So my daughter punched a boy in the face today...

Fitty Fights

Sometimes punches seems to say more than words

tell her to wait til after school and off the grounds, that's what I did.

violence is never the answer..
but why does war exist?

Baddog- I know you raised a daughter...have you dealt with this before and how would you have handled it at this age? I sincerely would like to know your input as you have walked the path before me. thanks!

you raised her right my friend i wouldnt ground her but i would remind her that bodily force is only acceptable in self defense. i would say that incident qualifies as self defense.

the apple didn't fall far from the tree

Wait, do you know more than whats here in the thread? I didnt see anything other than 3rd grade teasing? What does that mean?

May we know what the boy did? It's kind of important dont ya think?

I am trying to imagine my daughter ever slugging someone in the face. It is not happening.

Since so much time has passed I guess the only options available are to go to the kid's house and apologize. For punishment . . . you need to explain to her what assault and battery is and how you can get in trouble for her actions. A serious discussion about the difference between being the aggressor and defending yourself.

Maybe write "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" 100 times . . . on paper. No cut and paste with the laptop.

What incident? Teasing?

I say good for her!

I know we're talking about very young children but most social skills & dynamics are formed at very young ages and those skills (either good or bad) strengthen as kids grow up and kids have a tendency to gravitate toward others who share their social skills rather than change them. That just serves to reinforcing them.

Doing nothing could eventually lead to her accepting that it's ok for stronger kids to tease/bully weaker kids and accepting that she falls into the "weaker" category. That's damned hard to overcome.

She stood up for herself and that should be praised and reinforced as a parent. Now, you only need to work on the "how to do that" part - and that's a much easier task to accomplish.




Of course, you can't discount the possibility that the boy loves your daughter but doesn't possess the social skill sets to show it!

I can still remember my first love's name from the 4th grade - Molly Cappozi. I bet you dollars to doughnuts he'll remember the day a girl punched his lights in for teasing her.

I think we should make grade school/junior high fistfights mandatory. Get it all out of them before they get older and cause real damage!

Oh on a more serious note... even though I totally agree with the comment I just made, LOL... it sounds like your daughter was just teased and she did in fact overreact and she really is the one at fault. Kids get teased, part of life. She'll learn quick enough.

lmao at 30 hours of community service for first offense... Best way to be hated by your kid..

If she was being teased and didnt like it she should have walked away. If she swung first and it sounds like she did, she should be grounded. Letting her know that there is no consequence for trying to solve a problem with violence is not OK in my opinion.

I have a 13 year old son who got in his first fight this last fall. It was not that bad, he had a couple of small cuts on his face and so did the other kid. Overall it was one of those things where kidding around went too far (game of mercy). My son and him were and still are friends to this day. What sucks is this happened in the hallway between classes. Once the fight was broken up the police were called and school was stopped while the officer conducted an investigation and interviewed witnesses. At the end of the incident his report was inconclusive because 30 kids gave 30 different stories. My son was suspended for 6 days and I grounded his ass on top of it.

Not criticizing your parenting skills. Just giving my opinion

I don't know, this is one of those things I just wouldn't even consider important enough to solve.

Kids are kids, no big deal, nothing worth talking about.

But I was raised in the "wildlands".

nice! way to go!

I totally relate to that. There has been teasing and bullying amongst kids all year, probably domino effect of what parents going through in this economy and may have more tension at home and need to let it out. whatever it may be, I agree she did overreact.

And she agreed as well per my earlier post. But I took it further and asked her why else does she think she did that.

"she said 'I was tired and I missed you and so all of it together my fist just had a reaction and acted out what I was feeling."

So yes, teasing happens, she has handled it well, better than most kids dealing with it. So she is aware she overreacted but also said why more than just being teased. So she checked in with herself beyond the outlaying reason.

That is good stuff so if I ground her, then it may impact her being so open about things. I guess i have to choose my battles more strategically than ever as she gets older.

But I am listening, hence my posting.

thanks much!

gfy at its best

just have her call the kid to apologise... end of story if she is old enough to converse like that with you.. she is fine

Treat her to a Friendly's ice cream. Obviously, she won't
have any more bully issues for a while. Good for her for
standing up for herself.

After thinking about this some more, and being a parent myself now, I think I've changed my mind on some things here.

First of all, you're going to need to deal with teasing in your life. Maybe the boy likes her and doesn't know how to present that properly? They're 8 year olds, their actions don't always make sense to us. Hell, if I really liked a girl I'm sure I wouldn't present myself right either, NOW.

So is the answer that when you get teased, you punch people in the face?

Is it just okay because it was a boy that teased her, and she's a girl? Can she hit girls who tease her? Can boys hit girls that tease them now too, following the same logic?

Imagine if the table was turned, your girl teased a little boy, and he "punched her in the mouth". How would you feel about the boy? Would you be happy if he went home, was not grounded, and his parents could hardly hold their laughter in? You would go apeshit.

It's not okay to hit people at school because you got upset. It's only okay to hit them back, because then you're already in a fight.

Second, I think it's natural to be proud of your kids for standing up for themselves, however a lot (98%?) of that is the parents own ego coming into play. You like to think of your kids as strong, so checkmark there. You like to remember when you had kid fights, checkmark there too.. You kind of selfishly like that feeling of power, that your family was the "winner" of something. ....When I say "you" I don't mean literally, nothing personal, just in general.

Nobody wants to see their kid on the shit end of the stick in any situation, yet there are winners and losers in everything. I think most parents that complain to teachers, complain to principals, write letters and generally try to protect their kids at school are doing nobody a service but themselves, and are being very selfish.

