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"SANCTIONS: US Reduces Russia's Library Privileges"
In a sharp move designed to punish Russia for its annexation of the Crimea, the United States on Wednesday downgraded Russia's library privileges from Gold to Silver. As a result, Russia will only be able to check out two books at a time, and must return them within one week. "I hope they enjoy speed-reading," said one State Department official who would not go on record.
It was not immediately apparent that any library books had ever been checked out by Russia, but "They will know, and it will hurt. It will hurt bad."
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