the simpsons. HAHHAHAAAA

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  • hahmike
    So Fucking Banned
    • May 2002
    • 2488
    #1

    the simpsons. HAHHAHAAAA

    mr burns, speaking to his football team before the big game:

    "men, there's a little crippled boy laying in a hospital, who wants you to win this game. i know this because................ i crippled him myself to inspire you."







    feel free to post your favorite simpsons quotes.
    Tags: None
    • adamneve
      LIVING LA VITA LOCA
      • Oct 2002
      • 13333
      #2
      Originally posted by hahmike
      mr burns, speaking to his football team before the big game:

      "men, there's a little crippled boy laying in a hospital, who wants you to win this game. i know this because................ i crippled him myself to inspire you."







      feel free to post your favorite simpsons quotes.
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        Comment

        • Gutterboy
          So Fucking Banned
          • Jul 2002
          • 4751
          #3
          "This so called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate."

          - Rev. Lovejoy

            Comment

            • thesexattic
              Confirmed User
              • Oct 2002
              • 256
              #4
              Just more proof to show that is by far the best written show in the history of television!
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                Comment

                • DrGuile
                  Confirmed User
                  • Jan 2002
                  • 2025
                  #5
                  Bart: Dad, what is your religion?

                  Homer: You know... the one with all the well meaning rules that dont work out in real life.... Christianity"

                  ------------------------------------------------

                  Homer: There are 3 ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!

                  Bart: Isnt that the wrong way?

                  Homer: Yes! But Faster!!
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                    • CigarMan
                      Registered User
                      • May 2003
                      • 81
                      #6
                      "Lisa, you tried your hardest and you failed. The lesson is, never try."

                      -Homer Simpson

                      "OK brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, let's just get through this so I can go back to killing you with beer."

                      -Homer Simpson

                      Man, I love that show.
                      <a href="http://www.wepayu.com">We Pay U 70% Recurring</a>

                        Comment

                        • Bex
                          Confirmed User
                          • Feb 2003
                          • 2382
                          #7
                          Homer speaking to mail clerk:

                          "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns ... I beleive you have a letter for me?"

                          Clerk: Ok Mr. Burns, what is your first name?

                          Homer: I don't know.



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                            Comment

                            • thesexattic
                              Confirmed User
                              • Oct 2002
                              • 256
                              #8
                              .

                              Homer: That's not a job, it's a waste of time. What can poor people pay you? Nothing! What satisfaction you get from helping them? None! Who wants to help poor people anyway? Nobody!
                              Last edited by thesexattic; 05-12-2003, 11:02 AM.
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                                • thesexattic
                                  Confirmed User
                                  • Oct 2002
                                  • 256
                                  #9
                                  Barney: Aw, Moe, we were saved by a sissy.

                                  Moe: Yeah, yeah, we'll never live it down. Oh, boy, it looks like
                                  it's suicide again for me.

                                  Homer: Hey! We owe this guy, and I don't want you calling him a sissy. This guy's a fruit, and a... no, wait, wait, wait: queer, queer
                                  queer! That's what you like to be called, right?

                                  John: Well, that or John.

                                  Lisa: This is about as tolerant as Dad gets so you should be
                                  flattered.
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                                    Comment

                                    • Dildozer
                                      Confirmed User
                                      • Jul 2002
                                      • 7519
                                      #10
                                      Marge: Homer! This is the worst thing you've ever done!!

                                      Homer: Oh Marge, you've said that so many times it's lost all meaning.
                                      Spam link here

                                        Comment

                                        • DarkJedi
                                          No Refunds Issued.
                                          • Feb 2001
                                          • 28301
                                          #11
                                          Lisa: Mr. Burns, I hardly see what destroying our meager possessions is going to accomplish?

                                          Burns: She's right. Take me home, Smithers, we'll destroy something tasteful.

                                            Comment

                                            • thesexattic
                                              Confirmed User
                                              • Oct 2002
                                              • 256
                                              #12
                                              Homer: "He didn't give you gay did he?"
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                                                • foe
                                                  Confirmed User
                                                  • May 2002
                                                  • 5246
                                                  #13
                                                  Originally posted by thesexattic
                                                  Barney: Aw, Moe, we were saved by a sissy.

                                                  Moe: Yeah, yeah, we'll never live it down. Oh, boy, it looks like
                                                  it's suicide again for me.

                                                  Homer: Hey! We owe this guy, and I don't want you calling him a sissy. This guy's a fruit, and a... no, wait, wait, wait: queer, queer
                                                  queer! That's what you like to be called, right?

                                                  John: Well, that or John.

