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Why did the reindeer wear black boots?

Because his brown ones were all muddy!

Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him!

128th for the reindeer !!

How do you get into Donner's house?



You ring the "deer"-bell!

What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
"Elk"-a-seltzer!

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?


No, he was "elf"-taught!

Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs !

I?d been trying to set up an interview with Rudolph for months, but when the runaround continued after Christmas, I got suspicious. I could never manage to get past Santa Claus? office. It seemed like every time I called, the same dimwitted secretary would answer the phone, tell me to ?hold please? in a voice that sounded like Lily Tomlin doing her phone operator act, then forward me over to the Big Guy.

?But I want to talk to ??

?Hold ??
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?Hey! I?m not interested in Santa, all right? I?m trying
to ??

?Sir, if you?ll just ??

?Lady, this is the umpteenth damned time I?ve called asking to speak to Rudolph and every single ??

?Profanity is hardly necessary, sir. Where?s your holiday spirit? Now just one ??

?Rudolph! OK? Put me through to ??

?Ho, ho, ho! You again, eh? What?s the matter? Didn?t like the Lexus? Couldn?t untie the bow??

?Yeah. Funny. Now about that interview I?ve been trying to set up with Rudolph ??

I won?t tell you the specific threat I made, but if I find any suspicious presents under the tree next year, I?m calling the bomb squad. Just for the record, Santa knows how to curse up a blizzard. I also think he may have busted his phone.

Anyway, I finally figured out I was going to have to use the backdoor to get this interview since the front office was no help. Being the intrepid reporter that I am, I managed to track down a retired elf who was working, of all places, at a nearby fast-food joint flipping burgers. His name was Ned. During his brief break I got a chance to chat with him in a corner booth. Wondering why one of Santa?s ex-helpers was now in such bad shape, I had to ask how he landed so far away from the North Pole ? and so many rungs down the ladder. Did he get on Santa?s bad side? Was he late for work one too many times? Did he smoke crack?

?You want the truth?? he asked, his deep, raspy voice incongruous with his 4-foot frame.

I nodded. He stared at me for a long time without blinking, his face a well-worn frown with two coal-black marbles slammed into the front of his skull beneath bristling brows that resembled dirty brown caterpillars. I cleared my throat. He settled into the booth and folded his oversized hands.

?You asked if I got on Santa?s bad side. Yeah, well, lemme put it to ya like this: Everybody who ever worked for Santa who ever complained about not getting paid wound up on his bad side. That?s including the reindeer. Rudolph. Blitzer. Dasher. Prancer. Well, maybe not Prancer. Damned wimp. But the rest of ?em you can ask yourself and they?ll tell ya.?

Now we were getting somewhere. I told Ned about my ordeal trying to set up an interview with Rudolph, then asked if he might be able to help.

?What you wanna talk to him for??

?I?m working up a story on the truth about working conditions at the North Pole, and I want it from a reindeer?s perspective. Pretty much everybody?s heard of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, so I figured it would be good to get the straight scoop straight from him. More impact that way.?

For the first time, Ned grinned. His eyes were blazing like a blast furnace.

?Sure, pal. What the hell. Anything I can do to stick it to the fat man. Got a pen??

Later that evening, when I called the number Ned had scribbled on a napkin, I had to let it ring nearly 20 times before someone finally answered. Ned warned me this might happen.

A rude voice barked, ?Who are you, what do you want and why should I waste my time talking to you??

?Are you Rudolph the red-nosed ??

?If you call me that, I promise I will squeeze my narrow little reindeer behind through this phone and rip the tongue right out of your mouth, hear? My nose ain?t never been red, and it?s never been shiny. Santa?s the one with the shiny red nose that glows because Santa?s a damned drunk, all right? Been that way for years. He never shaves, he?s covered in all that disgusting soot. If you only knew which finger he really lays on the side of his nose!?

Rudolph was pissed off, sore and fed up. Years of tugging an overloaded sleigh through the air in miserable weather ? not to mention putting up with Santa?s jolly bullshit ? have more than taken their toll. America?s most beloved reindeer was on the verge of a physical and nervous breakdown. Throughout a rather lengthy conversation, Rudolph fired up one cigarette after another in between swigs of what he told me was Jack Daniel?s.

