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1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.
3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.
5. Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
6. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
8. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
9. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."
10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.
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Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she asked, "Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Luke replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Luke interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."
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This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."
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