Quote:
Originally Posted by JustDaveXxx
I love my girlfriend and can live like man and wife but as far as having a state enforced contract (marriage), no fucking way!! That is just stupid!!
My girl tried to pull a power move one time. It was 4 month after my daughter was born. She was upset because of my work schedule and how work was always first in my lists of priorities. She wanted me to change and i said no. I worked hard before we were together and im not gonna stop now.
She got upset and told me she was done and she was gonna leave me. i told her where the good luggage was, let her pack up some of her stuff, she took my daughter and left the house.
I showed no emotions and told her, "sorry you feel that way, here is some money and good luck to you and i hope you find your happiness". It was crushing inside, but could not let her see it effect me at all or it would seriously change the relationship dynamics. When women know what will fuck with you, they will use it to get you when they fight with you. Seen that shit happen to my friends often.
Being married to my girl, and my girl knowing she could take half of my shit on the way out would have really made for good amo in her argument or give her serious tools to really fuck my day up. keep in mind when women are pissed, they will go to extreme lengths to fuck with you. Taking half of your shit is one of these things.
I have had friends get their most prized possessions taken from them in divorces and given to their ex wife's new boyfriends. Harley Davidson motor cycles, sports cars, Rolex watches, tools, jet skis, etc. Seen grown men cry over that shit too.
OJ Simpson payed his Ex wife 22K per month and gave up half his shit. OJ saw his ex wife's boy toy driving his car, living off of his money and went ape shit and killed both of them. Not saying its right, but some men in that situation can definitely understand the anger and frustration of getting hosed in a divorce.
Long story short, i played it cool for two days, did not raise my voice and was really relaxed for this whole "im leaving you" crap. My girlfriend came to her senses and realized that im not gonna change and i don't play games. Needless to say, that was the last argument or fight we ever had.
When you pay all of the bills, all of the cars are in your name, the house is in your name, your girl does not have to work at all and you 2 are not legally married, your girl is less likely to try and fight with you or fuck with you. She may push one time and on that one time, you let her go with out fighting with her, you will have a drama free existence from then on with your mate.
If you really want to fuck your relationship up, get married. First year law school made me see marriage for what it really was. A seriously flawed one sided contract. Fuck that!!
Only one exception to this "don't get married rule". If the girl has way more than you and you don't have to work, get married. I have had a 3 friends in that position.  |
Dave,
I agree with most of what you have said here.
BUT as a son of a father who provided everything from a financial standpoint but nothing from an emotional standpoint, I will disagree.
Money is great, putting a roof over a head is great, and making sure there is food on the table is great. But doing all that and missing out on the basics of a childs life is SHIT.
Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who has chosen to never get married and never have children. (Explain more about that later)
I once had a conversation with my dad, I simply told him that my sister and I didn't care about money, we just wanted him to be there when it mattered. Soccer game, Hockey game, Theater project, etc.
Women give unconditionally to their child and will sacrifice time and selfish thoughts, to be their when the above things happen, because they look at the child as being first. Men look at being the provider as their number one goal.
In the end a child doesn't care about anything more than a mom and dad being their when shit matters most to the child. They don't care about fancy houses, cars, meals, etc. They want mommy and daddy to be their and spend time with them.
I personally am not willing to make that sacrifice and know that about myself, so I have chosen to not have children. Once a person choses to have children, that child should come first in all decisions, and to a child, time is far more important than money.
I am not here to tell you how you should or should not live your life, but I bet that if you really had a serious chat with your girl, your daughter would come to the forefront of the issue that brought about the entire situation that you describe above. Once again, I am not trying to tell you how to live your life, but in the end, you can make more money, but you can't make more TIME.
I have personally chosen to not get married and not have kids. I believe marriage is a flawed institution that has become a hallmark holiday. Watching people spend 10's of 1000's or 100's of 1000's of dollars on weddings has become completely insane. I am happy to say that I am with a woman now that I completely believe I am meant to be with, but we do not need court or state papers to tell us that.
With our relationship comes compromise, within the boundries of who each of us individually are, and understanding that we are who we are, but that we also have to understand that we are a working unit makes everything different. I still retain exactly who I am, but at the same time neither of us make decisions based on us being individual units, but yet decisions based upon us being a working partnership with goals aimed in the same direction.
Communication is key to all of the above. WIth out communication and unbiased listening, things, in my opinion, can fall apart quickly. A relationship is a partnership and should be treated as such. You won't always agree 100%, but in the end make sure both people are working as hard as possible toward the same goals, and you will alway come out ahead.