Can someone help me with a few of these questions...

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  • Semi-Retired-Dave
    Too lazy to set a custom title
    • Apr 2004
    • 11190

    #1

    Can someone help me with a few of these questions...

    Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?
    When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
    How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
    If you're driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
    Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
    If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
    Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
    Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drive and drink?
    Most packages say "open here," but what is the protocol if it says "open somewhere else?"
    Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
    If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress?
    Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
    If money doesn't grow on trees, why do bank have branches?
    Why do we say, "slept like a baby," when babies wake up every hour and a half?
    Why do we say alarm clocks "go off" when they start making noise?
    Why do they call it 'quicksand' when it sucks you down so slowly?
    When French people swear, do they say, "Pardon my English?"
    If everyone lost five pounds at the same time, would it throw the earth off its axis?
    What color hair do bald men put on their driver's licenses?
    How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
    If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
    Why do we "quiet down" before we can listen up?
    Why do we press the remote control harder when we know the batteries are getting weak?
    Why do bank charge a fee for "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
    Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
    Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
    Why does superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word, "lisp?"
    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
    Is there ever a day that mattresses are NOT on sale?
    Why do people go back to the refrigerator in the hope that something new to eat has materialized?
    How come we never hear "father-in-law" jokes?
    How did that "Keep Off the Grass" sign get there in the first place?
    Why are there flotation devices under the seat of planes instead of parachutes?
    Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
    What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of an airplane?
    Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
    Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
    Why do they put Braille dots on the keyboards of drive up ATM's?
    If they squeeze olive oil out of olives, how do they get baby oil?
    If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
    Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
    Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
    If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
    Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
    How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
    Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
    Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
    Support a Good Cause
  • 2012
    So Fucking What
    • Jul 2006
    • 17189

    #2
    Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?
    - i dont know
    When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
    - its possible
    How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
    - telepathically
    If you're driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
    - Telepathically
    Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
    - stupidity?
    If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
    - probably
    Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
    - because they can
    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
    - Alex Jones told me to fuck off
    Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drive and drink?
    - it's a trap
    Most packages say "open here," but what is the protocol if it says "open somewhere else?"
    - then open elsewhere, that simple.
    Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
    - it's french
    If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress?
    - yes
    Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
    - because this is America
    If money doesn't grow on trees, why do bank have branches?
    - more places to hide the stash
    Why do we say, "slept like a baby," when babies wake up every hour and a half?
    - who knows
    Why do we say alarm clocks "go off" when they start making noise?
    - they usually sound pissed
    Why do they call it 'quicksand' when it sucks you down so slowly?
    - sometimes its faster
    When French people swear, do they say, "Pardon my English?"
    - yes
    If everyone lost five pounds at the same time, would it throw the earth off its axis?
    - no
    What color hair do bald men put on their driver's licenses?
    - n/a
    How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
    - when you can't get a decent tone
    If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
    - why ask why
    Why do we "quiet down" before we can listen up?
    - hard to hear when you're running your mouth
    Why do we press the remote control harder when we know the batteries are getting weak?
    - punch it next time works faster
    Why do bank charge a fee for "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
    - $$$$ mo money mo money mo money
    Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
    - usually we only use 1% of our brain
    Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
    - it is a sticky substance
    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
    - hygiene
    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
    - he grew weary
    Why does superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
    - he likes ducks
    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
    - safety purposes
    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word, "lisp?"
    - obviously he/she didn't have a lisp
    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
    - different species
    Is there ever a day that mattresses are NOT on sale?
    - no
    Why do people go back to the refrigerator in the hope that something new to eat has materialized?
    - habit
    How come we never hear "father-in-law" jokes?
    - mother-in-laws are funnier
    How did that "Keep Off the Grass" sign get there in the first place?
    - very carefully
    Why are there flotation devices under the seat of planes instead of parachutes?
    - mind control tactics
    Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
    - good question
    What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of an airplane?
    - Geronimo
    Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
    - yes
    Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
    - there is usually a thin wall separation the cattle
    Why do they put Braille dots on the keyboards of drive up ATM's?
    - for blind drivers
    If they squeeze olive oil out of olives, how do they get baby oil?
    - squeezing babies
    If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
    - for smoke breaks
    Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
    - you already asked this fucking question
    Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
    - because there are 5 syllables there
    If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
    - they don't know the numbers
    Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
    - sometimes
    How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
    - too watery, moldy or foul odor
    Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
    - gfy
    Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
    - go fuck yourself
    __________________
    best host: Webair | best sponsor: Kink | best coder: 688218966 | Go Fuck Yourself

