[JOKE] Cute joke I got in the mail

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  • Trixxxia
    Confirmed User
    • Aug 2004
    • 5600

    #1

    [JOKE] Cute joke I got in the mail

    A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

    A half-gallon of 2% milk,
    A carton of eggs,
    A quart of orange juice,
    A head of romaine lettuce,
    2 lb. can of coffee,
    And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

    As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

    The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, yet intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

    With curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

    The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
  • gangbangjoe
    Ronin
    • May 2004
    • 17693

    #2
    heard before but still funny

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    • Screaming
      I can change this!!!!!
      • Feb 2004
      • 18972

      #3
      and then? (8 chars)

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      • SilentKnight
        Megan Fox's fluffer
        • Oct 2005
        • 24812

        #4
        A trumpeter is hired to play music for a movie but isn't told what the movie is about. Two months later he receives a notice that the movie will debut at an adult theater. On the night of the show, he wears a trench coat and shades to avoid being seen and sits in the back row of the theater next to an elderly woman. For the next two hours, he watches a hardcore porn where the lead actress has sex with a dog.

        "I wrote the score," the man whispers to the elderly woman partway through. "I just came to hear the music."

        "That's nice," she whispers back. "I just came to see my dog."


        SilentKnight

        www.kastlearchives.com
        www.fetishopolis.com
        www.chamberofchains.com
        Last edited by SilentKnight; 10-20-2005, 11:09 AM. Reason: fat finger typo

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        • SilentKnight
          Megan Fox's fluffer
          • Oct 2005
          • 24812

          #5
          A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

          The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

          "Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."


          SilentKnight

          www.fetishopolis.com
          www.kastlearchives.com
          www.chamberofchains.com
          Last edited by SilentKnight; 10-20-2005, 11:15 AM. Reason: typo

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          • LittleSassy
            Confirmed User
            • May 2005
            • 7402

            #6
            Originally posted by SilentKnight
            A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

            The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

            "Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."

            oh my....i ddnt expect that

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            • Funbrunette
              Confirmed User
              • May 2002
              • 4834

              #7
              Hehehehehe! Thanks for sharing Trixxx!
              Stephanie (Funbrunette)
              [email protected]
              ICQ: 155-713-409

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              • 8 Characters
                So Fucking Banned
                • Jan 2005
                • 2336

                #8
                Originally posted by SilentKnight
                A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

                The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

                "Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."


                SilentKnight
                NICE one mate

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                • GlydeGirl
                  Confirmed User
                  • Feb 2005
                  • 1516

                  #9
                  Yay! I love jokes! Thanks for the giggles.

                  Comment

                  • woj
                    <&(©¿©)&>
                    • Jul 2002
                    • 47880

                    #10
                    Originally posted by SilentKnight
                    A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

                    The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

                    "Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."


                    SilentKnight

                    www.fetishopolis.com
                    www.kastlearchives.com
                    www.chamberofchains.com
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                    • Dalai lama
                      Strength and Honor
                      • Jul 2004
                      • 16540

                      #11
                      Lovely thread

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                      • Screaming
                        I can change this!!!!!
                        • Feb 2004
                        • 18972

                        #12
                        horse walks into a bar..

                        jk

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                        • xclusive
                          Too lazy to set a custom title
                          • Apr 2004
                          • 35218

                          #13
                          lol that was good

                          I support MediumPimpin.com / Shemp's Outlawtgp.com /


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                          • Manowar
                            jellyfish  
                            • Dec 2003
                            • 71528

                            #14

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                            • Sparks
                              Confirmed User
                              • Nov 2004
                              • 2466

                              #15
                              lol those are some good ones

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                              • Trixxxia
                                Confirmed User
                                • Aug 2004
                                • 5600

                                #16
                                SilentKnight - love the vaseline one!!!

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                                • RuthB
                                  Let's Get Paxumized!
                                  • May 2005
                                  • 7248

                                  #17
                                  what a great way to brighten the afternoon!

                                  LOL - hilarious jokes!
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                                  • poorwebmaster
                                    Confirmed User
                                    • Feb 2003
                                    • 1137

                                    #18
                                    Damn you are cold!

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                                    • Monique Niccole
                                      Confirmed User
                                      • Nov 2002
                                      • 5653

                                      #19
                                      Originally posted by SilentKnight
                                      A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.

                                      The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."

                                      "Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."
                                      Heard that one dozens of times, but it always cracks me up.

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                                      • amandaspost
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Aug 2004
                                        • 1935

                                        #20
                                        lol
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                                        • pornguy
                                          Too lazy to set a custom title
                                          • Mar 2003
                                          • 62910

                                          #21
                                          That was good.
                                          PornGuy skype me pornguy_epic

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                                          • Th!nk
                                            Confirmed User
                                            • Aug 2005
                                            • 6996

                                            #22
                                            That was so mean! But it's funny though!

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                                            • HammerALL
                                              Confirmed User
                                              • Apr 2004
                                              • 3506

                                              #23
                                              The convict one is hilarious!!!
                                              Mario Amaral AKA: Hammerall
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                                              • Spunky
                                                I need a beer
                                                • Jun 2002
                                                • 133978

                                                #24
                                                Great jokes ,liked the supermarket one

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                                                • DrifterXXL
                                                  Registered User
                                                  • May 2005
                                                  • 51

                                                  #25
                                                  Originally posted by Screaming
                                                  horse walks into a bar..

                                                  jk
                                                  Ouch!!!!

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                                                  • Markit
                                                    Confirmed User
                                                    • Oct 2003
                                                    • 1305

                                                    #26
                                                    LOL

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                                                    • Homer
                                                      Confirmed User
                                                      • Feb 2005
                                                      • 6780

                                                      #27
                                                      I heard that

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