Pumpkin Picking, What the fuck?! (Rant)

What a rip off! I use to go when I was a kid and you picked up a couple pumpkins from the ground and brought them home for some juvenile delinquent to smash on your road later on that night. Simple and inexpensive fun for the kids.

Now I am convinced it is a complicated conspiracy to milk you for every dime you have and funnel it to the Republican campaign by pulling the wool over your eyes and trying to fool you into thinking it's part of a real holiday or something...

First, it's not just a bunch of pumpkins in a pile, theres all kinds of haystacks and shit for decorating your house, gourds, other things that look like nuclear treated pumpkins, and now...Maze (dried corn) and stalks to buy, which really pisses me off. Where do we come off calling it Maze? We have the nerve to rape the American Indian culture just a bit more by using the word "Maze" in order to make you buy it...I mean after all it's not just dried old corn...it's MAZE!

Then there's fucking pony rides, and hayrides and all this stupid shit, by the time your done it's a goddamn C-note for a couple fuckin pumpkins.

Also, used to be a pumpkin cost a certain price, there was the $1 area, the $3 area or the ever famous all you can carry for $10 deals which we used to love. Now it's $.45 per lbs. And these are heavy fucking pumpkins. I'm convinced that they genetically breed them heavy on purpose and I would not be surprised, not in the least, if lead weights didn't pour out of these things when they are cut open to carve. That's why you encouraged to paint them now...so you don't find the weights!!!

Anyway, now the kids see pumpkins and go fuckin nuts for some reason. Pumpkins are like catnip for kids. They start running all over the place like maniacs and your yelling at them to come here, they are ignoring you. of course your kid falls in the mud and has mud all over his pants (Another visit to the fuckin Gap I guess) and you have to get it all over your car now. There's always the kid that breaks his ass on the smashed open pumpkin guts and cries as if he were just murdered because he now has orange goo all over him. Got that little bastard screaming in your ear while you try to balance the stupid plastic wheel barrel.

Anyway, after all is said and done you could have went out to a nice restaurant and had a nice meal for the same cost as a few stupid pumpkins.

This is the first year I saw them introduce what is, i guess, the newest addition to the rip-off, roasted corn, buttered and right on the cob with the stalks peeled back. You would think it was crack the way people lined up for this stupid shit. Oh , Jesus! you just have to have roasted corn, what would happen if you left without the fucking roasted corn? Now you got people on line yelling across you to people on the other side, "you want butter? butter? what about salt? huh? they have white corn too! you want white corn?!", I want to grab a pen from my wife's bag and jam it in the fucking guys neck like in casino..."here's your fucking corn asshole!"

Anyway, it's a rip off. Take it from me, go to the supermarket and get your kids a few fucking pumpkins. Done!

I'm gonna go take my pill now.