I am goin out tonight and I am gonna get laid

good luck with that let us know how that works out

Ok so it was an epochal and complete fail, here's a brief breakdown and the lessons I learned:

Lesson 1 - don't ever let anyone who's a metrosexual 'think'

Of course my first suggestion to see all the clubs and pubs is the only way how to guarantee effective picking up, my managing abilities are well proven. But I let my metro bud to choose the place and we went, not surprisingly, to a club called "metro".

It had everything I expected - considerable amount of white trash redneck "entrepreneurs" with a beer belly, shaved head and a 2k cell phone they can't even operate, super fake annoying wannabe ho's that are dangerous to your mental health if they talk, and of course a fake ass 'friend' DJ Lobotomy that played a mixture of incredibly loud, silly and unoriginal bullshit, Metro bros saved on the entry and they were happy.

Not even that scared me off, I'm a born winner so I was approaching a couple ho's with more make up than a drug store on them, and shit hit the fan.

They immediately made me aware that I don't look lucrative enough and shouldn't even try to chat with them.

All Right, so even I had more money in my pocket than what they probably make in a month if you don't wear gay clothes, and if you look and talk differently you gotta be broke - big ass logic from someone with a fake 1.99 USD watch.

I wasn't even giving them shit back, cause that would be quite dangerous considering the number of their bald "fans" that were ballin around in the middle of their 24th beer that night.

After this insult I immediately ordered a cab - kidnapped my metro bud from the club, stuck him into the trunk and we were off to another place, that I, with my proven logic expected to suck just about the same.

Lesson # 2 - don't try to be too smart with rednecks

Off we go, ok so I am entering another metro sex dome, this place has one good thing about it - if you're lucky you can chat up older girls that are in their 30's, sexually active and more likely to be up for a pseudo sensible pseudo amusing conversation.

First thing I made friends with the security guys, cause I was only going to expect when some Zorro the Barn hero starts shit with me so I wanted to make sure they know about my non conflicting, witty and insane character.

Second thing - I made sure that there'll be some actual service paying one of the bar girls 40 pct. gratuity on every order to be our personal waitress, cause I was surely not interested in waving on them with money counting hay straws flying round.

I really got to buy a drink to a really cute blonde in her early 30's, the thing is that no matter how hard did i try to keep the conversation light, she started about personal shit.

At the end I lost my temper and gave her such a rhetoric speech about her life that I probably totally changed her inner views of her future and presence. I was so intense that she had to go home to think about it = I was too smart with her = fail.

I got so much attitude and so much temper that I immediately told off to the whole hen house on the bar to have the fuck some fun and not to sit around like after lobotomy.

Not that it would have any effect since they stared at me like like a brain dead sheep staring at a jet.

Lesson # 3 - better don't expect anything at all!

Fuckin clueless boring mediocre redheads, so why the hell do the girls wear skirts long legs and tits and a make up, getting drunk over there at 4 AM? To go home alone and watch the ceiling?

Fuck that, I was tellin straight away I want to have something extremely memorable to remember that night, big goals.

At the end my metro bud got so metrosexy he picked up some crack whore look a like and we went to another club, she was lookin horrible, huge like a godzilla - he's a former ice hockey player but she was even more massive.

At the other place she started to get annoying so I said FUCK, waited on him for another 15 minutes and then left, I went to book me a hotel room since I should originally oversleep at his house - unfortunately their little brothel was already closed as it was about 6 AM so I couldn't make the last minute power play save.

Most terrible and desperate club experience ever!

Hehe I saw some guy ("self-proclaimed casanova") coach another guy (couldn't score) into being a player last week on Dr Phil. He sucked, you should have a girl coach you through it!

Ahhhhhh Romance

Mr. Romance

Carlos - you always make me laugh - you are awesome cant wait to see you again!

Damn, that was a great fail...i'm sorry for that and hope better nights to come soon!!

It sounds like you are "2 Wild and Crazy Guys" Carlos!

So did you get laid, on VDAY?

So....





or





?



Carlos, we want the end of the story

CTG's a PIMP!

Ok so my urge is at the end, it's 4:11 AM here - Prague delivered and I just went back to my room - mission accomplished. All that was needed was to be real and to spend about 35 bucks.

Fuck the small town idiots.

glad to hear you got a room

glad to hear you got a room

..and a 35 dollar rubber vagina!

funniest thread ever!!!!!
lol..