    Comment

    • munki
      Do Fun Shit.
      • Dec 2004
      • 13393

      #3
      Originally posted by 2012
      Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?
      - i dont know
      When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
      - its possible
      How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
      - telepathically
      If you're driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
      - Telepathically
      Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
      - stupidity?
      If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
      - probably
      Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
      - because they can
      You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
      - Alex Jones told me to fuck off
      Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drive and drink?
      - it's a trap
      Most packages say "open here," but what is the protocol if it says "open somewhere else?"
      - then open elsewhere, that simple.
      Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
      - it's french
      If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress?
      - yes
      Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
      - because this is America
      If money doesn't grow on trees, why do bank have branches?
      - more places to hide the stash
      Why do we say, "slept like a baby," when babies wake up every hour and a half?
      - who knows
      Why do we say alarm clocks "go off" when they start making noise?
      - they usually sound pissed
      Why do they call it 'quicksand' when it sucks you down so slowly?
      - sometimes its faster
      When French people swear, do they say, "Pardon my English?"
      - yes
      If everyone lost five pounds at the same time, would it throw the earth off its axis?
      - no
      What color hair do bald men put on their driver's licenses?
      - n/a
      How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
      - when you can't get a decent tone
      If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
      - why ask why
      Why do we "quiet down" before we can listen up?
      - hard to hear when you're running your mouth
      Why do we press the remote control harder when we know the batteries are getting weak?
      - punch it next time works faster
      Why do bank charge a fee for "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
      - $$$$ mo money mo money mo money
      Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
      - usually we only use 1% of our brain
      Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
      - it is a sticky substance
      Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
      - hygiene
      Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
      - he grew weary
      Why does superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
      - he likes ducks
      Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
      - safety purposes
      Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word, "lisp?"
      - obviously he/she didn't have a lisp
      If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
      - different species
      Is there ever a day that mattresses are NOT on sale?
      - no
      Why do people go back to the refrigerator in the hope that something new to eat has materialized?
      - habit
      How come we never hear "father-in-law" jokes?
      - mother-in-laws are funnier
      How did that "Keep Off the Grass" sign get there in the first place?
      - very carefully
      Why are there flotation devices under the seat of planes instead of parachutes?
      - mind control tactics
      Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
      - good question
      What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of an airplane?
      - Geronimo
      Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
      - yes
      Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
      - there is usually a thin wall separation the cattle
      Why do they put Braille dots on the keyboards of drive up ATM's?
      - for blind drivers
      If they squeeze olive oil out of olives, how do they get baby oil?
      - squeezing babies
      If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
      - for smoke breaks
      Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
      - you already asked this fucking question
      Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
      - because there are 5 syllables there
      If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
      - they don't know the numbers
      Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
      - sometimes
      How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
      - too watery, moldy or foul odor
      Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
      - gfy
      Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
      - go fuck yourself
      __________________

      I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.” -Oscar Wilde

      Comment

      • DudeRick
        Confirmed User
        • Feb 2004
        • 1568

        #4
        Why are you doing George Carlins stand up act?

