed User
                                                  • Apr 2018
                                                  • 406

                                                  #25
                                                  Ok, so you squirt water up your ass to clean it... so what.... do you walk around with a wet ass? You still have to wipe right?

                                                  Never used one, but it's logical.
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                                                  • Pink24
                                                    So Fucking Banned
                                                    • Aug 2019
                                                    • 1436

                                                    #26
                                                    Yeah, and what do you wipe with? tha bathroom towel that someone is later gonna wipe their face with or tissue which falls apart leaving bits all over you ass.

                                                    Comment

                                                    • sarettah
                                                      see you later, I'm gone
                                                      • Oct 2002
                                                      • 14327

                                                      #27
                                                      When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"

                                                      Instead I find out it is an actual discussion on the methodologies involved in wiping your ass.

                                                      I really don't know what to say.



                                                      .
                                                      All cookies cleared!

                                                      Comment

                                                      • mechanicvirus
                                                        Confirmed User
                                                        • Feb 2005
                                                        • 4119

                                                        #28
                                                        Originally posted by sarettah
                                                        When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"

                                                        Instead I find out it is an actual discussion on the methodologies involved in wiping your ass.

                                                        I really don't know what to say.



                                                        .
                                                        You have to legally tell us how you wipe sir.

                                                        Comment

                                                        • CurrentlySober
                                                          Too lazy to wipe my ass
                                                          • Aug 2002
                                                          • 38944

                                                          #29
                                                          Originally posted by sarettah
                                                          When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"
                                                          I lik 2 think its the result of my near 20 years of ceaseless poo promotion, that others on the board are now finally aligning their interests with my way of thinking...


                                                          👁️ 👍️ 💩

                                                          Comment

                                                          • shake
                                                            frc
                                                            • Jul 2003
                                                            • 4663

                                                            #30
                                                            Originally posted by CurrentlySober
                                                            I lik 2 think its the result of my near 20 years of ceaseless poo promotion, that others on the board are now finally aligning their interests with my way of thinking...
                                                            I like poo
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                                                            Comment

                                                            • ruff
                                                              I have a plan B
                                                              • Aug 2004
                                                              • 5499

                                                              #31
                                                              Originally posted by sarettah
                                                              When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"

                                                              Instead I find out it is an actual discussion on the methodologies involved in wiping your ass.

                                                              I really don't know what to say.



                                                              .
                                                              I don't know what to say either. It was my response to the brush your teeth post.
                                                              CryptoFeeds

                                                              Comment

                                                              • CurrentlySober
                                                                Too lazy to wipe my ass
                                                                • Aug 2002
                                                                • 38944

                                                                #32
                                                                Originally posted by shake
                                                                I like poo
                                                                Yay! Its a 'movement'


                                                                👁️ 👍️ 💩

                                                                Comment

                                                                • sarettah
                                                                  see you later, I'm gone
                                                                  • Oct 2002
                                                                  • 14327

                                                                  #33
                                                                  Originally posted by mechanicvirus
                                                                  You have to legally tell us how you wipe sir.
                                                                  Just write me the ticket then officer, cause I ain't talking.


                                                                  Originally posted by ruff
                                                                  I don't know what to say either. It was my response to the brush your teeth post.

                                                                  lol.


                                                                  Originally posted by CurrentlySober
                                                                  Yay! Its a 'movement'
                                                                  Is that a double entendre?

                                                                  .
                                                                  All cookies cleared!

                                                                  Comment

                                                                  • CurrentlySober
                                                                    Too lazy to wipe my ass
                                                                    • Aug 2002
                                                                    • 38944

                                                                    #34
                                                                    Originally posted by sarettah
                                                                    Is that a double entendre?
                                                                    i cunt a4da a double entendre...


                                                                    👁️ 👍️ 💩

                                                                    Comment

                                                                    • Grapesoda
                                                                      So Fucking Banned
                                                                      • Jul 2003
                                                                      • 46234

                                                                      #35
                                                                      Originally posted by BoneTicklers
                                                                      Real ballers like me have slaves to do that for them.
                                                                      slaves is such a harsh word, in good old democratic tradition let us change that to 'prisoners with jobs'

                                                                      Comment

                                                                      • BoneTicklers
                                                                        Made you look...
                                                                        • Nov 2019
                                                                        • 40

                                                                        #36
                                                                        Originally posted by Look Chang


                                                                        Lucky dude ...
                                                                        He found this girl via a Craigslist ad looking for models for an art project. When she showed up, he told her it would be in black and white.. therefore it's art!

                                                                        Comment

                                                                        • pornguy
                                                                          Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                          • Mar 2003
                                                                          • 62910

                                                                          #37
                                                                          have used baby wipes for 20 years.
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                                                                          • BoneTicklers
                                                                            Made you look...
                                                                            • Nov 2019
                                                                            • 40

                                                                            #38
                                                                            Back when I was a teenager I almost drowned in a bidet and that wasn't very pleasant.

                                                                            Comment

                                                                            • ruff
                                                                              I have a plan B
                                                                              • Aug 2004
                                                                              • 5499

                                                                              #39
                                                                              The first time I went to Switzerland, the hotel had a bidet. I had no idea exactly how to use it but thought it was a great idea and wondered why we didn't have them in America. I also wondered why boys are taught to stand up when they piss at home in the toilet. I guess it's so we can leave the seat down and spray piss all over the place. Must be some of that English hygiene we brought over on the fucking Mayflower. I thought we were the smartest country but how long did we wipe our asses with corncobs until we figured out toilet paper? And who's idea was that?
                                                                              Europeans and Asians have been laughing at us for centuries! Jeez.
                                                                              CryptoFeeds

                                                                              Comment

                                                                              • Sly
                                                                                Let's do some business!
                                                                                • Sep 2004
                                                                                • 31377

                                                                                #40
                                                                                Originally posted by ruff
                                                                                The first time I went to Switzerland, the hotel had a bidet. I had no idea exactly how to use it but thought it was a great idea and wondered why we didn't have them in America. I also wondered why boys are taught to stand up when they piss at home in the toilet. I guess it's so we can leave the seat down and spray piss all over the place. Must be some of that English hygiene we brought over on the fucking Mayflower. I thought we were the smartest country but how long did we wipe our asses with corncobs until we figured out toilet paper? And who's idea was that?
                                                                                Europeans and Asians have been laughing at us for centuries! Jeez.
                                                                                Corncobs and cacti… sounds like a new Tenacious D song.
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                                                                                • TheLegacy
                                                                                  SEO RobertWarrenSEO.com
                                                                                  • Apr 2003
                                                                                  • 18102

                                                                                  #41

                                                                                  RobertWarrenSEO.com
                                                                                  Telegram: @TheLegacy54

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                                                                                  • ruff
                                                                                    I have a plan B
                                                                                    • Aug 2004
                                                                                    • 5499

                                                                                    #42
                                                                                    Originally posted by TheLegacy
                                                                                    A paper cut would change your mind in a hurry!
                                                                                    CryptoFeeds

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