What are your best "foot in your mouth" stories?

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  • Cory W
    Deeply shallow
    • Jan 2004
    • 9133

    #1

    What are your best "foot in your mouth" stories?

    Have you ever stuck your foot in your mouth? What are your stories? You know, when you say something totally inappropriate, etc.

    Here are two of mine:

    ------------------



    A couple years back on the fourth of July, we went down to Newport Beach (the cliff area) and posted up to watch fireworks. I set up my camera, tripod and all.

    A large crowd gathered. The location is buried within a very wealthy neighborhood, many of the attendees just walked down, however, some drove in and parked like we (my girl and I) did.

    While the show was going off, and in between the applause, I said,

    "This kind of sucks to be honest. What happened to the big fireworks they used to have."

    I said it and it fell into a pit of silence.

    When the fireworks ceased, and the applause began to subside, and my tripod was almost put back into my bag, one guy spoke up and said,

    "Everyone, lets give a big round of applause to Steve for making this happen. Without him paying for this, as many of you know, the kids would not have had any fireworks this year."

    I looked at my girl and felt like an ass.

    -------------------


    Last year in Phoenix, Gabe found us a modeling agency for the Phoenix Forum. We had them promote our site, Fuck Her Right.com, although the site wasn't launched then (obviously).

    But the price of the models concerned me greatly. When Gabe quoted me the price, it was extraordinarily inexpensive. I was concerned the girls would be terrible.

    But the opposite happened, the girls turned up on time and they were awesome. Super friendly, cute, interactive, it was awesome. We got tons of compliments. There was one girl in charge, she handled the money, the other girls got cut checks from her.

    And then at one of the JBM hooters events, I got approached by someone (damned if I can remember which one of you it was, but if you are reading this, you know). The guy basically told me the models were awesome and that we did great.

    I was a little buzzed from the beers, but I turned to him and said,

    "Bro, it is amazing. You will never believe how much they cost! Lets just say that 4 of them combined doesn't equate for what most hot models would ask. These girls are cheap man!"

    And then one of the models, whom I had no idea was standing behind me, tapped my shoulder,

    "Excuse me, but what did you just say?"

    I am sure I was bright red. I mean, I think I almost fainted from embarrassment.
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  • Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE
    North Coast Pimp
    • Dec 2005
    • 9395

    #2
    Interesting stories!

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    • american pervert
      Confirmed User
      • Sep 2002
      • 6840

      #3
      yeah.. never brag about the cost of models unless you are behind closed doors ;-)
      I can resist everything except temptation

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      • Deej
        I make pixels work
        • Jun 2005
        • 24386

        #4
        "Hey, are you pregnant again?"

        Deej's Designs n' What Not
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        Icq#30096880

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        • Cory W
          Deeply shallow
          • Jan 2004
          • 9133

          #5
          Originally posted by american pervert
          yeah.. never brag about the cost of models unless you are behind closed doors ;-)

          It was stupid. I was just so baffled at how inexpensive the whole deal was.
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          • Lee
            Confirmed User
            • Aug 2002
            • 2977

            #6
            One of my buddies was dropping off a guy from college. He turned into his street and the guy says "just up there on the left", my buddy jokingly comments "shall I see if I can run that old minger over?", the guy replies "thats my mum".

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            • jayeff
              Confirmed User
              • May 2001
              • 2944

              #7
              My own foot in mouth "moment" wasn't funny even if you were there, so one of my father's will have to do...

              During my early teens we had a really bad housekeeper, but my father is one of those people who hates firing anyone so we stuck her out for a couple of years until she chose to leave. The details don't matter but the experience was enough to put my father off hiring a replacement for a long time.

              However he finally decided to, placed an ad and one evening the telephone rang. He started talking and after a while I heard him say that he felt he should explain that he was being cautious because of our experience with the last housekeeper. The person on the other end must have encouraged further comment, because he began in graphic detail to describe this dreadful women and her equally dreadful daughter.

