I beat $700 in speeding tickets in court this morning and you can too!!!

I had been driving a new Dodge Ram with the powerful engine which is more powerful than what I am used to driving. Also the ride was so smooth it felt like I was going 40 mph. I had two tickets going about 62 mph in a 35 mph zone. But the street is hardly residential and seems like the speed limit should be 45mph because many other local streets in the area that are posted as 45 mph seem like they should be 35 mph. This road is nothing but a huge speed trap and the fat lazy government workers with 9mm strapped to their side-guts just park their asses on that road and bust people left and right.

I got two tickets in the span of a few weeks and decided to have them heard on the same court date. I studied how to get out based on technical reasons and went into court.

1st ticket I got off because the fat dumb lazy government worker with a 9mm strapped to his side-gut forgot to use his full name. YES!!!! Thank you Jesus!

2nd ticket I tried to get the judge to dismiss it based on the fact the other fat lazy dumb government worker covered up his signature when he photo- copied his report on the ticket. For some strange reason the judge said he would not dismiss the ticket. I think he was wrong. Then I made a motion to dismiss the radar report because there was no certification for the testing in the discovery I had requested. The judge said that the report might be on file and to look in the binders that were in the court room. I began to look through them and he moved on to the next case. While I was looking through them I asked an attorney who was in the courtroom and (who had gotten another guy off based on technical reasons) to help me. I said I had $100 cash if he could look over my ticket real quick to see if anything stood out to him. I found the certification in the court room so that was a no-go. The attorney looked over my ticket for a few minutes had said he had a coupld of optons. The judge called me again and this time the attorney sad down with me and told the judge I am now his client. LOL!!!!

The attorney got me off the craziest mistake. The dumb cop had fucked up on how he worded about he calibration. I guess cops have to do some test before eash shift in regards to a tuning fork or something. The judge dismissed the ticket! Thank you Jesus!!!

So zero fines and zero damage to my driving record.

And yes I have coined a new term "side gut" which popped into my head when that first cop go out of his gay looking squad car and all I could see what his gut that was all around his waist. Fucking loser.

So my advice to everyone who wants to avoid oppressive local governments:

1: Don't say ANYTHING to the cops when you get pulled over other than basic pleasantries. Be polite but do not admit guilt or apologize or whatever the fuck you feel like doing because you are intimidated by the cop.
2. 14 days before your court date file a request for discovery so you get all the info that the judge will see. If the court does not get the paperwork delivered to you several days before your court date just make a motion to have the ticket dismissed based on the fact you did not have time to prepare a defense because the discovery info was not sent to you in a timely manner.
3. Make sure the cop filed the ticket within 5 days of giving you the ticket. IF not make a motion for it to be dismissed
4. Look over every detail of the ticket. Cops are dumb. They don't know the laws and don't care. Often they will cite the wrong number for the violation. The will write down the code for failure to stop when they should have used the code for speeding or whatever. Instant dismissal.
5. They forget to sign the ticket or use their full name.
6. They fuck up and write your plate number down wrong.
7. They forget to write in their report where THEIR car was when they observed you speeding.
8. In some states where the constitution is still respected they let you off if the cop does not show up but not in my communist loving shit hole of a state so I had to find other ways to get the ticket dismissed.
9. If you cannot figure out how to get out of the ticket then just do what I did and offer an attorney who is already at the courthouse some cash. It will be way cheaper because he or she is already there. I probably would have had to pay several hundred dollars to have an attorney show up for me that day.

There are other things but I am not an expert so that is basically what I have as far as advice. I know people say that you should dress nicely but I said fuck it and just wore shorts and a t shirt like always. Most importantly be ASSERTIVE and confident.