My friend just had his leg amputated - GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum

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justinsain

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My friend just had his leg amputated

01-21-2009, 04:07 PM

The week before Xmas my friend was down on one of those little Caribbean islands riding
around on a scooter when he got hit by a bus

It took several hours to receive proper medical attention and the doctor there wanted to take the leg right then but my friend insisted on being medivaced to Miami for a second opinion. Doctors in Miami said with immediate attention they might have been able to save it but it was too late now so they took it off just above the knee. He is married with a young stepson.

I talked with him on the phone and he seemed in good spirits. He has two more operations to go and the doctors say it will be at least seven months before they can try a prothesis. He and I have surfed a lot together and even went to Hawaii once. Since he will be spending a lot of time in rehab and resting I thought I would dig up my video of the Hawaii trip ( 1991 ) and make him a nice DVD to watch and include some other video of him and his friends I've taken over the years. A nice " Good Times " DVD.

Then I got to thinking that this might be a bad idea. He's a big strong guy but to recover from this kind of injury it's much more psychological. His attitude will make all the difference and right now he has a wonderful support group. Maybe the DVD would have the wrong effect and make him depressed after seeing all the stuff he has done and might not be able to do again.

My intentions are to at least help him pass the down time and it would be nice to help sustain his positive attitude.

So GFY psychologists, is the DVD a good or bad idea?
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dav3

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01-21-2009, 04:12 PM

That's a touchy situation and could go either way. It's probably too soon. Maybe you can chat with his wife and ask her what she thinks about the idea.

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#3

01-21-2009, 04:13 PM

Sounds like your heart is in the right place but might not be the best time for it. Maybe find examples of people who've had that injury and recovered nicely from it. In this day and age there is no reason for him to think his life will never be the same.
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justinsain

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01-21-2009, 04:20 PM

Originally posted by dav3

That's a touchy situation and could go either way. It's probably too soon. Maybe you can chat with his wife and ask her what she thinks about the idea.

I did speak with his wife and his brother, who is my closest friend and they both said to do it and encouraged me to do so. However, they are not psychologists and most likely are thinking the same as I was initially but after thinking it through I'm not so sure it's a good idea.
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#5

01-21-2009, 05:12 PM

Don't think I'd want to see something reminding me of what I might never get to do again!!
I think I'd rather try to ignore the issue... but, never experienced, or known anyone who's experienced something like that..
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01-21-2009, 05:36 PM

It's too soon,he's going to go through depression and needs awhile to heal physically as well as mentally.maybe there is some sort of support group available?

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#7

01-21-2009, 05:38 PM

I would give him a little time man... He is dealing with some heavy stuff right now and probably doesn't need to be cheered up that way. I would say face time would be the best therapy now if he wants to see people... Your heart is definitely in the right place though. I would be going out of my mind trying to figure out what to do as well.

Good luck to him.

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01-21-2009, 05:41 PM

the dvd wont pass much time, its a good intention, but i think youre right in assuming it wont go over well emotionally

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01-21-2009, 05:52 PM

ah bleh. Doubt a dvd would pull him down, if anything a bunch of people treating him different will.
There will be very damn little he could still not do even with one leg. They have done fantastic as far as improvements go to prosthetic devices.

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dav3

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01-21-2009, 05:54 PM

You should still make the dvd, but keep it until the time is right. You'll know when that is.

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#11

01-21-2009, 05:57 PM

I say let him know you have it. So if he wants to, he can. If he finds out later that you thought about it but decided for him how it might affect him, it might piss him off.

He might be in good spirits now but it would be hard to predict how he's gonna be 3 months from now... He's probably looped out on pain drugs and in shock.

Trust me on this. Nothing is going to "remind him" of what he's lost. It's in there every minute bubbling away.

I say let him know you have them and let him decide what he's ready for and when.
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01-21-2009, 06:03 PM

I think since you have his family's blessings it is okay to go ahead.

It is apparent that your heart is in the right place, and I believe you will come up with something righteous.

As a former surfer, I am sure that it will inspire him to get through therapy, learn to use that prosthetic leg, and learn to surf again.

Be sure to include some pix/stories of others who have made the journey back:

Also include the inspirational story of Natalie du Toit of South Africa, who qualified for the Beijing Olympics despite losing her leg in a motorcycle accident:

Here is Natalie's story

Tell your friend that people who don't even know him, wish him well, and that they hope he will be back on a surfboard communing with the waves again soon...