              You can see it coming can't you... but believe me it wasn't obvious at the time that the woman on the 'phone was our former housekeeper

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              • Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE
                MOBILE PORN: IMOBILEPORN
                • Jan 2004
                • 16502

                #8
                a week ro 2 a ago, i went into a gas station and a girl i know was tlaking to the girl behind the counter, and i didn't know what they were talking about, i walked up to pay for my stuff and while walking up i heard only this "he did.." and i jokingly said "yeah, im sure he did!" and the girl looked at me and i was like "what did he do?" and she replied with "he hung himself in the stairway and i saw him when i came home"... right there i went silent and said "well... im out of here now"

                insert foot in mouth.

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                • Cory W
                  Deeply shallow
                  • Jan 2004
                  • 9133

                  #9
                  Originally posted by jayeff
                  My own foot in mouth "moment" wasn't funny even if you were there, so one of my father's will have to do...

                  During my early teens we had a really bad housekeeper, but my father is one of those people who hates firing anyone so we stuck her out for a couple of years until she chose to leave. The details don't matter but the experience was enough to put my father off hiring a replacement for a long time.

                  However he finally decided to, placed an ad and one evening the telephone rang. He started talking and after a while I heard him say that he felt he should explain that he was being cautious because of our experience with the last housekeeper. The person on the other end must have encouraged further comment, because he began in graphic detail to describe this dreadful women and her equally dreadful daughter.

                  You can see it coming can't you... but believe me it wasn't obvious at the time that the woman on the 'phone was our former housekeeper
                  LOL omg.
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                  • Cory W
                    Deeply shallow
                    • Jan 2004
                    • 9133

                    #10
                    Originally posted by LOL :D
                    a week ro 2 a ago, i went into a gas station and a girl i know was tlaking to the girl behind the counter, and i didn't know what they were talking about, i walked up to pay for my stuff and while walking up i heard only this "he did.." and i jokingly said "yeah, im sure he did!" and the girl looked at me and i was like "what did he do?" and she replied with "he hung himself in the stairway and i saw him when i came home"... right there i went silent and said "well... im out of here now"

                    insert foot in mouth.
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                    • BusterBunny
                      perverted justice decoy
                      • Aug 2005
                      • 19291

                      #11
                      i walked outside of the store the other day, get in the car, stick the key in the ignition look up and there is a lady standing there scared and angry.....turns out it was her car and i was just blazed....not quite foot in mouth but worthy of being told
                      my sig caught gonoherpasyphilaids and died

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                      • biftek
                        So Fucking Banned
                        • Jan 2005
                        • 1030

                        #12
                        a couple of years ago , i was at a lan party with some other geeks
                        standing outside having a smoke talking to a few fellow geeks , talking about where we buying computer gear from
                        so i pipe up and say i wont buy from " x store cause the guy that runs it is a fucking tosser , doesn't know fuck all about computers , i ran him down something savage , a kid pipes up with , that's my dad your talking about he runs/owns the store

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                        • Fizzgig
                          Registered User
                          • Feb 2004
                          • 9649

                          #13
                          Oh like I want to relive my most embarassing moments!
                          ---'-,-{@ Sassy Grrrl @}-'-,---

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                          • Scott McD
                            Too lazy to set a custom title
                            • Nov 2002
                            • 67792

                            #14
                            In a conversation, i accidently let slip to my girlfriend that i thought her sister had cracking tits...


                            I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

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                            • SteveLightspeed
                              Confirmed User
                              • Jul 2001
                              • 7940

                              #15
                              When I first was promoted to a management position at the consulting firm I worked for, I was sent to my first tradeshow where I met some "famous names" of the computer industry. I was completely starstruck and impressed. When I came back, during a company meeting, my boss asked me to tell everyone (who didn't get to go) about the tradeshow.

                              "It was great! You wouldn't believe the people I met! I saw the REAL IMPORTANT PEOPLE, not just the usual bunch of LOSERS and NOBODIES!"

                              uh, oops....
                              Last edited by SteveLightspeed; 07-27-2006, 04:47 PM.
                              Abra-cadabra!

