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starting the new day with #946Comment
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Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. ~Bob RubinComment
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Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.Comment
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When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
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There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats. ~Elton JohnComment
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The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it. ~Truman CapoteComment
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I just paid my council tax..make me giggle at something other than how high it has become.Comment
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I'll go with 474Comment
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202 sounds goodICQ: 267899523
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young programmer, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The programmer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The programmer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."Comment
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Email Mistakes
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here."Comment
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There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"Sex is the question, yes is always the answer .... fucking everywhere you go!
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Top Signs of Net Addiction
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3 or higher."
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
You laugh at people with 28,800 modems.
You start using smiley's in your snail mail.
Your hard drive crashes.
You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch.
You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number.
You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.Comment
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It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."Sex is the question, yes is always the answer .... fucking everywhere you go!Comment
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A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."Sex is the question, yes is always the answer .... fucking everywhere you go!Comment
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Guessing 247ICQ: 267899523
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Could be 311ICQ: 267899523
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My guess is 545ICQ: 267899523
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You Know You're Too Hi-Tech If ...
-- You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
-- You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
--You call your son's beeper to let him know that it is time to eat. He emails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
-- Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
-- You chat several times a day with someone from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
-- Your daughter just bought a single CD of all the records your college roommate used to play.
-- Your grandmother clogs up your email inbox asking you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
-- You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
-- The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
-- You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
-- Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have email addresses.
-- You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
-- You've printed this out and are reading it in the "library."Comment
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Could be 715ICQ: 267899523
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Good promo, this is. Many contest whores, it attracts.For sale, my sig is notComment
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Some Marriage Math(s):
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtimeComment
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913, could beICQ: 267899523
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could be #499Comment
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