This is taken directly from her last blogpost in her Member's Area at brookemarks.com. I think it's hilarious, so I'll share it:
"Brooke, I think Burt Reynolds is here," she said.
"Really?" I said. For some reason, I was immediately onboard with this - and incidentally, I don't think I ever ate that salad I was bulding. "Where?" I asked.
"Right in front of us," she said, "I saw him on the way back to the table, and I did a triple-take. At first I glance I thought, 'Boy, that guy looks familiar.' Then I looked again and thought, 'Hmm, Burt Reynolds? That's who he looks like,' And then I looked again and realized it actually might be him." Ally pointed at the back of some person's grey head of hair.
He was sitting alone at a table just about a coin-flip away from our booth. I suddenly felt really aware of the volume of our voices; not that Ally is a loudmouth or anything, but let's just say her side of a conversation always tends to carry across a room. So there wasn't much doubt this man could hear us debating.
I half-whispered, "Whoever it is, he probably knows now that we think he's Burt Reynolds."
Ally didn't take the hint to lower her voice, and I cringed as she whooped, "He's like 70 years-old now, right? Do you think he's wearing a Sonic Ear?"
He heard that. Burt Reynolds, now undeniably and uncomprimisingly Burt Reynolds, spun around in his chair and stared at us. And kept staring. We shut up.
Burt kept on looking at us, as if he was waiting for an apology. Ally pushed her silverware forward and said, "Wow. Well, I'm gonna go say hello." So, in one of those adrenaline moments where you can almost hear your own heartbeat in your ears, I got up and followed Ally over to Burt's table. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it seemed like by the time I was standing there next to her, she was asking him if he would pose for pictures on our cell phone cameras. He was nice as hell, and obliged her. When it came to the point where Alec was about to snap a picture of Burt and I, Burt grabbed me fiercely by the hips and jerked me towards him, like, come here, you hussy. Gotcha. That's right, Burt Reynolds has gotcha. And now he's gotta go.
That little maneuver caught me totally off-guard, when in fact I probably should have expected it, considering who we're dealing with. Really, why was I surprised that Burt Reynolds chose to fluff me like a pillow before posing for a picture? If there's one person on earth who could even pinch the First Lady's butt in front of the President and come away unscathed, it's definitely Burt Reynolds. There's a reason why that guy has the final say in all those Miller Lite "Man Law" commercials. He had the blackbelt in that old 1970's-era flirting style, most of which was eventually filed away under "sexual harassment" over the last couple decades. And he still does things like slaps people in public - did you see that clip when he man-smacked a CBS reporter for not knowing that the latest release of "The Longest Yard" was a remake? Anyway, Burt Reynolds can flat-out get away with this stuff, and I don't even think that's a bad thing.
Tossed Around by Burt Reynolds
I was lunching at a patio table at Olive Garden, and wrestling some salad onto my plate with those crazy scissor-spoons they serve it with, when my best friend Ally came back from the washroom looking excited as hell. "Brooke, I think Burt Reynolds is here," she said.
"Really?" I said. For some reason, I was immediately onboard with this - and incidentally, I don't think I ever ate that salad I was bulding. "Where?" I asked.
"Right in front of us," she said, "I saw him on the way back to the table, and I did a triple-take. At first I glance I thought, 'Boy, that guy looks familiar.' Then I looked again and thought, 'Hmm, Burt Reynolds? That's who he looks like,' And then I looked again and realized it actually might be him." Ally pointed at the back of some person's grey head of hair.
He was sitting alone at a table just about a coin-flip away from our booth. I suddenly felt really aware of the volume of our voices; not that Ally is a loudmouth or anything, but let's just say her side of a conversation always tends to carry across a room. So there wasn't much doubt this man could hear us debating.
I half-whispered, "Whoever it is, he probably knows now that we think he's Burt Reynolds."
Ally didn't take the hint to lower her voice, and I cringed as she whooped, "He's like 70 years-old now, right? Do you think he's wearing a Sonic Ear?"
He heard that. Burt Reynolds, now undeniably and uncomprimisingly Burt Reynolds, spun around in his chair and stared at us. And kept staring. We shut up.
Burt kept on looking at us, as if he was waiting for an apology. Ally pushed her silverware forward and said, "Wow. Well, I'm gonna go say hello." So, in one of those adrenaline moments where you can almost hear your own heartbeat in your ears, I got up and followed Ally over to Burt's table. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it seemed like by the time I was standing there next to her, she was asking him if he would pose for pictures on our cell phone cameras. He was nice as hell, and obliged her. When it came to the point where Alec was about to snap a picture of Burt and I, Burt grabbed me fiercely by the hips and jerked me towards him, like, come here, you hussy. Gotcha. That's right, Burt Reynolds has gotcha. And now he's gotta go.
That little maneuver caught me totally off-guard, when in fact I probably should have expected it, considering who we're dealing with. Really, why was I surprised that Burt Reynolds chose to fluff me like a pillow before posing for a picture? If there's one person on earth who could even pinch the First Lady's butt in front of the President and come away unscathed, it's definitely Burt Reynolds. There's a reason why that guy has the final say in all those Miller Lite "Man Law" commercials. He had the blackbelt in that old 1970's-era flirting style, most of which was eventually filed away under "sexual harassment" over the last couple decades. And he still does things like slaps people in public - did you see that clip when he man-smacked a CBS reporter for not knowing that the latest release of "The Longest Yard" was a remake? Anyway, Burt Reynolds can flat-out get away with this stuff, and I don't even think that's a bad thing.
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