                                                  Lisa: This is about as tolerant as Dad gets so you should be
                                                  flattered.
                                                  Great episode

                                                    Comment

                                                    • thesexattic
                                                      Confirmed User
                                                      • Oct 2002
                                                      • 256
                                                      #14
                                                      my fav!
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                                                        • evildick
                                                          #15
                                                          "Beer, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

                                                          I always remember that one because it seems to be completely true in my case.

                                                            Comment

                                                            • thesexattic
                                                              Confirmed User
                                                              • Oct 2002
                                                              • 256
                                                              #16
                                                              Homer: "I told you.......I thought the cop was a prostitute"
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                                                                • CigarMan
                                                                  Registered User
                                                                  • May 2003
                                                                  • 81
                                                                  #17
                                                                  Homer gets voted in as union president.

                                                                  Homer: "Hey, what does this job pay?"

                                                                  Lenny: "Nothing"

                                                                  Homer: "Doh!!"

                                                                  Carl: "Unless you're crooked."

                                                                  Homer: " WOOOOOHOOOOO"
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                                                                    • vegasdude
                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                      • Jul 2001
                                                                      • 3649
                                                                      #18
                                                                      Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:

                                                                      You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."
                                                                      Did you fucking talk to me??!
                                                                      Who the fuck told you to talk to me??!"

                                                                        Comment

                                                                        • vegasdude
                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                          • Jul 2001
                                                                          • 3649
                                                                          #19
                                                                          Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
                                                                          Did you fucking talk to me??!
                                                                          Who the fuck told you to talk to me??!"

                                                                            Comment

                                                                            • vegasdude
                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                              • Jul 2001
                                                                              • 3649
                                                                              #20
                                                                              If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!
                                                                              Did you fucking talk to me??!
                                                                              Who the fuck told you to talk to me??!"

                                                                                Comment

                                                                                • DrGuile
                                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                                  • Jan 2002
                                                                                  • 2025
                                                                                  #21
                                                                                  Homer: WHY MUST YOU MOCK ME, OH LORD?!

                                                                                  Marge: Thats not God Homer, its just an old waffle bart tossed up there.

                                                                                  ---Marge brings down the waffle with broomstick----

                                                                                  Homer: I know I shouldnt eat thee.... hmmmmm.... Sacrelicious!
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                                                                                    • vegasdude
                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                      • Jul 2001
                                                                                      • 3649
                                                                                      #22
                                                                                      "Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."
                                                                                      Did you fucking talk to me??!
                                                                                      Who the fuck told you to talk to me??!"

                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                        • Gimmy
                                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                                          • Jul 2002
                                                                                          • 1069
                                                                                          #23
                                                                                          I love it when he starts to pray and calls Jesus, "Jebus" and mentions the gods of all religions

                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                            • tical
                                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                                              • Feb 2002
                                                                                              • 6504
                                                                                              #24
                                                                                              (homer impersonating mr. burns)


                                                                                              Homer: Exxaaaccttlyy (puts fingertips together)


                                                                                              Only a few of you guys will get that one ;)
                                                                                              112.020.756

                                                                                                Comment

                                                                                                • gornyhuy
                                                                                                  Chafed.
                                                                                                  • May 2002
                                                                                                  • 18041
                                                                                                  #25
                                                                                                  At the breakfast table, bart is about to eat some bacon...
                                                                                                  Homer: I said butter that bacon, boy.
                                                                                                  Bart: But Dad....
                                                                                                  Homer(drawn out): BUTTER IT....
                                                                                                  (bart spreads butter on the bacon)

                                                                                                  later in the same meal, bart is about to eat a sausage...
                                                                                                  Homer: Bacon that sausage boy....
                                                                                                  Bart: but my heart hurts.
                                                                                                  Homer: BACON IT.
                                                                                                  (bart wraps bacon around his sausage)

                                                                                                  icq:159548293

                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                    • psili
                                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                                      • Apr 2003
                                                                                                      • 5526
                                                                                                      #26
                                                                                                      Bart: Homer, are you licking toads?
                                                                                                      Homer: I'm not not licking toads.
                                                                                                      Your post count means nothing.

                                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                                        • Beastiepoo
                                                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                                                          • Mar 2002
                                                                                                          • 1971
                                                                                                          #27
                                                                                                          Originally posted by DrGuile
                                                                                                          Homer: WHY MUST YOU MOCK ME, OH LORD?!

                                                                                                          Marge: Thats not God Homer, its just an old waffle bart tossed up there.

                                                                                                          ---Marge brings down the waffle with broomstick----

                                                                                                          Homer: I know I shouldnt eat thee.... hmmmmm.... Sacrelicious!
                                                                                                          That was one of tonights episodes!!! One of my favs. My MOST favourite favourite is the one with the following line in it. Anyone remember what the episode is about??

