HELP! The elderly lady next door thinks she caught me Masterbating... Now she wont talk to me!

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  • CurrentlySober
    Too lazy to wipe my ass
    • Aug 2002
    • 38948

    #1

    News HELP! The elderly lady next door thinks she caught me Masterbating... Now she wont talk to me!

    OK, so I woke up late this morning and it was 10 mins to 10. I have a Fitbit on, and its set to count 250 steps an hour from 9am onwards. Realising I had to cheat to not spoil my records, I started shaking my hand back and forth at waist level, to notch up steps on the Fitbit...

    As I was doing this, I pulled back the curtain to see my elderly female neighbour outside hanging out her washing. She must have seen my hand going back and forth, and put 2 and 2 together to make 5 !

    She shouted something like 'You Filthy Pervert' at me, and stormed off back into her house. I waited for a while, and had a cup of tea and I finished dressing etc, then I went round and knocked to try and explain.

    Basically she said (From the other side of a locked door) that she knew what I was doing, she wasn't born yesterday and that she has never heard of a 'fitbit', and even if a 'fitbit' does exist, then it shouldn't be used for me to do that at her out the window. I had to leave because she said she was going to call the police!

    What can I do to resolve the misunderstanding?


    👁️ 👍️ 💩
  • Bladewire
    StraightBro
    • Aug 2003
    • 56228

    #2
    Call your local paper and ask for their help in getting the message to her. You can also contact "Dear Abby" and see if they'll do a piece on it. Or you can slip a video if you actually masturbating into her mailbox and explain how the hand motions are completely different?


    Skype: CallTomNow

    Comment

    • brassmonkey
      Pay It Forward
      • Sep 2005
      • 77397

      #3
      did you go over and tell her your last skittle was stuck to your nutt sack?
      TRUMP 2026 KEKAW!!! - The Laken Riley Act Is Law!
      DACA ENDED - SUPPORT AZ HCR 2060 52R - email: brassballz-at-techie.com

      Comment

      • Bladewire
        StraightBro
        • Aug 2003
        • 56228

        #4
        Originally posted by brassmonkey
        did you go over and tell her your last skittle was stuck to your nutt sack?


        Skype: CallTomNow

        Comment

        • bronco67
          Too lazy to set a custom title
          • Dec 2006
          • 29032

          #5
          Don't give so much of a fuck about it.

          There's your help.

          Comment

          • 2MuchMark
            Mark of 2Much.net
            • Aug 2004
            • 50990

            #6

            Comment

            • HairyChick
              Slowly dying
              • Sep 2012
              • 3091

              #7
              Tell her it's normal. It relieves stress. IF you were masturbating, you're in your own house behind curtains. She needs to focus on her bloomers and other laundry and stop being so nosey. Show her your FitBit and if she has doubts, call her a pervert for watching you wank!
              *****************************************
              Anti-Semites have Small Penis Syndrome. The only known treatment is electroshock therapy combined with cerebellum removal. Fortunately, it’s a tiny procedure.
              *****************************************

              Comment

              • redwhiteandblue
                Bollocks
                • Jun 2007
                • 2793

                #8
                Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb - go over to her window, look in and have a good old wank right there.
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                Comment

                • CaptainHowdy
                  Too lazy to set a custom title
                  • Dec 2004
                  • 94738

                  #9
                  Masturbation isn't a crime . . .

                  Comment

                  • directfiesta
                    Too lazy to set a custom title
                    • Oct 2002
                    • 30136

                    #10
                    ... and you give a shit ???
                    I know that Asspimple is stoopid ... As he says, it is a FACT !

                    But I can't figure out how he can breathe or type , at the same time ....

                    Comment

                    • crockett
                      in a van by the river
                      • May 2003
                      • 76818

                      #11
                      In November, you can vote for America's next president or its first dictator.

                      Comment

                      • JFK
                        FUBAR the ORIGINATOR
                        • Jan 2002
                        • 67373

                        #12
                        Originally posted by redwhiteandblue
                        Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb - go over to her window, look in and have a good old wank right there.
                        Sage advice !

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                        Comment

                        • Busty2
                          Member since 1999
                          • Dec 2007
                          • 7202

                          #13
                          Take a crap on her door step, what have you got to lose ?

                          Comment

                          • CaptainHowdy
                            Too lazy to set a custom title
                            • Dec 2004
                            • 94738

                            #14
                            Originally posted by directfiesta
                            ... and you give a shit ???
                            I believe that giving/taking shits is the man's main business . . .

                            Comment

                            • RyuLion
                              • Mar 2003
                              • 32369

                              #15
                              Originally posted by PamWinterReturns
                              Tell her it's normal. It relieves stress. IF you were masturbating, you're in your own house behind curtains. She needs to focus on her bloomers and other laundry and stop being so nosey. Show her your FitBit and if she has doubts, call her a pervert for watching you wank!
                              /Thread

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                              Comment

                              • Cyber Fucker
                                Hmm
                                • Sep 2005
                                • 12642

                                #16
                                She must be just an old frustrated woman, no cock for a long time. You made a mistake going to her with explanations, but don't worry, life goes on. All lonely men do it and women do it too. She might forget all about it very soon anyway.

                                Comment

                                • mikeet
                                  this & that
                                  • May 2005
                                  • 5387

                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by CurrentlySober
                                  had a cup of tea and I finished dressing etc,

                                  What can I do to resolve the misunderstanding?
                                  You could start with getting dressed first before using fitbit?

                                  Comment

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