?First of all, you need to know that I?m not the first Rudolph, which you should have guessed if you have any idea how long Christmas has been going on. I?m Rudolph the XXXVI. I come from a long line of grievously exploited critters, and I?m here to tell you this crap has come to an end.?

?Why do you say you?re exploited??

?If somebody asked you to yank a sleigh full of toys weighing several tons around the world in record time, whipped you when you got tired to make sure you kept deadline, then paid you off at the end of your run with a salt lick, what would you call it?

?Listen, every year at Christmastime it?s the same damned routine, and every year for the past five years, ever since the reindeer started complaining, me and all the other reindeer kept getting the same old tired promises from his merry ass about all these improvements he was gonna make in the off-season. Said he was gonna build the sled out of lighter materials. Said he was gonna recruit more reindeer so that we could all work in rotating shifts instead of one team making the entire haul throughout the night. Promises, promises, promises, right? So me and the other reindeer ? some of the elves too ? we?ve been talking, and we think it?s about time we formed ourselves a union. Christmas Providers Local 1. That?s the name we?re working with.?

?But aren?t there other folks beside you guys who help to provide Christmas??

?Look, chief, let?s face facts. Without us, all those clowns would be outta work. Still, if they want to join up and pay dues, they?re more than welcome. We don?t discriminate, we agitate. Remember what the Rev. Al Sharpton used to say? ?No justice, no peace?? Yeah, well, we kinda put a new spin on that one. Our slogan is gonna be, ?No justice, no Christmas.? Tell me that won?t grab a few headlines.

?Check it out, if a union-hating company like Wal-Mart can be forced to let its employees form a union inside its China operations ? which just hit the news in November ? then what the hell are we waiting for? If Chinese Wal-Mart workers can manage to get a fair contract inside a communist country, then don?t tell me we don?t have a chance. Oh yeah, I?ve been doing my research, and we?re gonna prevail.?

?You just might, Rudolph, you just might.?

?He who makes the toys makes the profit. He who delivers the toys makes Christmas possible. You remember those words, kid. I?m outta here.?

Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !

Name Two of Santa's Reindeer



On a famous TV game show A BLONDE contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

"To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer."

The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question.

"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"

The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'"

"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Here is my submission!

hey reindeer how are you doing :D

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?



He looks at his calen-"deer"!

Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !

Reindeer are mammals that have antlers. The female deer feed their babies milk. The baby deer are called a calf. The calves can be eaten by wolverines, eagles, and Arctic wolves. So their mothers have to protect their babies by fighting. Deer swallow their food. Then they spit it up and chew it again. Sami make a lot of things out of reindeer antlers. Ali

SC4L

The Sami make tools and dolls with the antlers. They make the milk into cheese. The reindeer are warm when they swim across the icy water because they have two different kinds of fur, curly right up on the skin and a long hollow fur. The feet are called hooves and they help the reindeer to not sink down to the mud or snow. The antlers keep the baby safe and they dig the snow with the antlers. Some reindeer live in the U.S.A. and some at the zoo. If the mom has a baby, the baby needs to get right up so it can't be eaten. The enemies are Arctic fox and the wolverine. If the mom does not protect the baby, it will be eaten. Some are not eaten because their moms protect them. There are lots of enemies. A reindeer eats moss, grass, and lichens but if they chew it two times it does not get digested so it comes up to its mouth and they chew it again.

Audy P.

In the Arctic there are a lot of reindeer. The pregnant reindeer go first because with a calf in its tummy it's hard to go fast. Reindeer have many enemies. I know one of their enemies: a wolverine. And the reindeer live in Lapland with the Sami. Those are the people who take care of the reindeer. The Sami make tools and dolls, too. They are warm blooded and born alive. Amari H.

Santa Claus 2000 (PG)


A new contract for Santa has finally been
negotiated . . . Please read the following carefully.

