Anyone have some good jokes?

Compdoctor has daily jokes here on gfy. Do a search on his name

Two black men are walking down a street and they see a sign that reads, "Become white for only 99 cents"

The men look at each other and say, "Lets do it!"

One of them has a dollar bill and the other only has 98 cents.

So the guy with the buck says, look, I'll go in first, get white, get my penny change, give it to you and then you can go in and get white too!

They agree, he goes in, gets white and he gets his penny change.

As he walks out, the brotha standing outside says, "Gimme the penny so I cant get white too!"

He replies: "Fuck off Nig-r"

how come mexians are never seen in the olympics?

because any that can run or jump are already over the border.

JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE...




What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan




What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but you can do it alone.




What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag




Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.




What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts




Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.




What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.




What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.




What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs




What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes




What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.




Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.




Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.




What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.




Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.




Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.




What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.




What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"




Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.




Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.




Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.




Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.




Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.




Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong"




What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment




What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".




How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!




What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....




Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Check this thread for your inspiration: http://www.gfy.com/showthread.php?t=732051&page=1

Thanks everyone! Now I just have to remember them LOL

Christmas is shit. Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross

Why is a christmas tree better than a man?
Its always erect,it stays up for 12 days and nights.
It has cute balls,and actually looks better with the lights on.

Why is Santa Claus always smiling?
Because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Why is Santa's sack so full?
Because he only comes once a year!

how do you know Santa is a man

1.he turns up late
2.drinks your booze
3.emptys his sac
4.only comes once
5.and fucks off before you wake up

why doesn't santa and mrs. claus have any children?
cause santa only cums once a year and its always during the christmas period

Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
He comes down the chimney and says "Hi kids! You want to buy some presents?"

I told the wife i was going to get her diamonds for Christmas she said nothing would please her more,so I'm getting her nothing instead

I love this thread!!!!