Ok, first off for the men.
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the rest of the kitchen appliances.
What do you do when you're wife is stumbling around in the front yard?
Shoot the bitch again.
Why do they name hurricanes after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild and leave with your house and your car.
For the women:
What do men and linolium have in common?
Lay em right and you can walk on em for 25-50 years.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
And my favorite:
What do men and snowstorms have in common?
You can never tell when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they'll stay
Enjoy :P