I ran a mile and fought off a pit bull to get to the playboy mansion

For those that did not hear the story, here is my little odyssey.
I left early from the hotel to give myself some leisure time at home to change for the playboy party. As soon as I get home, I get a call that I need to travel out of the way to pick up shirts for the schwag bags for the lucky strike party. This Would be right in the worst traffic at the worst time. Make it better I was already low on gas. I go pick up the shirts and have 50 minutes to do an hour trip and no gas. Milan says try victory, its the best way to go. Thing is I am not sure in the new car what it will do on no gas. The other thing is I am not really sure where I can get gas. Traffic is not helping, gas runs out. So I run a half mile the wrong way and have to run a mile back the other way, time is ticking by "I am gonna miss the fucking webmaster party of a life time". I get there and wait in fucking line while the attendant goes to the bathroom. Ugh, this fuckin sucks!!!! I get to the front and buy a gas can and but 2 dollars of gas, yep less than a gallon. While I am buying some dude touches my ass. He acts like its an accident and I shoot him one of those hey back the fuck up cinderella looks. Some asshole tries to pump my two dollars into his tank but I stop him in time. The pump won't fuckin pump inot the can. 5 times later and I get it done. I walk to the corner and mr fuckin had to touch my ass tries to offer me a ride to my car. "fuck bro, get off my jock" I think, but say no dude, I'm cool. I start the half mile run back to the car, I'm dressed in leather pants and a silk shirt and i am getting fuckin sweaty and I just know I am gonna smell like a fuckin gas station attendant. FUCK!!!!! Right as I am halfway through a dog starts barking. I think He is behind some fence and he didn't see me the first time I went by. Holy shit its a fuckin pit bull and he is running after me. Like I am not fuckin late enough. I think maybe he'll back off, I slow down and try to keep walking, the mfer keeps comin. Closer and closer. I am fuckin freaking. All this shit so I can bring you people some schwag. The dog barks and gets closer, I threaten him with the gas can, I keep goin, hopin the fucking owners will get the fuck out of their fuckin house and save my fabio ass from this fuckin beast. The dog keeps comin, I fight him off again with the gas can, he just keeps comin, I hit him with the can, but I can 't have him bite through this plastic piece of shit. I do it again, yeah all i need is to have to go buy another can and buy 2 more fuckin dollars of gas. Finally the owners come out, but the dog comes at me again. The owner runs out and grabs the dog. Fuckin finally!!!! I run the rest of the way and fuck the spigot doesn't work, I try and I try and I read the directions. I am purin gas all over me, I will never get cigars I need, I'll never make the party and you guys will be SOL on the schwag. People are callin me, I am now mr. fuckin gasoline smell and finally I figure it out. More calls. "dude you need to get here". I wipe myself off with a t shirt, I drive like hell only to find I am totally cool on time, I get the t shirts to sexentertain mike and everything is cool. That is my true story of friday night.