Bro, I stay positive & so should you.
Instead of "freaking tile floor is hard and I bruised my shin, she nearly fell off the counter when I set her up on it and as I had her on the counter and was thrusting away I smacked my balls into the handle on the dishwasher"
May I suggest:
This cum slut was so demanding of all my cock that I didn't even notice how I was pulverizing my lower leg as I fucked her hard on the tile.
I was demolishing that ass so badly that I barely noticed the repeated impact of my engorged sperm sack on the appliances."
Also, pics.
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