        Comment

        • Amputate Your Head
          There can be only one
          • Aug 2001
          • 39075

          #5
          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?
          It goes back to the creation of the first televisions. They were boxes that held a "set" of vacuum tubes.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
          Wool shrinks in hot water. Rain is not hot.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
          Carpool

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If you're driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
          It is impossible for anything but light to travel at the speed of light. Moot question.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
          Profit

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
          No.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
          "Interstate" is a class of road that must meet certain criteria, such as controlled access.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
          Expense & practicality

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drive and drink?
          To prove your age

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Most packages say "open here," but what is the protocol if it says "open somewhere else?"
          I would need a sample package to fully determine this.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
          Language quirk

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress?
          No. Language quirk.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
          Parkways are for moving traffic. Driveways are entrances to garages and sometimes for parked vehicles.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If money doesn't grow on trees, why do bank have branches?
          Corporate structure terminology.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do we say, "slept like a baby," when babies wake up every hour and a half?
          Babies have no concerns other than eating, drinking, shitting and sleeping. The phrase is used to express a restful night without anxiety.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do we say alarm clocks "go off" when they start making noise?
          The alarm portion of the clock is "going off" according to it's settings. Perfectly acceptable.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do they call it 'quicksand' when it sucks you down so slowly?
          Sand is a component, and it "quickly" kills you.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          When French people swear, do they say, "Pardon my English?"
          No

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If everyone lost five pounds at the same time, would it throw the earth off its axis?
          No. The world's populations are spread across the globe. If everyone lost 5 pounds simultaneously, the only thing that would change is everyone would be 5 pounds less.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          What color hair do bald men put on their driver's licenses?
          Whatever the DMV tells them to put.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
          When they are out of tune.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
          They require more practice.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do we "quiet down" before we can listen up?
          To assimilate auditory information properly without extraneous irrelevancies.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do we press the remote control harder when we know the batteries are getting weak?
          Some people may feel the remote itself is malfunctioning.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do bank charge a fee for "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
          Profit

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
          This is an unfounded absolute. Not everyone believes or disbelieves either one.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
          It does. Most of the glue will stay fluid however, due to lack of oxygen in the bottle.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
          To protect the operators in the event of an accidental needle prick.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
          The author didn't include one.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why does superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
          Writer's preference.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
          To protect against head injury while they attempt to accomplish their mission.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word, "lisp?"
          The creator of the word.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
          Not all apes evolved simultaneously. There wasn't one large single tribe of apes, there were many spread out over the globe. Some evolved, some didn't.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Is there ever a day that mattresses are NOT on sale?
          No.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do people go back to the refrigerator in the hope that something new to eat has materialized?
          A memory returned of a forgotten item, or simple thoroughness.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          How come we never hear "father-in-law" jokes?
          They aren't funny.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          How did that "Keep Off the Grass" sign get there in the first place?
          It was placed there by a human.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why are there flotation devices under the seat of planes instead of parachutes?
          The parachute instructions are too lengthy to explain to the average passenger and would delay airport operations.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
          Language quirk.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of an airplane?
          Geronimo is dead. He doesn't jump out of planes.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
          No.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
          They're isolated cubicles that keep you "apart" from your neighbors.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do they put Braille dots on the keyboards of drive up ATM's?
          To comply with the handicap accessibility requirements.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If they squeeze olive oil out of olives, how do they get baby oil?
          Baby oil is a usually fragrant mineral oil that is used especially to moisturize and cleanse the skin.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
          In the event that they need to lock the doors.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
          This question is a duplicate and has already been addressed.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
          That is the number of syllables required to pronounce the word properly.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
          They are frauds. "Psychics" do not exist in the real world.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
          It is merely an expression that means to "be prepared". The Boy Scouts of America have a similar motto, "Be Prepared".

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
          It goes rancid.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
          We would be in the same location, but lacking an important part of human dialog.

          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
          Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
          Because there are 12 letters comprising the word.

          SIG TOO BIG

          Comment

          • Semi-Retired-Dave
            Too lazy to set a custom title
            • Apr 2004
            • 11190

            #6
            You guys are Hilarius. Nice work.
            Support a Good Cause

            Comment

            • Domain Diva
              Too lazy to set a custom title
              • Oct 2007
              • 10180

              #7
              im still getting over this one......

              When I was a kid and naughty my mom would say " you better be careful as your treading on thin ice.. and it will get you into hot water "

              I never replied... just though huh !

              Cams-Tube-Dating Domains Available At Trade Prices !
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              Comment

              • mikeyddddd
                Viva la vulva!
                • Mar 2003
                • 16557

                #8


                Comment

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