Jay, the first part of your story sounds simply like over-zealous customs agents taking their jobs too seriously. I get that kind of treatment quite often from US customs when pre-clearing at Dorval airport in Montreal. Also, a 20 year stint in Guantanamo is highly unlikely since it is land occupied by US Forces, but I get your drift.
Money. You ought to have known that any US card (credit, ATM, anything) won't work anywhere in Cuba.
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Originally Posted by xxxjay
The lady that takes change for the bathroom makes the same as a brain surgeon, maybe more!
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hehehe.... no.

No offence dude but your story reads like a comedy as I'm sure it is supposed to.
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Originally Posted by xxxjay
Fact is: Cuba sucks balls.
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Fact is: You went to Cuba on a whim, and were completely unprepared and uneducated about your destination.