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                              • Cory W
                                Deeply shallow
                                • Jan 2004
                                • 9133

                                #16
                                LOL @ Steve....see man, that is like me, when I get excited I forget to think!
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                                • Syl
                                  Confirmed User
                                  • Dec 2003
                                  • 1953

                                  #17
                                  LOL. These are great. I remember one time talking shit about my ex via text message, meant to send it to my friend but sent it to him instead.
                                  Syl
                                  ICQ 304 908 973
                                  [email protected]

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                                  • Cory W
                                    Deeply shallow
                                    • Jan 2004
                                    • 9133

                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by Syl
                                    LOL. These are great. I remember one time talking shit about my ex via text message, meant to send it to my friend but sent it to him instead.
                                    I have done that. It sucks, you stare at it and your face is totally warm and red.

                                    I do that with icq as well.
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                                    • Aneros Josh
                                      Confirmed User
                                      • Aug 2005
                                      • 2038

                                      #19
                                      One of my ex girlfriends used to like it when I would talk dirty during sex...I used to say all sorts of nasty shit but it all came to an abrupt halt when we were going at it one night and in the middle of all the excitement, I called her a "fucking bitch"...as soon as I said it, I knew she was gonna be pissed...sure enough, I ended up with a foot in mouth and a big pair of blue balls

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                                      • HAPPYPEEKERS
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Feb 2004
                                        • 7566

                                        #20
                                        One of mine was.. asking your girl to marry you.. and then asking Rajas girl to marry him.. lol
                                        Please Read All Of My Posts In A Sarcastic Tone So You Get The Full Effect!!



                                        HappyPeekers - April

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                                        • Cory W
                                          Deeply shallow
                                          • Jan 2004
                                          • 9133

                                          #21
                                          Originally posted by Happypeekers
                                          One of mine was.. asking your girl to marry you.. and then asking Rajas girl to marry him.. lol
                                          Ummmmm......I think you left something out woman!


                                          I think you called my girlfriend my fiance????
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                                          • SteveLightspeed
                                            Confirmed User
                                            • Jul 2001
                                            • 7940

                                            #22
                                            Another terrible one... We were doing training classes for a new credit card system that we developed. When the credit application was completely filled out, our system would "interrogate" the data to generate a credit score.

                                            I thought the word "interrogate" was funny, so I started into cracking jokes (in my best NAZI GERMAN ACCENT)

                                            "Zo, who are you? How did you get here! Zo, tell us data, ARE YOU A JEW?" -- not thinking about the fact that the company we were at was a well-known Jewish family-owned jewelery company!

                                            Needless to say, I got no laughs, and an ass-chewing from my boss later that day.
                                            Abra-cadabra!

                                            Comment

                                            • Cory W
                                              Deeply shallow
                                              • Jan 2004
                                              • 9133

                                              #23
                                              Originally posted by SteveLightspeed
                                              Another terrible one... We were doing training classes for a new credit card system that we developed. When the credit application was completely filled out, our system would "interrogate" the data to generate a credit score.

                                              I thought the word "interrogate" was funny, so I started into cracking jokes (in my best NAZI GERMAN ACCENT)

                                              "Zo, who are you? How did you get here! Zo, tell us data, ARE YOU A JEW?" -- not thinking about the fact that the company we were at was a well-known Jewish family-owned jewelery company!

                                              Needless to say, I got no laughs, and an ass-chewing from my boss later that day.


                                              I love this because now I can envision you as an employee, I have really only known you as an owner haha great stuff.
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                                              • Kimo
                                                ...
                                                • Jan 2006
                                                • 11542

                                                #24
                                                the jew comment always gets me
                                                ...

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                                                • SteveLightspeed
                                                  Confirmed User
                                                  • Jul 2001
                                                  • 7940

                                                  #25
                                                  At 19, I worked as a salesman at a small computer store, and it was so slow there sometimes my buddy and I would sneak into the back and get drunk. I heard the door open, so we hid everything away and I came out to greet the customer. But there was no one there, so I assumed they opened the wrong door and left.

                                                  So I yelled to my buddy in the back, "Its ok, no idiot customers in sight! Pour me another shot!" --- 10 seconds later my boss walked out of the bathroom... "Idiot customers? And pour you another shot of WHAT?"

                                                  uh, oops...
                                                  Abra-cadabra!

