Dissecting an "i'm leaving some-oscure-program.com" thread
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To All My Friends on GFY,
I am officially leaving [INSERT OBSCURE PROGRAM NAME] on [insert date]. (1)I want to say first, that the parting was amicable. There is no drama (sorry guys). I love everyone there and have nothing but great things to say about them. (2)We had a great time and did some great things and I remain fully confident in [INSERT BOSSES NAME HERE] to continue to build [INSERT PROGRAM NAME] into one of the (3)industries leaders in [insert dumb and naive ideas of what unnoticed achievements makes them special]. (4)As for myself, I will be taking some time off to pursue several projects which I have had on the back burner for some time now.
(5)I want to thank you all for all your support and help in this business and for making it one of the best times of my life. (6)Should you need to reach me, you can contact me at [email protected] or on ICQ 123-532-53245-2154-676-54
Thanks again for the memories and great times
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1) --- this is the most important part of the whole post. this is where they attempt to set the tone and pre-emptively deflate and deter any potential arguments and comments that they are fuck ups.
when you see the phrase - "our parting was amicable" inserted at the top, it should read: "i am an intollerable and incompetent jerk with my head up my ass. we agreed not to trash each other publically, if i would just pack up my shit and leave quietly... besides, i stole the webmaster database and member e-mail database so fuck them, i get the last laugh anyway"
2) --- the important second part, is to make sure they dont burn any bridges with their employers friends... while at the same time, adding weight to the previous lie that they are not an asshole.
3) --- everyone loves to throw in the "industry leader in..." part. it makes them look like they were a part of something that mattered and not the peon, shoveling shit for 4.99/hr that they are (haha.. ok "were" before they were dismissed)
4) --- this part is critical. they all they can to remove any sense of desperation from the post by making it sound like they are now leading a team to colonize Mars. it makes perfect sense and people will buy into the idea that their 7 yr stint as customer support for "trannies fucking donky's.com" was just something they really did out of love.
besides, its important to add a sense of mystery and excitement so that the post won't be percieved as the "oh my fucking god, rent is due and i dont have a job anymore" post that it is.
5) --- thanking everyone is critical. in spite of the obvious posturing, these are the people that will be getting their impossibly shitty resumes, countless e-mails, unanswered phone calls and blocked ICQ's begging for a job next week.
what is really being achieved here is an apology that says "sorry you paid for everything everytime you saw me at a show or party and all i ever did was leach off you and your friends but shit man, i really need a job now... so lets start over and wipe the slate clean"
6) --- since they are really posting a "oh man, i really need a job now" thread. leave contact info. who knows. this is a business full of smoke and mirrors and the people that fall for it. they might get lucky and end up submitting galleries for someone later in the same day.
To All My Friends on GFY,
I am officially leaving [INSERT OBSCURE PROGRAM NAME] on [insert date]. (1)I want to say first, that the parting was amicable. There is no drama (sorry guys). I love everyone there and have nothing but great things to say about them. (2)We had a great time and did some great things and I remain fully confident in [INSERT BOSSES NAME HERE] to continue to build [INSERT PROGRAM NAME] into one of the (3)industries leaders in [insert dumb and naive ideas of what unnoticed achievements makes them special]. (4)As for myself, I will be taking some time off to pursue several projects which I have had on the back burner for some time now.
(5)I want to thank you all for all your support and help in this business and for making it one of the best times of my life. (6)Should you need to reach me, you can contact me at [email protected] or on ICQ 123-532-53245-2154-676-54
Thanks again for the memories and great times
===============================================
1) --- this is the most important part of the whole post. this is where they attempt to set the tone and pre-emptively deflate and deter any potential arguments and comments that they are fuck ups.
when you see the phrase - "our parting was amicable" inserted at the top, it should read: "i am an intollerable and incompetent jerk with my head up my ass. we agreed not to trash each other publically, if i would just pack up my shit and leave quietly... besides, i stole the webmaster database and member e-mail database so fuck them, i get the last laugh anyway"
2) --- the important second part, is to make sure they dont burn any bridges with their employers friends... while at the same time, adding weight to the previous lie that they are not an asshole.
3) --- everyone loves to throw in the "industry leader in..." part. it makes them look like they were a part of something that mattered and not the peon, shoveling shit for 4.99/hr that they are (haha.. ok "were" before they were dismissed)
4) --- this part is critical. they all they can to remove any sense of desperation from the post by making it sound like they are now leading a team to colonize Mars. it makes perfect sense and people will buy into the idea that their 7 yr stint as customer support for "trannies fucking donky's.com" was just something they really did out of love.
besides, its important to add a sense of mystery and excitement so that the post won't be percieved as the "oh my fucking god, rent is due and i dont have a job anymore" post that it is.
5) --- thanking everyone is critical. in spite of the obvious posturing, these are the people that will be getting their impossibly shitty resumes, countless e-mails, unanswered phone calls and blocked ICQ's begging for a job next week.
what is really being achieved here is an apology that says "sorry you paid for everything everytime you saw me at a show or party and all i ever did was leach off you and your friends but shit man, i really need a job now... so lets start over and wipe the slate clean"
6) --- since they are really posting a "oh man, i really need a job now" thread. leave contact info. who knows. this is a business full of smoke and mirrors and the people that fall for it. they might get lucky and end up submitting galleries for someone later in the same day.
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