(POST 4,000) - Stupid Retarded Products Volume 01 (pics)

I guess rich people's kids need to have white trash candy too, but they can't just have it dispensed from a little rinky-dink plain plastic dispenser, oh no, they have to have a designer plastic dispenser covered in crystals. Sure, it may not cost five thousand bucks (it retails for $65.99) but what the fuck is the point of this shit? Do rich people really have to spoil their kids that much that they have to buy them 70 dollar pez dispensers? With that said, this item almost failed to make this list because Pez rocks, no matter if it's coming from a 2 cent plastic dispenser or a 50 thousand dollar diamond encrusted, solid gold dispenser.




This item would actually be great if it worked. Unfortunately, it doesn't. Well unless the goal of the product is to increase the temperature of your car substantially, instead of cool it. If that's the case than mission fucking accomplished, this product works great! It will increase the temperature of your car/truck/van/whatever the fuck you are driving by ten degrees or more. Couldn't fry an egg on your dash before? Try out this little product, maybe your wish will come true! This thing is just fucking retarded (you have to 'seal' the top of your window with the rubber seal it comes with that is just a pain in the ass) and the only people that should buy these are mormons (not morons, even they know to stay away from this crappy ass shit).




Mmmmmm, it's meat shaped bubble gum, the best idea since a solar powered flashlight! Wait wait wait, WHAT? It's fucking GUM! Gum should never resemble meat in any fashion, I don't care if it tastes like 'normal' gum, some things just should NOT be done. It's just like green ketchup. Sure, it may have tasted the same damn way as the traditional red ketchup, but just as soon as you started to dip your food into that nasty looking baby-shit green color, you just couldn't keep on eating with a clear conscience.. This retarded 'meat bubble gum' is just like that green ketchup... it's neat for around 45 seconds, then you just want to throw up -- Kinda like right after an abortion.




If you didn't think you could buy something utterly retarded for your computer, you were WRONG. WAY wrong. Like George-Bush-Riding-a-Segway WRONG. Nothing about this stupid shitty product makes any sense! Your computer is already hot enough as it is, why take it up a notch with a fucking mini oven inside one of your drive bays? It's RETARDED, it doesn't make ANY SENSE, and not even the fattest of fucks could really enjoy this product. Sure, you can put mini bagels and mini pizza bites and bread and poptarts in it and cook/bake it and you don't even have to get off your fucking ass to enjoy their godly goodness and their delicious smell... *moans* ... wait, no, this idea is FUCKING RETARDED and if anybody buys this they are either a reject for the special olympics or a democrat.




Oh Jesus FUCKING CHRIST, are we living in such a lazy society that we can't even be bothered to LIFT A FUCKING FINGER anymore? This shit has got to stop people - yeah, this item is probably supposed to be a 'prank', but what the hell is funny about it? I mean come on, what the FUCK? We have to have a REMOTE CONTROLLED flipping system because our fat asses can't be bothered to lift an arm up? GOD DAMN IT, fuck this shit, I'm not going to chew my food anymore because I'm too fucking lazy. I want ALL my food in liquid form and so should you. Anyone who disagrees is a terrorist!




Yeah this is a real great idea. A lot of kids are scared of the porcelain beast so you get them their own little toilets to 'warm' them up the idea of sitting on the throne. They get nice and comfortable on their own little toilet then all of the sudden they hear a booming voice: "I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL IF YOU DON'T SHIT IN ME NOW". Yeah that's right folks, you can record custom messages on this toilet of wonder. Awesome. Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Way to fuck up your child for life. With that said, this is seriously one of the best inventions of the 21st century and if you don't buy one of these for your kids RIGHT NOW you are an unfit parent.




Their website states "There are virtually hundreds of uses for the new cool motorized coolers!!". Really? Hundreds you say? Any of those happen to be not queer uses? I mean seriously, who in their right mind (or fuck even those with brain damage) is going to be caught dead on one of these things? I don't care if Jesus has returned to Earth and given all the sinners out there a free ticket to heaven if they will get their asses on this thing and ride around for thirty minutes. Sorry Jesus, but FUCK YOU! There is no way I'm getting on that gay fucking thing. Fuck, not even BoyAlley is this fucking gay, even he wouldn't ride the damn thing.




Yeah we all know kids need to be disciplined and the general consensus is that you don't do it physically that instead it's all just a mental clap trap. That's great and all, and for many kids it'll work like a charm. But this product takes the idea to a whole new level: Let kids discipline themselves! Tired of being a parent but still hoping that billy or little sallie will turn out half decent, not getting anyone pregnant or getting pregnant themselves while still in junior high? Then this product is for you! Just set the timer, tell them to get their asses on the stool then when the time is up BZZZZZT, they know to get off the damn thing and can go off being total assholes again. Eventually they'll learn to set the timer themselves and be completely self-disciplined, taking you out of the picture all together! Ah... I love this product. Fuck it, I'm buying six right now.




They are goggles. For your dogs. Doggles. Get it??? HOW FUCKING CLEVER! I can't wait to go out and buy some of these stupid ass things for all my dogs because my god, we all know that dogs are so retarded that the first thing they do is stare directly into the sun for hours on end. Fucking preppy dogs with their fucking preppy goggles. It's not enough they have hats, clothes, fancy collars and leashes, but now they have snazzy goggles to go along with their preppy dogtastic lifestyle. I swear to god if I EVER see a dog with these things on I'm going to run up to it and kick it as hard as I can then beat the shit out of its owner.




The #1 retarded item on this list is by far the Treadmill Bike. It's an item so retarded that it just oozes a fake, or parody item. But evidently it's real from the videos... and the fact that it was made by Canadians. Who but a Canadian could come up with such a retarded product? WHO I ASK, WHO? Nobody, that's who. This item combines a treadmill into a bike... why you ask? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! I assume it is for someone with massive hemorrhoids who wants to use a bike but also wants to fucking jog at the same time... gah, never mind, I'll never understand this product or Canadians for that matter.