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                                                  • Cory W
                                                    Deeply shallow
                                                    • Jan 2004
                                                    • 9133

                                                    #26
                                                    OMG Steve you are the worst employee of all time! haha
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                                                    • SteveLightspeed
                                                      Confirmed User
                                                      • Jul 2001
                                                      • 7940

                                                      #27
                                                      Originally posted by WEG Cory
                                                      OMG Steve you are the worst employee of all time! haha
                                                      You have no idea, I've got many more stories like those... I admit I'm a shitty employee, that's why I've owned my own company since I was 27.
                                                      Abra-cadabra!

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                                                      • SteveLightspeed
                                                        Confirmed User
                                                        • Jul 2001
                                                        • 7940

                                                        #28
                                                        During a training class for an AS/400 word processing system, the instructor was bragging about how great its spell checking ability was.

                                                        As an example, she wrote "Please come to my office for a meating" -- and the system quickly pointed out the word "meating" was incorrect.

                                                        So I said "Well thats great, but what if the first letter of the word is also wrong? Change the "m" in "meating" to a "b" and see what it does...

                                                        so without thinking she wrote "Please come to my office for a beating"
                                                        Abra-cadabra!

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                                                        • SteveLightspeed
                                                          Confirmed User
                                                          • Jul 2001
                                                          • 7940

                                                          #29
                                                          Two more quick ones:

                                                          -- Walking up to two customers, asked "May I help you folks?" But as I said "folks", I hiccupped, and it came out "May I help you fucks?"

                                                          -- I worked at a gas station in the winter, and to be polite, I would always offer to pump gas for women, even on the self serve island. I walked up behind one woman with beautiful long hair, "Can I help you with that, Ma'am?" She turned around and I quickly realized she was actually a guy with long hair. "Oh shit, I'm sorry man. I've been sniffing fumes out here all day and I must have gasoline in my eyes!"
                                                          Abra-cadabra!

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                                                          • rants
                                                            Confirmed User
                                                            • Apr 2006
                                                            • 654

                                                            #30
                                                            I accidentally put a carton of to-go food on the hood of my car (I've actually done this a few times with drinks too) and started driving forgetting it was there.

                                                            And all these guys were like pointing at me and telling me to stop. And I thought they were checking me out and being perverted so I got pissed off and started giving them dirty looks, I might have flipped them off too but luckily I didn't that time, until I realized that it was because I had shit on top of my car.

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                                                            • HAPPYPEEKERS
                                                              Confirmed User
                                                              • Feb 2004
                                                              • 7566

                                                              #31
                                                              Originally posted by WEG Cory
                                                              Ummmmm......I think you left something out woman!


                                                              I think you called my girlfriend my fiance????

                                                              hahaha.. ooopps.. now I remember lol
                                                              Please Read All Of My Posts In A Sarcastic Tone So You Get The Full Effect!!



                                                              HappyPeekers - April

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                                                              • SteveLightspeed
                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                • Jul 2001
                                                                • 7940

                                                                #32
                                                                I gotta tell this one too, about my mother at my brother's wedding night dinner. My mother wasn't too fond of my brother's new wife.

                                                                The bride's mother started into a long speech, toasting the newly married couple. "Here's to the new couple, their love is true and will stand forever. They were meant to be together."

                                                                Everyone waits silently to see if she is finished, only to hear my mother from across the table, "Pffffffft yeah right"....
                                                                Abra-cadabra!

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                                                                • Yngwie
                                                                  I am an Alien from space
                                                                  • May 2003
                                                                  • 11118

                                                                  #33
                                                                  Originally posted by SteveLightspeed
                                                                  Two more quick ones:

                                                                  -- Walking up to two customers, asked "May I help you folks?" But as I said "folks", I hiccupped, and it came out "May I help you fucks?"

