Do you have a large extended family?

Fucking huge.

Never.

My dad is visiting me from Europe and he wants me to meet my extended family. I grew up with my mom so I never visited anyone on my dad's side. Apparently I have like hundreds and hundreds of relatives on my father's side here... I am not sure how they are related to me or what I call them. They are related to my grandmother on my dad's side, like grandmother's sisters and brothers families or grandma's cousins families and back in the days with no birth control, in my grandma's generation they had tons and tons of kids etc so I have hundreds of "cousins" or "distant uncles" and "distant aunts" or whatever you call them...

My dad really wants me to visit them but I'm apprehensive. I don't really want to. What should I do? I went through almost 30 years without meeting them and I'm not thrilled about having to do it now. Do I really have to go? I'm an adult, I don't feel like I can be "forced" to anymore like I did when I was a kid.

My dad doesn't visit me often tho, only once every few years so he really wants me to go once. should I just go?

Rinse, repeat, and that's my answer too.

I'm afraid to meet them cause of course they are going to ask "what do you do" and I already read the thread about that topic here (also on the first page), so I do have good ideas of what to say etc. I still get nervous though when bending the truth, I am a very bad liar and I get anxious when lying to family etc I feel like they can see through me. I can't tell the truth cause my family is conservative.

I'm also afraid because I don't have a degree and I'm afraid they'll think/talk shit or whatever. Asian families are very high on education etc I have cousins that went to Harvard and Ivy League schools and uncles who are doctors etc

Also, I'm old now, I don't feel like my dad can "make" me go to a family function. He's visiting and staying with me at my house. I'm an adult now, I don't feel like I can be "forced" to go. Should I just go for him anyways since I barely see him anyways? I guess it will look bad for him if all his relatives will be wondering where I am or what's wrong with me (why I didn't show, etc) They all know my dad had a child but they never met me before... What should I do?

Help me, what do I do about this? Should I humor my dad and just go meet them even though I don't want to? Just meeting them once in a lifetime shouldn't be that bad right? I have to drop him off at this function and my family will think it's weird and that I'm weird if I don't come in???

you don't know them so what do you care if they think you're weird? you already admit you're weird anyway.

Okay, I don't know if you still have me on ignore or not, but here goes.

I spent several years working with Koreans as 99% of my client base. I got to deal with many on a personal basis, so I have an idea what old school Asian dads are like. And it comes down to this.

You will never be too old for him to tell you what to do as long as you allow him to. The only way he is ever going to let go is if you force it. . . . or maybe if you get married, but I don't think you should wait that long to cut the strings.

Should I meet them though? Technically I AM an adult so my dad can't make me.
When I was a kid I used to be dragged to family functions. But since I see my father only once every few years should I humor him and go anyways?

I don't know them but you don't understand my family, the gossip soooo much.
There are sooo many of them and they just gossip, even cross-atlantic gossiping, like different family members in other continents talk and gossip about me even tho I have no clue who they are, they all know me, cause they know my dad and my mother!! They will talk about me and it will probably spread to my mother's side of the family too.

so what if they gossip about you? what will they say about you? 'she's anti-social, something odd about her I've heard blah blah blah' - do you care? if so - then go so they won't do that. nothing wrong with doing it for your dad - even though your dad isn't that close to you one day he will be gone.

Also, my dad is not traditional asian style old school, my mom is, but my dad is EXTREMELY liberal. He lives in Holland. When he was at my house he even asks if I get porn channels! Cause he said in Holland they show EVERYTHING on tv.

He was even telling me stories about how he went to college in America in the 60's and went into a strip club underage but got away with it... It's way too much info, he was only telling me because I was telling him something about looking young for my age... He talks openly about porn, gay people, redlight district in amsterdam, he's not strict and treats me like an adult. It's actually my mom who is weird and won't let me go.

It's not hard for him to let go at all. He says he doesn't care if I have i boyfriend or 10 boyfriends all at the same time, I can do whatever I want.
He says whatever I do is my own business, he knows I used to live with my ex bf and he didn't care either... My dad has a gf who is actually younger than me and he's not strict or traditional.

He just thinks I'm weird because I don't see my family and he told me I have to "play the game" and not care about what other people think. He told me doesn't give a fuck about what the family thinks either because it's a hassle and they gossip too much, but that he can still "play the game", that it's a social thing, to get along with other people. And that if they talk about me that it's a compliment because if I was a nobody then no one would care or talk so I shouldn't care about what they think and just go meet them.

I have a feeling my dad can tell I'm neurotic too.

****I just wonder if most people meet their extended family often, if that's a common thing to do.*****

you are extremely neurotic - which is kind of sad. somebody on here said you were attractive - and you're still only 30 which is fairly young, sounds like you are upper middle class or wealthy too - you should be happier than you are. you think your way round and round in circles forever chasing your tail and counting how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.

i'm not being mean or condescending - it sucks for you, it's not a great way to live but living another way I am sure is more scary than how you are now or you would change or try to change harder.

most people if given the opportunity to meet their extended family would jump at the chance. i'd say maybe 10% of people feel the way you do.

I just wonder what's the point of extended family, isn't enough to deal with immediate family, why do we have to deal with extended too?

My mom has 9 brothers and sisters so I have 9 aunts and uncles. That's already a lot of family, especially with all their kids (my cousins). That's already huge, and with extended family it's like thousands of us (seriously), what's the point of dealing with extended?

No, it's no big deal. I'll go meet them, my dad only comes over once every few years. It's not like I have to meet my extended family ever weekend for lunch. I think I can handle it. And I'll do it, it's my dad after all.

I just wondered how many people usually go to extended family gatherings.

So would YOU jump at the chance if you had to?

well i've already met my extended family many timesand to be honest my parents generation is dying off and the next generation isn't keeping things going much. there was a big family reunion on my mother's side about 10 years ago and when I look at the pictures it's frightening how many have died since.

but no i wouldn't go but that because i am MORE neurotic than you

which makes me an expert

Is that even possible??

Well, even tho you are neurotic (IF you are), at least you met them once so you were able to go through with it.

My extended family is on the GRANDPARENTS LEVEL. I think each grandparent on both sides probably had like 10 brothers and sisters and 10 cousins. And as for the GREAT GRANDPARENTS back from the mainlaind, I think some were high ranking officials and had like 3-4 wives or something in the 1800's so it was like even worse, those people are somehow in the family too.

yes it's possible!

you should just do it - after you've done it you'll feel good i'm sure.