37% of Americans Unable to Locate America on Map of America

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  • Malicious Biz
    So Fucking Banned
    • Mar 2005
    • 4575

    #1

    37% of Americans Unable to Locate America on Map of America

    Washington, D.C. -- According to a Gallup/Harris poll released Monday, a full 37 percent of American citizens are incapable of identifying their home country on a map of the United States.

    Of the 1,400 residents surveyed, the most common incorrect responses placed the more than 230-year-old territory in the Atlantic or Pacific Oceans (19 percent), the space where Mexico would appear were it in fact included on the map (10 percent), and inside the word "America" written just above the northernmost states (6 percent).

    "On the whole, these figures should be construed as somewhat disappointing," Gallup spokesman Keith Ventner said. "Especially the two percent that believed the United States was located on the map's color-coded inset legend. I think we as a nation likely could have done without seeing that."

    When asked to reveal the identity of the giant America-shaped landmass found on the map, several of those polled were decidedly varied in their answers.

    "That thing definitely looked familiar," said autoworker and father of three Ed McConnell. "And my gut told me there were probably a whole bunch of Americans there. So I had to go with 'Iraq.'"

    Other guesses as to the nature of the mystery country included "Hollywood," "Palestine," "The Shire," and "Club Med Punta Cana."

    Stuart Weiss, senior sociology professor at Boston College, said although these findings may be surprising to some, they're by no means atypical.

    "The sentiment of many Americans is that there's little intrinsic value in studying a map of a place you're already at," noted Weiss. "It'd be like driving to Graceland and then asking for directions once you've arrived. Not much point."

    Shirley Matheson, a part-time Arby's employee residing in Dayton, Ohio, agreed with Weiss's assessment. "I live in the U.S.A., so why would I need to know where America is? Or the United States for that matter?"

    Added Matheson: "As long as there's still room on that map for all three of those countries, I'm sure everyone will keep getting along just fine."

    Meanwhile, the Department of Homeland Security sees the Gallup/Harris poll results as a blessing in disguise. According to Secretary Michael Chertoff, the nation would be better off if these numbers skewed even higher.

    "Personally, I believe if fewer people in this world could spot America on a map, we'd have a much better chance of avoiding national tragedies like 9/11," said Chertoff. "You can't attack a country you can't find."

    Of the respondents actually capable of pinpointing America on the map of America, their accuracy decreased considerably with each additional query about the country. Asked for the name of the U.S. capital, those polled placed Washington, D.C., fifth behind "Minneapolis-St. Paul," "Mount Rushmore," "America City," and "Whitewater."

    Despite Americans' seemingly underdeveloped sense of their own geography, history and domestic policy, they did score high points on the issue of patriotism, calling America "the greatest country in the world" (47 percent), "the best state of all the Unites States" (31 percent), and "a place to definitely explore when I finally get my passport" (22 percent).
  • crockett
    in a van by the river
    • May 2003
    • 76818

    #2
    oh bs...
    In November, you can vote for America's next president or its first dictator.

    Comment

    • _Richard_
      Too lazy to set a custom title
      • Oct 2006
      • 30989

      #3
      link for that there article?

      Comment

      • hjnet
        Confirmed User
        • May 2002
        • 3815

        #4
        and 37% didn't understand the question....

        Comment

        • MaDalton
          I am Amazing Content!
          • Feb 2004
          • 39865

          #5
          Originally posted by Malicious Biz

          "Personally, I believe if fewer people in this world could spot America on a map, we'd have a much better chance of avoiding national tragedies like 9/11," said Chertoff. "You can't attack a country you can't find."


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          • CIVMatt
            Amateur Pimpin
            • Aug 2004
            • 13075

            #6
            Oh bullshit
            Make easy money with Webcams

            Comment

            • woj
              <&(©¿©)&>
              • Jul 2002
              • 47880

              #7
              Which parody site is this from?
              Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000
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              • woj
                <&(©¿©)&>
                • Jul 2002
                • 47880

                #8
                nm, it's from:
                http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven..._b_150933.html
                Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000
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                • andy83
                  Confirmed User
                  • Jun 2005
                  • 1605

                  #9
                  hahaha
                  i LOLed at this thread. dang, that was really funny

                  Comment

                  • ztik
                    Confirmed User
                    • Aug 2001
                    • 5196

                    #10
                    dayton, ohio

                    that explains why
                    .

                    Comment

                    • The Duck
                      Adult Content Provider
                      • May 2005
                      • 18243

                      #11
                      People in Sweden are generally better at this kind of thing but they are equally stupid in other endevours I assure you. Stupidity is universal.
                      Skype Horusmaia
                      ICQ 41555245
                      Email [email protected]

                      Comment

                      • donborno
                        Confirmed User
                        • Jan 2007
                        • 374

                        #12
                        Obama will fix it

                        Comment

                        • Rochard
                          Jägermeister Test Pilot
                          • Dec 2001
                          • 75770

                          #13
                          I'd believe that 37% people can't read or write....
                          Herschel Savage
                          Brooklyn, NY

                          Comment

                          • Khulan
                            Confirmed User
                            • Sep 2008
                            • 890

                            #14
                            Originally posted by donborno
                            Obama will fix it
                            I think so too
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                            • CosmicTang
                              Confirmed User
                              • Feb 2007
                              • 1478

                              #15
                              I believe this was an attempt at satire. Someone longs to write for The Onion methinks. Americans are notoriously bad at geography, but this is way over the top.

                              When people answer "The Shire" and "Club Med' as our nation's capital that should tip you off.
                              ICQ: 456.689.835
                              julian (at) orgasm (dot) com

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