                                                                  -- I worked at a gas station in the winter, and to be polite, I would always offer to pump gas for women, even on the self serve island. I walked up behind one woman with beautiful long hair, "Can I help you with that, Ma'am?" She turned around and I quickly realized she was actually a guy with long hair. "Oh shit, I'm sorry man. I've been sniffing fumes out here all day and I must have gasoline in my eyes!"
                                                                  ok, you owe me a new monitor.. There's coke all over the damn place lol
                                                                  ICQ: 16544251 - Skype: gator37 @ eastlink.ca - email: yngwie @ isys.ca

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                                                                  • notabook
                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                    • Apr 2006
                                                                    • 9748

                                                                    #34
                                                                    I was watching an American football game with one of my high school buds, a 6?3? man of African descent. I blurted out halfway through the game ?You know, those fucking porch monkeys may be lazy as hell but at least they sure know how to run. I guess the spear chuckers got plenty of experience in their youth while stealing white folks shit and running from the cops?. Well what happened next was certainly surprising: I got knocked in the jaw by my 5?8? white friend. When I asked him just what the fuck did he think he was doing he replied: ?Dude, don?t say spear chucker, you have a negroid sitting not five feet away from you!?. I replied back to my friend ?Thank god he?s deaf then huh??. Then we all masturbated.
                                                                    Last edited by notabook; 07-27-2006, 06:54 PM.

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                                                                    • Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE
                                                                      MOBILE PORN: IMOBILEPORN
                                                                      • Jan 2004
                                                                      • 16502

                                                                      #35
                                                                      steve, more please, these are hilarious

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                                                                      • Varius
                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                        • Jun 2004
                                                                        • 6890

                                                                        #36
                                                                        Here's one from recently at iwantU_Sam's wedding...

                                                                        Oe guy at our table 'fanied' the waitress and we were trying to guess her age. Most guesses fell in the early 20s (this guy was 34). Well after we asked her, she turned out to be only 16.

                                                                        She went away and we started making fun of him, and without realizing she had already returned and was standing right behidn me, I asked him

                                                                        "Dude, why don't you open her blouse and see if red flowers fly out" (referencing American Beauty)....she heard it all and I blushed quite a bit heh
                                                                        Skype variuscr - Email varius AT gmail

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                                                                        • J. Falcon
                                                                          www.AdultCopywriters.com
                                                                          • May 2006
                                                                          • 31587

                                                                          #37
                                                                          Originally posted by FleshJosh
                                                                          One of my ex girlfriends used to like it when I would talk dirty during sex...I used to say all sorts of nasty shit but it all came to an abrupt halt when we were going at it one night and in the middle of all the excitement, I called her a "fucking bitch"...as soon as I said it, I knew she was gonna be pissed...sure enough, I ended up with a foot in mouth and a big pair of blue balls

                                                                          Adult Copywriters



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                                                                          • SteveLightspeed
                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                            • Jul 2001
                                                                            • 7940

                                                                            #38
                                                                            I had a friend that married his girlfriend because she was pregnant and he wanted to "do the right thing".

                                                                            At their wedding, I was one of the groomsmen and required to be there very early for pictures. While the couple was taking pictures with their families, to kill time we found a beachball and started tapping it back and forth between us.

                                                                            I grabbed it and stuffed it under my jacket, pretending to be the bride, "I'm Cheryl, I got pregnant so now Dave has to marry me... My Daddy has a big shotgun..."

                                                                            Everyone turned white and pointed to the side of the room, where the videographer was standing, filiming everything! He gave me a "thumbs up" and just said, "Got it!"

                                                                            um, oops...
                                                                            Abra-cadabra!

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                                                                            • E$_manager
                                                                              Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                              • Apr 2006
                                                                              • 13557

                                                                              #39
                                                                              interesting stories. nice
                                                                              Enjoy more sales with EnjoyBucks!
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                                                                              • GTS Mark
                                                                                Vrume Mark
                                                                                • Jan 2001
                                                                                • 20912

                                                                                #40
                                                                                One of my worst when I was working for Sears in college and a kid came in to buy some VCR for his Mom. Apparantly she is bedridden and cannot come into the store but was a good old customer of ours. So I said well I'm sorry but I better call your mom to verify she wanted to buy this. So I pick up the phone infront of him

                                                                                "Hello Mrs. Brown, this is Mark down at Sears and your son is here and is wanting to buy a VCR, I just wanted to confirm with you that this purchase is alright with you and you want it on your sears card?"

                                                                                Then the kid says... "I'm not a boy..."

                                                                                Oh fuck, LOL!

