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Reality Dating Application
First Name:________________________________
Last Name:_____________________________
Address:__________________________________
Phone Number:_________________________
Age:_____
(please attach copy of birth certificate to application)
Weight:_____ Height:_____
(not what you put on your driver?s license)
1). How many times a week do you bathe/shower?
___ None (afraid of being sucked down the drain)
___ 1-3 (when flies mistake me for a pile of shit)
___ 4-6 (high hopes of getting intimate with someone)
___ 7 or more (have every brand of shower gel on the market and not enough days in a week to try them all)
2). Do you leave brown stripes in your underwear?
___ Yes, I believe in conserving toilet paper.
___ No, I don?t wear underwear.
3). How often do you wash your bedding?
___ Daily (must be a nympho)
___ Once a week (at the carwash)
___ Yearly (when I get my tax refund)
___ Never (haven?t brought a date home in years)
4). What are your shopping habits?
___ I prefer shopping at garage sales. (leaves more money to buy my booze with)
___ I prefer shopping at discount stores. (can buy ten times more junk food for less)
___ I prefer shopping at the mall. (great place to check out cute butts)
___ I prefer to shop at all the finer stores (until all the credit cards are maxed out)
___ I don?t pay for anything, I just take it.
5). You are sitting in your recliner watching television and sneeze a juicy one, what do you do?
___ Wipe my nose on my sleeve then give someone a great big hug.
___ Wipe my nose with the remote.
___ Yell for someone to bring me a tissue, then hide/stuff it down the chair when I?m done with it.
6). You are cuddling with your sweetheart in bed and feel gas pressure building, what do you do?
___ Excuse myself and make a mad dash to the bathroom.
___ Let it blow and brag about how I made the windows shake.
___ Blast the stink bomb then toss the covers over both our heads so we can enjoy the juicy aroma.
___ Let it leak out silently and blame it on the dog.
7). The toilet breaks and needs repaired, what do you do?
___ Get the duct tape out and fix it myself.
___ Wait and see if it will miraculously fix itself.
___ Hire someone to fix it.
___ Choose to do nothing and use the gas station?s restroom for the rest of the year.
8.) How do you feel about washing dishes?
___ Love playing in bubbles and beg for people to dirty more dishes.
___ Only when company is coming.
___ Out of the question, I might break a nail.
___ I?m allergic to dish soap.
___ I consider dirty dishes to be a work of art and stack them all over the house/apt. as decorations.
9). How do you feel about mowing the lawn and misc. yard work?
___ Can?t wait to get the rider out so I can chase the neighbor?s cat around the yard.
___ Hire a lawn care company.
___ Just set it on fire once a year.
___ Do nothing at all, I enjoy living in a jungle.
10). Your dog accidentally takes a dump inside, what do you do?
___ Wait a couple days, wrap it up and toss it into the lost & found box at work.
___ Call my mom and have her come clean it up.
___ Ignore it and hope it will go away.
___ Call 911 and tell them I have an emergency.
11). Which best describes your cooking?
___ I must be an excellent cook because everyone I know eats at my house.
___ I burn everything and the dog refuses to eat it.
___ I have all the delivery places on speed dial.
___ I don?t cook, I have my own personal chef.
12). You are driving down the highway and notice your ex?s car pulled over with a flat tire,
what do you do?
___ Pull over and grab my old cd player out of the car while they are changing the flat.
___ Drive by and act like I don?t see them.
___ Blow the horn and yell out the window ?It sucks to be you?.
I hereby attest and verify that the information I have provided in this application is absolutely false and misrepresented. I understand that any
honest or true answers could lead to me spending the rest of my life alone.
Signature:______________________________ Date:_________________________
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ADG
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