                                                                                                          Homer: Oooh! I'm making people HAPPY! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land who lives down Lolly Pop Laaaaane!!! (Homer slams the door behind him)

                                                                                                          Well? Any takers??
                                                                                                          Dammit! My timing SUCKS!
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                                                                                                            • michaelw
                                                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                                                              • May 2002
                                                                                                              • 1342
                                                                                                              #28
                                                                                                              Originally posted by thesexattic
                                                                                                              Barney: Aw, Moe, we were saved by a sissy.

                                                                                                              Moe: Yeah, yeah, we'll never live it down. Oh, boy, it looks like
                                                                                                              it's suicide again for me.

                                                                                                              Homer: Hey! We owe this guy, and I don't want you calling him a sissy. This guy's a fruit, and a... no, wait, wait, wait: queer, queer
                                                                                                              queer! That's what you like to be called, right?

                                                                                                              John: Well, that or John.

                                                                                                              Lisa: This is about as tolerant as Dad gets so you should be
                                                                                                              flattered.
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                                                                                                                • Shooter
                                                                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                                                                  • Apr 2001
                                                                                                                  • 2842
                                                                                                                  #29
                                                                                                                  Originally posted by Beastiepoo


                                                                                                                  That was one of tonights episodes!!! One of my favs. My MOST favourite favourite is the one with the following line in it. Anyone remember what the episode is about??

                                                                                                                  Homer: Oooh! I'm making people HAPPY! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land who lives down Lolly Pop Laaaaane!!! (Homer slams the door behind him)

                                                                                                                  Well? Any takers??
                                                                                                                  mmm....the episode where he's a country music promoter?

                                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                                    • Shooter
                                                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                                                      • Apr 2001
                                                                                                                      • 2842
                                                                                                                      #30
                                                                                                                      Originally posted by tical
                                                                                                                      (homer impersonating mr. burns)


                                                                                                                      Homer: Exxaaaccttlyy (puts fingertips together)


                                                                                                                      Only a few of you guys will get that one ;)
                                                                                                                      Auditioning for Mr. Burns' short film?

                                                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                                                        • NWPhil
                                                                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                                                                          • Apr 2003
                                                                                                                          • 1960
                                                                                                                          #31
                                                                                                                          Originally posted by CigarMan
                                                                                                                          Homer gets voted in as union president.
                                                                                                                          Homer: "Hey, what does this job pay?"
                                                                                                                          Lenny: "Nothing"
                                                                                                                          Homer: "Doh!!"
                                                                                                                          Carl: "Unless you're crooked."
                                                                                                                          Homer: " WOOOOOHOOOOO"
                                                                                                                          WOOOOHOO!

                                                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                                                            • DrGuile
                                                                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                                                                              • Jan 2002
                                                                                                                              • 2025
                                                                                                                              #32
                                                                                                                              Originally posted by Beastiepoo


                                                                                                                              That was one of tonights episodes!!! One of my favs. My MOST favourite favourite is the one with the following line in it. Anyone remember what the episode is about??

                                                                                                                              Homer: Oooh! I'm making people HAPPY! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land who lives down Lolly Pop Laaaaane!!! (Homer slams the door behind him)

                                                                                                                              Well? Any takers??
                                                                                                                              Cant seem to recall the episode... its an old one...

                                                                                                                              Marge: You should take pride in the fact that what you are doing is making people happy.


                                                                                                                              But I cant remember what he does....
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                                                                                                                                • DrGuile
                                                                                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                  • Jan 2002
                                                                                                                                  • 2025
                                                                                                                                  #33
                                                                                                                                  I have 3 favorites episode.

                                                                                                                                  Globex Corporation

                                                                                                                                  Max Power http://www.drguile.com/temp/maxpowertheme.mp3

                                                                                                                                  The Beer Baron



                                                                                                                                  Narator: ...Walking about in a garish new hat he seems to say: "Look at me Rex Baner, I have new hat"
                                                                                                                                  Last edited by DrGuile; 05-12-2003, 01:49 PM.
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                                                                                                                                    • ldinternet
                                                                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                      • Apr 2001
                                                                                                                                      • 8245
                                                                                                                                      #34
                                                                                                                                      Originally posted by Beastiepoo


                                                                                                                                      That was one of tonights episodes!!! One of my favs. My MOST favourite favourite is the one with the following line in it. Anyone remember what the episode is about??

