http://www.midgetarmy.com/2006/10/29...women-ruin-it/
October 29th, 2006
Is it just me, or is a guy sitting down to watch NFL football on Sundays a trigger for women to get fucking annoying?
When I should be enjoying football, I sometimes feel as though I am under a mortar attack. I live in California, so all the games start at 10am. I usually walk out to the couch, turn on the HD, and get ready for action.
But it never ceases to amaze me all the nagging I get!
-When are you going to rearrange your surfboards?
-Are you going to bathe your smelly dog?
-We need to go to the Farmers Market today. I know it is 2 hours away, but we will save 3 cents on a head of lettuce if we go now.
-Is this the only thing on TV today?
-Hey, Desperate Housewives is on soon, what time does this game end?
-I think we have ants in the bathroom.
-You don?t love me anymore.
-Do you think those cheerleaders are hot, I think they look like sluts.
-I wonder if Angie Harmon is at the game.
It fucking amazes me, apparently in my world, ants only get found in the bathroom on Sundays. They don?t come out on Tuesday afternoon?oh no, just Sundays. And certainly, the dog smelled like fucking expensive cologne on Wednesday, but on Sunday, he smells like a ball of shit.
?No, Football isn?t the only thing on, it is the only thing we are watching today. I think the lettuce from Ralphs is just as good as the lettuce from Bangladesh. No, I don?t think the cheerleaders are hot, that is just something that gets EVERY OTHER GUY OFF NOT ME ??.. EVER SINCE I MET YOU I HAVE BEEN SO OBSESSED WITH YOU THAT I CAN'T THINK OF GIRLS IN COWGIRL SKIRTS KICKING THEIR LEGS AND BOUNCING AROUND! Is Angie Harmon a first string cheerleader? Then NO I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS.?
AND THEN THE ABSOLUTE WORST!!!!!
-What is ?holding?? Why does that player only have one thingy on his facemask? What is a? red zone? Do think the blue team will win or the red team cause I THINK THE BLUE TEAM WILL WIN!!!?
Yep, this is when they start sitting down trying to make football a couples event! Pure torture!
Funny more, the night before, no matter what we are doing, I try to express what MY plans are and what HER plans should be.
?You know what, there are some big games on TV tomorrow, I am going to watch them. I am so excited. If I were dying from brain cancer, next to going to the mall with you and holding hands, watching tomorrow?s lineup would be my last wish.?
And her response, every time:
?Totally, I am going to go have my hair done and then stop by the grocery and see if apples are on sale.?
By 1:00pm, at the same time I am asking what Chris Collinsworth is fucking talking about, I am also trying to figure out why she is STILL HERE! She has the little TV in our bedroom with a remote at her disposal; yet, she still parades through the room trying to ruin Sunday.
Did the Saints or Chiefs win? I guess I will ask the guy in the Raiders jersey hovering over the apple stand at Ralphs.
October 29th, 2006
Is it just me, or is a guy sitting down to watch NFL football on Sundays a trigger for women to get fucking annoying?
When I should be enjoying football, I sometimes feel as though I am under a mortar attack. I live in California, so all the games start at 10am. I usually walk out to the couch, turn on the HD, and get ready for action.
But it never ceases to amaze me all the nagging I get!
-When are you going to rearrange your surfboards?
-Are you going to bathe your smelly dog?
-We need to go to the Farmers Market today. I know it is 2 hours away, but we will save 3 cents on a head of lettuce if we go now.
-Is this the only thing on TV today?
-Hey, Desperate Housewives is on soon, what time does this game end?
-I think we have ants in the bathroom.
-You don?t love me anymore.
-Do you think those cheerleaders are hot, I think they look like sluts.
-I wonder if Angie Harmon is at the game.
It fucking amazes me, apparently in my world, ants only get found in the bathroom on Sundays. They don?t come out on Tuesday afternoon?oh no, just Sundays. And certainly, the dog smelled like fucking expensive cologne on Wednesday, but on Sunday, he smells like a ball of shit.
?No, Football isn?t the only thing on, it is the only thing we are watching today. I think the lettuce from Ralphs is just as good as the lettuce from Bangladesh. No, I don?t think the cheerleaders are hot, that is just something that gets EVERY OTHER GUY OFF NOT ME ??.. EVER SINCE I MET YOU I HAVE BEEN SO OBSESSED WITH YOU THAT I CAN'T THINK OF GIRLS IN COWGIRL SKIRTS KICKING THEIR LEGS AND BOUNCING AROUND! Is Angie Harmon a first string cheerleader? Then NO I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS.?
AND THEN THE ABSOLUTE WORST!!!!!
-What is ?holding?? Why does that player only have one thingy on his facemask? What is a? red zone? Do think the blue team will win or the red team cause I THINK THE BLUE TEAM WILL WIN!!!?
Yep, this is when they start sitting down trying to make football a couples event! Pure torture!
Funny more, the night before, no matter what we are doing, I try to express what MY plans are and what HER plans should be.
?You know what, there are some big games on TV tomorrow, I am going to watch them. I am so excited. If I were dying from brain cancer, next to going to the mall with you and holding hands, watching tomorrow?s lineup would be my last wish.?
And her response, every time:
?Totally, I am going to go have my hair done and then stop by the grocery and see if apples are on sale.?
By 1:00pm, at the same time I am asking what Chris Collinsworth is fucking talking about, I am also trying to figure out why she is STILL HERE! She has the little TV in our bedroom with a remote at her disposal; yet, she still parades through the room trying to ruin Sunday.
Did the Saints or Chiefs win? I guess I will ask the guy in the Raiders jersey hovering over the apple stand at Ralphs.
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