                                                                                DH

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                                                                                • Cory W
                                                                                  Deeply shallow
                                                                                  • Jan 2004
                                                                                  • 9133

                                                                                  #41
                                                                                  Originally posted by DrinkingHARDEST
                                                                                  One of my worst when I was working for Sears in college and a kid came in to buy some VCR for his Mom. Apparantly she is bedridden and cannot come into the store but was a good old customer of ours. So I said well I'm sorry but I better call your mom to verify she wanted to buy this. So I pick up the phone infront of him

                                                                                  "Hello Mrs. Brown, this is Mark down at Sears and your son is here and is wanting to buy a VCR, I just wanted to confirm with you that this purchase is alright with you and you want it on your sears card?"

                                                                                  Then the kid says... "I'm not a boy..."

                                                                                  Oh fuck, LOL!

                                                                                  DH

                                                                                  hahaha I just laughed outloud.

                                                                                  When I was 16 my friend did that when we worked the Taco Bell drivethru. Then he asked me to come over for the pull around haha
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                                                                                  • SteveLightspeed
                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                    • Jul 2001
                                                                                    • 7940

                                                                                    #42
                                                                                    When I was maybe 10, we had a family-only membership to a community pool. I had a friend (who happened to be African-American) that wanted to go swimming with me one day. So I went to the front desk and said "My family has a membership here." The attendent said "I'm sorry, but your membership doesn't include friends."

                                                                                    I leaned in close, and whispered, "This IS my brother, but from the side of the family we aren't supposed to talk about."

                                                                                    uh, oops...
                                                                                    Abra-cadabra!

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                                                                                    • Romeo GaySearch4Sex
                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                      • Mar 2006
                                                                                      • 472

                                                                                      #43
                                                                                      LOL Steve great stories!

                                                                                      I get embarassed from just about anything, so pointing out one specific instance of putting my foot in my mouth is too difficult when they all just sort of blur together ;)
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                                                                                      • CamsLord
                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                        • Jun 2006
                                                                                        • 3663

                                                                                        #44
                                                                                        some great stories
                                                                                        sig for sale - pornpicz(at)gmail.com

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                                                                                        • tony299
                                                                                          lurker
                                                                                          • Aug 2002
                                                                                          • 57021

                                                                                          #45
                                                                                          My friend handled in new artists in NYC. He introduces me to a new rapper he signed, a nice guy talks about his mother has been such a big part of his life. He shows me one of the copies of his demo, it has a picture of him and a older looking woman on it. I said oh thats your mom with you, he said no its my wife.

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                                                                                          • PhillipB
                                                                                            Just a Simple Carpenter
                                                                                            • May 2003
                                                                                            • 1338

                                                                                            #46
                                                                                            I can't think of one in particular time, but you all know those moments...I call them the "I meant to trip moments"...when you do something embarrassing and try to cover it up?!? But the person that saw you knows very well you're covering it up? And you end up digging a much larger hole...

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                                                                                            • Michaelious
                                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                                              • Jan 2004
                                                                                              • 6720

                                                                                              #47
                                                                                              we were moving to go and talk to girls last night and i was trying to be all cool and tripped on a stair then my mate did the same thing right behind me wonderful

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                                                                                              • Cory W
                                                                                                Deeply shallow
                                                                                                • Jan 2004
                                                                                                • 9133

                                                                                                #48
                                                                                                Originally posted by APN Philip
                                                                                                I can't think of one in particular time, but you all know those moments...I call them the "I meant to trip moments"...when you do something embarrassing and try to cover it up?!? But the person that saw you knows very well you're covering it up? And you end up digging a much larger hole...
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                                                                                                • Pete-KT
                                                                                                  Workin With The Devil
                                                                                                  • Oct 2004
                                                                                                  • 51532

                                                                                                  #49
                                                                                                  Damm steve those are some funny ass stories

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                                                                                                  • kristin
                                                                                                    GOO!
                                                                                                    • Sep 2002
                                                                                                    • 9768

                                                                                                    #50
                                                                                                    I usually have my toes in my mouth at least ...
                                                                                                    Vacares rules.

                                                                                                    "Usually only fat guys have the kind of knowledge and ability that Kristin has."

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