During the super bowl party this weekend my friends and I started talking about the worst shit we have ever taken. I'm not sure how this got started, but it was pretty funny. The idea is: When in your life was the worst place/situation you had to shit in and what happened. The one I laughed at the most was my buddy who got sick in his car and shit his pants while driving then pulled into a gas station and went into the bathroom where he tried to clean them out. With no luck he went back to the car and got a blanket. He threw his clothes in the garbage, cleaned up as best he could and fashioned the blanket into a diaper to drive home.
Here is mine:
I was 21 years old and writing for a music magazine. I had to interview a band that was playing a small club called Satyricon. I was feeling sick, but needed to do this. I get there hoping the band goes on early so I can interview them, watch the set and go home. I then find out that they don't go on for about an hour. I have to shit and there is no way I can hold it. I go into the bathroom. It is rank and nasty. There is about an inch of water mixed with god knows what on the floor. I go into one of the two stalls and sit. I am trying to hold my pants up so they don't hit the floor and get wet. The door has no lock and barely shuts and the place is packed so people are bumping in and trying to come into the stall so I end up just using my feet to hold the door closed. I finish and that is when I realized I didn't look before sitting. There is no toilet paper. I now have to open the door and ask someone to look in the next stall. A guy looks for me and sees nothing is there. Luckily I know one of the owners and he is bar tending that night. I ask the guy who looked for the TP if he will go ask the bar tender to come in here. It takes him about 10 minutes to get there, all the while my legs are starting to go numb. Finally he gets there, I explain what is up and he leaves to get some TP. Another 10 minutes later he comes back with a handful of napkins and says, " This is the best I can do bud."
Having spent about 30 minutes on the toilet I could barely walk when I finally got out of there. The worst part of it is the band flaked on me and never showed up. I could have just left and nobody would have known.
Any good stories?
Here is mine:
I was 21 years old and writing for a music magazine. I had to interview a band that was playing a small club called Satyricon. I was feeling sick, but needed to do this. I get there hoping the band goes on early so I can interview them, watch the set and go home. I then find out that they don't go on for about an hour. I have to shit and there is no way I can hold it. I go into the bathroom. It is rank and nasty. There is about an inch of water mixed with god knows what on the floor. I go into one of the two stalls and sit. I am trying to hold my pants up so they don't hit the floor and get wet. The door has no lock and barely shuts and the place is packed so people are bumping in and trying to come into the stall so I end up just using my feet to hold the door closed. I finish and that is when I realized I didn't look before sitting. There is no toilet paper. I now have to open the door and ask someone to look in the next stall. A guy looks for me and sees nothing is there. Luckily I know one of the owners and he is bar tending that night. I ask the guy who looked for the TP if he will go ask the bar tender to come in here. It takes him about 10 minutes to get there, all the while my legs are starting to go numb. Finally he gets there, I explain what is up and he leaves to get some TP. Another 10 minutes later he comes back with a handful of napkins and says, " This is the best I can do bud."
Having spent about 30 minutes on the toilet I could barely walk when I finally got out of there. The worst part of it is the band flaked on me and never showed up. I could have just left and nobody would have known.
Any good stories?
.... it is true what they say that a woman never truly loves a man till she learns to love his farts .... can't remember the name of the great philosopher who said that... lol ;)
I dont exchange money!
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