                                                                                                                                      Homer: Oooh! I'm making people HAPPY! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land who lives down Lolly Pop Laaaaane!!! (Homer slams the door behind him)

                                                                                                                                      Well? Any takers??

                                                                                                                                      8F08 - Flaming Moe's

                                                                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                                                                        • DrGuile
                                                                                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                          • Jan 2002
                                                                                                                                          • 2025
                                                                                                                                          #35
                                                                                                                                          Originally posted by ldinternet



                                                                                                                                          8F08 - Flaming Moe's

                                                                                                                                          That is a good episode!
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                                                                                                                                            • AngelAllgood
                                                                                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                              • May 2003
                                                                                                                                              • 295
                                                                                                                                              #36
                                                                                                                                              Originally posted by DrGuile


                                                                                                                                              That is a good episode!
                                                                                                                                              ditto
                                                                                                                                              PG4L

                                                                                                                                                Comment

                                                                                                                                                • evildick
                                                                                                                                                  #37
                                                                                                                                                  Ever see the one where Homer gets turned to 3D and ends up walking down the street in the real world, with real people walking by and shit.

                                                                                                                                                  I think it was a Halloween episode.

                                                                                                                                                  I've only seen it twice.

                                                                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                                                                    • C-Bass
                                                                                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                      • Apr 2003
                                                                                                                                                      • 3153
                                                                                                                                                      #38
                                                                                                                                                      Homer: Its pronounced NU-CU-LAR

                                                                                                                                                      or

                                                                                                                                                      Homer (singing): " I am so smart, I am so smart....S-M-R-T!"
                                                                                                                                                      "Unhappy with the riches 'cause you're piss poor morally."

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                                                                                                                                                        • traffictrader
                                                                                                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                          • Sep 2002
                                                                                                                                                          • 1331
                                                                                                                                                          #39
                                                                                                                                                          Globex Corporation:

                                                                                                                                                          the name of the episode is "you only move twice," it's hands down the best episode, for me it goes like this..


                                                                                                                                                          1. You only Movie Twice
                                                                                                                                                          2. Focusin (bart gets drugs to help him in school, he thinks MLB is after him)
                                                                                                                                                          3. Flaming Moes

                                                                                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                                                                                            • evildick
                                                                                                                                                              #40
                                                                                                                                                              Here it is:



                                                                                                                                                                Comment

                                                                                                                                                                • Mr.Teen
                                                                                                                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                  • Jan 2003
                                                                                                                                                                  • 800
                                                                                                                                                                  #41
                                                                                                                                                                  This is the legalizing weed one:

                                                                                                                                                                  Homer: You know, they call them fingers but they don't fing.

                                                                                                                                                                  The bus driver: hah yeah

                                                                                                                                                                  Homer: Oh wait there they go.



                                                                                                                                                                  <img src="http://dn5.com/Dead12.gif">

                                                                                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                                                                                    • 49thParallel
                                                                                                                                                                      So Fucking Banned
                                                                                                                                                                      • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                                      • 1197
                                                                                                                                                                      #42
                                                                                                                                                                      Homer sits Bart in the middle of the freeway in a chair, facing a Laramee ad with a picture of a volupuous woman smoking a cigarette...(after Homer thinks Bart may be Gay)

                                                                                                                                                                      HOMER: Does that ad make you want a woman?

                                                                                                                                                                      BART: No, but I could really go for a smoke.

                                                                                                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                                                                                                        • Beastiepoo
                                                                                                                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                          • Mar 2002
                                                                                                                                                                          • 1971
                                                                                                                                                                          #43
                                                                                                                                                                          Originally posted by ldinternet



                                                                                                                                                                          8F08 - Flaming Moe's

                                                                                                                                                                          Bang on! Good to know that I'm not the only one around here that knows WAY too much about the Simpsons.
                                                                                                                                                                          Dammit! My timing SUCKS!
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                                                                                                                                                                            • DrGuile
                                                                                                                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                              • Jan 2002
                                                                                                                                                                              • 2025
                                                                                                                                                                              #44
                                                                                                                                                                              Marge: You have the right to remain silent.


                                                                                                                                                                              Homer: I choose to wave that right.... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
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                                                                                                                                                                                • Swoit
                                                                                                                                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                  • Apr 2003
                                                                                                                                                                                  • 256
                                                                                                                                                                                  #45
                                                                                                                                                                                  Pop Quiz for the real fans...

                                                                                                                                                                                  In the episode where homer gets fat so he can work at home, they visit dr. nick riveria. He makes some suggestions about how to get fatter quicker (eg. eating pop tarts instead of toast).. etc.

                                                                                                                                                                                  What suggestion does bart make, that makes him say "hey little boy, did you go to hollywood upstairs medical school too?"

