The Dangers of Holding a Door for Someone...

bump for old time's sake

I am no longer holding doors open for people. I'm sick of it.

First of all how far does someone have to be for you to not have to hold the door for them? 50ft? 100ft?

Then, don't they have a responsibility to hurry up now that you are standing there holding it. Some fuckers take their own sweet time. what the fuck is that? I want to slam the guys head in the door jam five or six times when he finally gets there and watch him bleed from his eyes.

Then again, I hate when some asshole decides he will do his one good deed of the day and hold a door for me when I'm 300ft away. Now, it's cold out and I feel a responsibility to run to the door so the fucking boyscout of the year doesn't have to stand there too long. Now, I'm not in the best shape of my life so I break a sweat and I'm breathing heavy while I try to pour my fucking coffee. All because Dudley do-right decided he'd save me the monumental struggle of opening a door.

The worst is when you exit a door realizing that there was a person not far behind you...so you now have to double step it so when they come out, they see that you were way too far to have had to hold the door for them so you do not appear rude. Who the fuck am I fooling? The door is glass, they can see.

Of course you can get yourself in trouble holding doors too. You hold a door for a guy and then the next five people hurry up to get in and you are magically transformed into the goddamn doorman at the Hilton. I hate that shit. I was holding it for one fucking guy! Not the entire New York Jets, you fuckers! Now you have to try to make eye contact with someone to pass the door off like a goddamn baton in a relay race. Of course everyone is in on the joke so they all look down at their feet. i feel like putting on white gloves and holding my hand out.

I need this shit first thing in the morning? that's it, no more door holding for me!