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will
no longer be able to serve Southern United States on
Christmas Eve. Due
to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my
contract was renegotiated by the North American Fairies and
Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Oregon,
Nevada, Washington,
Montana and California. As part of the new and better
contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so
keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third
cousin, Bubba Claus. His
side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal
of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
there are a few
differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents
from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a
bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and
Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on
the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so
please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin'
coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning
him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen now
overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen
..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On
Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on
Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you
also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd
dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh
does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the
words "Back off" The
last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh
back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race
through the letters and the other is a caricature of me
(Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on
34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in
your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg
Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring
Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and
dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make
sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he
bends over to put
presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about
me like Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's
"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." This year songs about Bubba
Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the
South. Those song title will be Mark
Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox" and "Grandma Got
Run'd Over by a Reindeer."

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus
(Member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)

Edit nevermind wrong joke

http://wonderclub.com/Wildlife/mamma...indeer%201.jpg

Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy!

How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

Why did the reindeer wear black boots ?
Because his brown ones were all muddy !

How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back!

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer also works as a maid?
Yup! Comet cleans sinks!

How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?



You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!


128

(linkhotten)

And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the reindeer out first

What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
They're both brown, except the snowball.

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known...

ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Why don't Prancer and Dancer and the other reindeer overtake Rudolph?
Because they don't believe in passing the buck

Why are Father Christmas' reindeer like a cricket match?

Because they're both stopped by the rein.

What game do reindeer play in their stalls?
Stable-tennis!

What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want because he can't hear you!

another comic from me

Accidentally pressed submit twice

ohhh crap I didn't realize someone already submitted that pic thta I posted earlier I just went back and looked.

So here is another submission

MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.

The announcement also included a notice that beginning Dec 9, 1998, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court. Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict.

When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been working on a more efficient delivery mechanism for all of our products for some time, but recognized that the Santa Sleigh has some immediate benefits. We'll use it first for the next release of Windows and Office 98."

In a multimedia extravaganza, the attendees were shown a seemingly endless video stream of products that make up the deal. It ended with a green and red version of the Microsoft logo, and a new Christmas 98 trademark, leading into the announcement of the first product from the deal.

Vixen, the new Director of Holidays and Celebrations said, "The first step is to assimilate Christmas within the Microsoft Organization. This will take some time, so don't expect any changes this year." She continued, "our big plans are for next year, when we release Christmas 99. It will be bigger and better than last year." She further elaborated that "Windows 95 users who sign up with MS Network will get sneak previews of Christmas[99] as early as November first."

Christmas 98 is scheduled for release in December of 1998, though one unnamed source said that it is dangerously close to the end of the year and may slip into the first half of 1999. An economist at Goldman Sachs explained that a slip would be catastrophic to next year's economy and the nation's tax revenue, possibly requiring the IRS to move the deadline for filing income tax returns to three months after Christmas, whenever that was. "But it could be good in the long term," he explained. "With Microsoft controlling Christmas, we may see it move to May or June, which are much slower months for retailers. This may serve to even out the economy over the year."

When asked if other holidays are being considered, Mr. Gates explained that "Christmas is the flagship of holidays, so we wanted to start there. Not all holidays are available for sale, and the remaining will have to show a good long-term business," suggesting that holidays with a short history may not be in the plans.

Though specific terms of the agreement were withheld, a Santa official confirmed that the deal was "sizeable, even for a man of Santa's stature."

Some analysts think that Santa has saturated the Holiday market, and is looking for a means to expand his business to year 'round products and services. Others contend that the Jolly Red Man is looking to retire in Redmond.

A spokesperson for the most famous Reindeer could not be reached for comment.

and another comic fro me...

What do the female reindeer do on Christmas Eve while the males are pulling Santa's sleigh??
They go into town and blow a few bucks!!

this is one funky looking reindeer

Why did Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer cross the road?


Because he was tied to a chicken!

Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?
Because they are both tail bearers !

where did everyone go?

You don't see many reindeer in zoos, do you?
No. They can't afford the admission.

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party?



Because he didn't want to be recognised!