When my son is old enough to go to school, I'm going to do my best to stay 100% away from how they do things there. I can't control it, it's not my decision, and I trust them to make responsible decisions. If they drive me too nuts, I will have to move schools. However I won't complain to teachers or the principals about anything. If my son has a bad day at school and everything went against him - well, I hope he learns some life lessons, which are going to be 100000x more valuable than whatever they taught him that day at school anyways.

You have to let them fall down, you have to let them get back up by themselves, and you have to give them freedom to make their own decisions, even at 8 years old. If something is not "fair" then welcome to life my boy.

Glad you posted...actually another kid told the teacher just to fuel it all.

But you are right, let them fall, get up and give them freedom for decisions. which is exactly what happened.

she fell by lowering herself, but got up, admitted it and knows it was her freedom to choose who she was going to be in that moment.

May not have been right in that instance but she is aware it was the wrong decision.

so it all goes back to does she get grounded even though she has learned her lesson more than what a grounding would? that is where I'm at.

thanks for the input for sure though!

Someone should forward this thread to the boy's parents so his Dad can teach him the pimp hand.

Jesus, that's some insightful shit right there.

Why'd you bother posting on GFY?

thanks for everyone's posts and opinions.

I think I am going to actually ask HER if she thinks she should get grounded and why or why not...

not that it will be my final answer, but I am interested in what she will answer and her reasoning. See if she is working it or stays in authenticity.

Bigger learning lesson I think by flipping it to her and what she would do if she were in 'my shoes' and letting her think it through and breaking that down together..till we hit the core of it all and go from there. I think a lesson that could give her more than just a grounding itself.

But we shall see...LOL, I feel like I am doing a company assessment to find the pieces to make it even a stronger co.


ok, this should be interesting. bbl with result if interested.

thanks again all for a great conversation in this thread!

You only feel that way because you do not have children.

I have been in a couple fights as a kid. I also was lucky enough to be born in a time when everyone was not as lawsuit happy. She has portrayed her child as being exceptionally intelligent and therefore should know damn well how to handle herself in a teasing situation. I also know my parents would not allow me to play them. I had zero damn issues with getting grounded. It rarely meant anything and typically does not for most kids with a decent amount of intelligence.

There were times where I had to fight and other times when I should not of fought. My parents understood both and punishment would differ based on which it was. It was never easy to explain a situation where you had to fight with no other choice either. I had to make a very strong case. Now my father in particular would still be glad or proud if/when I won a fight, that however did not dictate if I should be punished for it though. Those where very separate feelings.

Did not become disabled until my early teens.

You summed it up with what has the world come to. As I stated when I was younger courts never would of been brought up, today though it is a very different time.
I will say I did have to do several bouts of community service dictated by my parents. I have had to pay for damages, turn myself in for stealing a candy bar, and other crap as well - again all punishments directed by my parents.

do you live in florida? I saw a girl punch a boy in the face and it knocked his ass down yesterday, it was crazy. He was way bigger too.

That sounds very reasonable of you. I suppose the more important thing is the lesson, however I think you're playing a bit dangerously to assume she's not learning something else here too. Like all she has to do is feign learning and she takes all punishments off the table? Kind of like learning that if you cry loud enough, you get what you want.. It may not be apparent to her this go around, but she'll catch on. Learning a lesson is one thing, doing your punishment is another.

You don't have to ground her. What about making her do something nice for someone she doesn't like?

Are you saying everyone here is below receiving insight?

Besides, I just elicited your 10th response in 5 years, that has to be worth something?

Good for her. Teaching your kids to stand up for themselves is the most important thing they can learn. Don't listen to all the old women who act like a little kid hitting another little kid is some kind of capital offense. Teaching your kids that it is OK or required to accept abuse from bullies will only prepare them for a lifetime of eating shit.

I really appreciate your post. thanx

Yeah, but you know I was a boy, that's something different, you never speak about your fights with parents.

I was mainly reacting on that hysteria, that sometimes arises, someone would almost threaten you with a lawsuit, teachers can't defent themselves if a kid starts go berserk, all those anonymous anti violence lines that are ringing immediately once something happens etc.

Like this might be a little bit too hard to understand for someone who lives in it, I never was physically punished as a kid etc. or whatever, just a slap was not worth talking about, and I just find some things at some times a little bit absurd if you ask me.

bravo...

Well, it does depend on what the little bastard was doing to her now don't it? Wheather she had poor impulse control.

My son 7 years old had standing orders not to start fights in public school. He was also told not let anyone bully or intimidate him. He was to tell the teacher and let her handle it.
The whole teacher thing didn't work out too well as they didn't care enough to handle the situations properly.

So he got new marching orders from daddy after a bully did some stuff to him one day and the teacher didn't do shit about it.

The new orders were that if the little bastard does that to you again, you do what you have to do to make him not want to do that to you ever again. (My son has been doing Gracie Barra JiuJitsu for 2 years and took 2nd place in NAGA) >;-))

Luckily for every one the school year ended without incident and my son is now in private school where the teachers really care and have a handle on the situation.

His martial orders have been fully revoked and he is not allowed to hit or fight at this school at all, he MUST tell the teacher. (zero problems and zero tolerance with violenece at this school, he's been there for one year and all is well and no more bullies)

All I'm saying is she may not have been 100% wrong in busting the lil dude in his pie hole.

kids these days

Yeah, I found my password finally.