|
WHISKEY & WORMS A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class
a lesson about the evils of liquor, so ho proceeded with an experiment involving a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now class...observe the worms closely," said the professor, putting a worm first into the water. The worm wiggled around, happy as could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It wiggled about painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked. Little Bobby, sitting in the back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
RAILROAD ACCIDENT
In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court. At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed. "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross- examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried." "How's that?" the lawyer asked. "I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit!"
TOP 11 SIGNS YOU WATCH TOO MUCH TV
11) You end telephone conversations with the phrase,
"You are the weakest link. Goodbye!"
10) You wonder why the people at TV guide have never won the Pulitzer Prize.
9) Your lifelong dream is to say "Live from New York, its Saturday Night!!"
8) You keep wooden stakes and garlic handy in case Buffy ever needs your help.
7) Every time someone angers you, you threaten to "vote them off the island" the next chance you get.
6) You wonder if the dog from "Frasier" will ever be as big as Lassie.
5) You write angry letters in Klingon to the producers of Star Trek wondering why the hell Seven of Nine doesn't get more face time.
4) You wonder if today is the day the coyote finally catches the roadrunner. 3) You end every conversation with "And that's the bottom line, cause (insert your name here) said so."
2) You honestly believe that you can pass medical school based solely on your knowledge from watching "ER". and the number one reason you know you've been watching too much TV...
1) Every time someone answers one of your questions, you ask, "Is that your final answer?"
|