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justinsain

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01-21-2009, 06:25 PM

I'd have to make the Hawaii DVD but I already have several others made from trips with his brother, cousin and friends. I also have lots of pictures I've taken of him since he was a young kid which I could mix in with my other pictures and make a couple slide show DVDs. I could hand him 10 or 12 hours worth of stuff he can relate to.

I thought it would be a nice way to pass the time he will have at home and maybe he could have his friends over to watch it with him. Now I'm concerned about how it might affect him. I don't think it should be his choice. He may think he can handle it but it might have an adverse affect on him. It would be like letting him pick the amount of medication he takes.

Right now he is in Miami and has to have the surgeries before he can go to his home town. His wife has stayed by his side and many of his friends and co workers have travelled to see him. He seems to be upbeat and ready for the challenge.

His body will heal and with a little luck he may get a really good prosthetic leg and continue to be productive but it won't matter if his mind isn't into it. Attitude is everything in a situation like this and I want to be very careful I don't do anything to undermine his.
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#14

01-21-2009, 06:31 PM

Hard thing for your friend man I think the DVD sounds like a great idea.
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justinsain

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#15

01-21-2009, 06:41 PM

Originally posted by AsianDivaGirlsWebDude

I think since you have his family's blessings it is okay to go ahead.

It is apparent that your heart is in the right place, and I believe you will come up with something righteous.

As a former surfer, I am sure that it will inspire him to get through therapy, learn to use that prosthetic leg, and learn to surf again.

Be sure to include some pix/stories of others who have made the journey back:

Also include the inspirational story of Natalie du Toit of South Africa, who qualified for the Beijing Olympics despite losing her leg in a motorcycle accident:

Here is Natalie's story

Tell your friend that people who don't even know him, wish him well, and that they hope he will be back on a surfboard communing with the waves again soon...

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I got to meet Bethany Hamilton once, She's the young surfer girl that got her arm bit off by a Tiger shark while surfing at home in Hawaii. She modified her surfboard and went back to surfing. She is truly inspirational. I have pictures and video of her but didn't get to see her surf as the waves were flat. I could add some of that to a DVD but again, when is it the right time to introduce something like that. Now or 7 months when he's ready for his fitting.

I'm thinking the right answer can only come from a psychologist or therapist but I truly appreciate the feedback offered here
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#16

01-21-2009, 08:05 PM

Originally posted by justinsain

I got to meet Bethany Hamilton once, She's the young surfer girl that got her arm bit off by a Tiger shark while surfing at home in Hawaii. She modified her surfboard and went back to surfing. She is truly inspirational. I have pictures and video of her but didn't get to see her surf as the waves were flat. I could add some of that to a DVD but again, when is it the right time to introduce something like that. Now or 7 months when he's ready for his fitting.

I'm thinking the right answer can only come from a psychologist or therapist but I truly appreciate the feedback offered here

No prob - getting input and advise from the Doctors and Therapists dealing with your friend on a daily basis (and who have dealt with many others in similar situations), is a good idea.

Your buddy is lucky to have such a good friend!

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01-22-2009, 12:19 AM

Originally posted by RRRED

I say let him know you have it. So if he wants to, he can. If he finds out later that you thought about it but decided for him how it might affect him, it might piss him off.

He might be in good spirits now but it would be hard to predict how he's gonna be 3 months from now... He's probably looped out on pain drugs and in shock.

Trust me on this. Nothing is going to "remind him" of what he's lost. It's in there every minute bubbling away.

I say let him know you have them and let him decide what he's ready for and when.

This sounds safe. At least in a way you ask his permission to view the DVD. Though I could also feel depress if ever a recorded of all the memories will flash back.

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#18

01-22-2009, 02:26 AM

Sorry to hear that, it's a bad situation dude!

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#19

01-22-2009, 02:55 AM

The "Good Times DVD" sounds like a dreadful idea...

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#20

01-22-2009, 04:59 AM

Originally posted by Deej

the dvd wont pass much time, its a good intention, but i think youre right in assuming it wont go over well emotionally

i agree....
your heart is definitely in the right place...what a cool idea
just right now it might be too hard for him to bear this psychologically and I think it will just be a painful memory right now.

I'd wait on the video a little bit

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01-22-2009, 06:50 AM

I'll never forget the day I met my wife's brother Steve. He had lupus, an autoimmune disease that was more or less eating him alive. Rather, it affected the way his blood flowed to various limbs and without enough blood his limbs slowly died. The day I met him I asked how he was doing and he said "Yesterday I lost my left leg, and the day before that I lost my right leg, but today seems to be going better". He died a month later.

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