                                                                                                                                                                                  :-)


                                                                                                                                                                                  Steve
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                                                                                                                                                                                    • Yo Adrian
                                                                                                                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                      • Apr 2002
                                                                                                                                                                                      • 6326
                                                                                                                                                                                      #46
                                                                                                                                                                                      Homer trying to get Marge to donate her uterus for money....

                                                                                                                                                                                      "C'mon Marge, it's a uterUS not a uterYOU"

                                                                                                                                                                                      LOL
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                                                                                                                                                                                        • psyko514
                                                                                                                                                                                          See sig. Join Epic Cash.
                                                                                                                                                                                          • Oct 2002
                                                                                                                                                                                          • 22366
                                                                                                                                                                                          #47
                                                                                                                                                                                          Originally posted by Swoit
                                                                                                                                                                                          Pop Quiz for the real fans...

                                                                                                                                                                                          In the episode where homer gets fat so he can work at home, they visit dr. nick riveria. He makes some suggestions about how to get fatter quicker (eg. eating pop tarts instead of toast).. etc.

                                                                                                                                                                                          What suggestion does bart make, that makes him say "hey little boy, did you go to hollywood upstairs medical school too?"

                                                                                                                                                                                          :-)


                                                                                                                                                                                          Steve
                                                                                                                                                                                          You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!

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                                                                                                                                                                                            • psyko514
                                                                                                                                                                                              See sig. Join Epic Cash.
                                                                                                                                                                                              • Oct 2002
                                                                                                                                                                                              • 22366
                                                                                                                                                                                              #48
                                                                                                                                                                                              King Size Homer is one of my favorite episodes

                                                                                                                                                                                              Homer: I'm looking for something loose and billowy, something comfortable for my first day of work.
                                                                                                                                                                                              Salesman: Work, huh? Let me guess. Computer programmer, computer magazine columnist, something with computers?
                                                                                                                                                                                              Homer: Well, I use a computer.
                                                                                                                                                                                              Salesman: [quiet] Yeah, what's the connection? Must be the non-stop sitting and snacking. [loud] Well, sir, many of our clients find pants confining, so we offer a range of alternatives for the ample gentleman: ponchos, muumuus, capes, jumpsuits, unisheets, muslim body rolls, academic and judicial robes..
                                                                                                                                                                                              Homer: I don't want to look like a weirdo. I'll just go with a
                                                                                                                                                                                              muumuu.

                                                                                                                                                                                              Homer: "To Start Press Any Key". Where's the ANY key?
                                                                                                                                                                                              I see Esk , Catarl, and Pig-Up. There doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB. Aww...no time for that now, the computer's starting.
                                                                                                                                                                                              "Check core temperature, yes slash no." Y-E-S
                                                                                                                                                                                              "Core temperature normal." Hmph. Not too shabby.
                                                                                                                                                                                              "Vent radioactive gas." N-O
                                                                                                                                                                                              "Venting prevents explosi-on." Heeheee...whoa, this is hard.
                                                                                                                                                                                              Where's my Tab? Okay, then, Y-E-S, vent the stupid gas.
                                                                                                                                                                                              (gas gets released in a farm and destroys some corn)
                                                                                                                                                                                              Farmer: Oh, no! The corn. Paul Newman's gonna have my legs broke.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                • Swoit
                                                                                                                                                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                                  • Apr 2003
                                                                                                                                                                                                  • 256
                                                                                                                                                                                                  #49
                                                                                                                                                                                                  You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!
                                                                                                                                                                                                  Ding! winner...



                                                                                                                                                                                                  Ok, in the same episode, name the 3 overlooked food groups that dr nick talks about


                                                                                                                                                                                                  Steve
                                                                                                                                                                                                  SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                    • psyko514
                                                                                                                                                                                                      See sig. Join Epic Cash.
                                                                                                                                                                                                      • Oct 2002
                                                                                                                                                                                                      • 22366
                                                                                                                                                                                                      #50
                                                                                                                                                                                                      more King Size Homer

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Lisa: Ew! Mom, this whole thing is really creepy. Are you sure you won't talk to Dad?
                                                                                                                                                                                                      Marge: Hmmm, I'd like to, honey, but I'm not sure how. Your father can be surprisingly sensitive. Remember when I giggled at his Sherlock Holmes hat? He sulked for a week and then closed his detective agency.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?
                                                                                                                                                                                                      Homer: Washing my fat guy hat, honey.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Operator: The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Bart: And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas..




                                                                                                                                                                                                      My girlfriend refuses to watch the Simpsons with me because I recite the whole episodes while watching them.

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