Originally Posted by 2012

Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?
- i dont know
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
- its possible
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
- telepathically
If you're driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
- Telepathically
Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
- stupidity?
If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
- probably
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
- because they can
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
- Alex Jones told me to fuck off
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drive and drink?
- it's a trap
Most packages say "open here," but what is the protocol if it says "open somewhere else?"
- then open elsewhere, that simple.
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
- it's french
If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress If con is opposite of pro, is Congress opposite of Progress?
- yes
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
- because this is America
If money doesn't grow on trees, why do bank have branches?
- more places to hide the stash
Why do we say, "slept like a baby," when babies wake up every hour and a half?
- who knows
Why do we say alarm clocks "go off" when they start making noise?
- they usually sound pissed
Why do they call it 'quicksand' when it sucks you down so slowly?
- sometimes its faster
When French people swear, do they say, "Pardon my English?"
- yes
If everyone lost five pounds at the same time, would it throw the earth off its axis?
- no
What color hair do bald men put on their driver's licenses?
- n/a
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
- when you can't get a decent tone
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
- why ask why
Why do we "quiet down" before we can listen up?
- hard to hear when you're running your mouth
Why do we press the remote control harder when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- punch it next time works faster
Why do bank charge a fee for "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
- $$$$ mo money mo money mo money
Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
- usually we only use 1% of our brain
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
- it is a sticky substance
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
- hygiene
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- he grew weary
Why does superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
- he likes ducks
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- safety purposes
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word, "lisp?"
- obviously he/she didn't have a lisp
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
- different species
Is there ever a day that mattresses are NOT on sale?
- no
Why do people go back to the refrigerator in the hope that something new to eat has materialized?
- habit
How come we never hear "father-in-law" jokes?
- mother-in-laws are funnier
How did that "Keep Off the Grass" sign get there in the first place?
- very carefully
Why are there flotation devices under the seat of planes instead of parachutes?
- mind control tactics
Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
- good question
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of an airplane?
- Geronimo
Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
- yes
Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
- there is usually a thin wall separation the cattle
Why do they put Braille dots on the keyboards of drive up ATM's?
- for blind drivers
If they squeeze olive oil out of olives, how do they get baby oil?
- squeezing babies
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
- for smoke breaks
Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
- you already asked this fucking question
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
- because there are 5 syllables there
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
- they don't know the numbers
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
- sometimes
How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
- too watery, moldy or foul odor
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
- gfy
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
- go fuck yourself
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