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Though I don't use windowsXP and I'm not sure how the home networking differs on it. I had also expirenced wierd anonmolies with not being able to see the other persons computer at times.
I assume the workgroup name is the same? Are you using a hub or a crossover cable?
I know this probly sound useless but it might help. Try rebooting one machine before the other and vice versa
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