So this week has been stupidly crazy for me, from working like a mule (not a sexy mule mind you) all week to the peak of me nearly getting my foot cut off from my new lawn mower (look, they expect you to read a manual to properly operate the machine, manuals are miniature books!), it's just been a overly crappy time. Well I finally got to go see Superman Returns with a friend and we got into a highly gay debate about Superman's... sperm. Keep in mind that everything below would fall into the SPOILER category, so if you haven?t seen Superman Returns, just don't read any further. Unless you like sperm. Then you can keep reading.
Being an avid superman comic book fan for the majority of my life, I was quite perplexed by Superman having a child with Lois Lane. It wasn't a problem at first as from Superman II we all know that Superman was temporarily powerless and banged Lois like a set of expensive drums, but regardless throughout the movie (Superman Returns) we are questioning whether or not the kid is Supe's or not. Well in Superman Returns, towards the 2.5ish hour mark we actually find out that the kid is his because the kid goes apeshit and murders a guy (now that's going to fuck up his psychology) by throwing a piano at the dude... so now we are 100% certain the kid is his.
Ok, so this is where the debate began. Since there are only three really established ways to kill Superman, those being Kryptonite, Magic, and Gargantuan amounts of pure physical strength (ala Doomsday), we can assume then that all of Superman's cells are near about completely immortal. So Superman bangs Lois, shoots her full of billions of sperm (hell, this is superman bitch, TRILLIONS of sperm). Since then all of his cells are immortal, wouldn't this make it so that his sperm would forever be inside of her, continuously impregnating her again and again and again after each pregnancy? So shouldn?t she have five super brats hanging around?
Well... this debate probably would have continued but it was turning super gay. I never got into my final closing arguments about whether or not super abortions could have been used to terminate her future pregnancies by using kryptonite laced cannula or nice pair of kryptonite forceps. Oh well, maybe during the next Superman movie they will get into the many super abortions she had to endure to get rid of all those half kryptonian freaks.
Being an avid superman comic book fan for the majority of my life, I was quite perplexed by Superman having a child with Lois Lane. It wasn't a problem at first as from Superman II we all know that Superman was temporarily powerless and banged Lois like a set of expensive drums, but regardless throughout the movie (Superman Returns) we are questioning whether or not the kid is Supe's or not. Well in Superman Returns, towards the 2.5ish hour mark we actually find out that the kid is his because the kid goes apeshit and murders a guy (now that's going to fuck up his psychology) by throwing a piano at the dude... so now we are 100% certain the kid is his.
Ok, so this is where the debate began. Since there are only three really established ways to kill Superman, those being Kryptonite, Magic, and Gargantuan amounts of pure physical strength (ala Doomsday), we can assume then that all of Superman's cells are near about completely immortal. So Superman bangs Lois, shoots her full of billions of sperm (hell, this is superman bitch, TRILLIONS of sperm). Since then all of his cells are immortal, wouldn't this make it so that his sperm would forever be inside of her, continuously impregnating her again and again and again after each pregnancy? So shouldn?t she have five super brats hanging around?
Well... this debate probably would have continued but it was turning super gay. I never got into my final closing arguments about whether or not super abortions could have been used to terminate her future pregnancies by using kryptonite laced cannula or nice pair of kryptonite forceps. Oh well, maybe during the next Superman movie they will get into the many super abortions she had to endure to get rid of all those half kryptonian freaks.
Sperm rocks, straight or not god damn it 
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