The first time I ever saw porn... or at least I could recognize as pron... was during a garage sale for my grandmother. My grandfather had passed away and my grandmother was selling the house and all of her old crap. I came across a box of playing cards. The images on the cards were not of the normal pictures. They were of naked ladies. Later I was to find out from some of my older cousins that my grandfather had always had porn magazines and such in his office.
Then skip forward a few years. My family got the internet and as any young curious boy, I found porn. At first it was just sort of a curious "I know I'm not supposed to be looking at this" sort of feeling but it eventually grew into more.
Being a computer geek, I was also able to find out that my father had been viewing internet porn. I wanted to know for sure so I used a program called pcAnywhere to both see what he saw on his screen and if I so chose to, take over his computer entirely. I had blocked a few of the sites he regularly went to so I saw him bring up Yahoo and search for other sites. Immediately I took control of his computer and typed "Dad please stop." Then the computer shut off and I heard him pacing back and forth upstairs (I lived in a modified basement at the time).
We never spoke about it. But now I've seen the effects strongly in my life. I've become addicted to porn.
Occasionally I can get a stronghold on it and stop for a few days, a week, even a month at a time but it ALWAYS comes back. I've tried getting help from friends but more often than not they look upon it as a "sensitive subject" and never are faithful to hold me accountable.
I don't know what to do. I saw that this site has an accountability program but I know myself and I know how to find ways around those things so if the temptation became too hard, I know I could just fool the system.
I just feel lost. I feel that I can't do God's will because of this thing hanging over me constantly.
I found a wonderful girl who I have every intention of marrying once I can afford the ring, but I wonder how I can be a husband (or right now a good boyfriend) if I'm constantly cheating on her with internet porn. I don't want to be like my father and sometimes I asolutely hate him for this family curse.
I just don't know what to do.
// Sheesh. That was from http://www.*********.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=14984
People are strange!
Then skip forward a few years. My family got the internet and as any young curious boy, I found porn. At first it was just sort of a curious "I know I'm not supposed to be looking at this" sort of feeling but it eventually grew into more.
Being a computer geek, I was also able to find out that my father had been viewing internet porn. I wanted to know for sure so I used a program called pcAnywhere to both see what he saw on his screen and if I so chose to, take over his computer entirely. I had blocked a few of the sites he regularly went to so I saw him bring up Yahoo and search for other sites. Immediately I took control of his computer and typed "Dad please stop." Then the computer shut off and I heard him pacing back and forth upstairs (I lived in a modified basement at the time).
We never spoke about it. But now I've seen the effects strongly in my life. I've become addicted to porn.
Occasionally I can get a stronghold on it and stop for a few days, a week, even a month at a time but it ALWAYS comes back. I've tried getting help from friends but more often than not they look upon it as a "sensitive subject" and never are faithful to hold me accountable.
I don't know what to do. I saw that this site has an accountability program but I know myself and I know how to find ways around those things so if the temptation became too hard, I know I could just fool the system.
I just feel lost. I feel that I can't do God's will because of this thing hanging over me constantly.
I found a wonderful girl who I have every intention of marrying once I can afford the ring, but I wonder how I can be a husband (or right now a good boyfriend) if I'm constantly cheating on her with internet porn. I don't want to be like my father and sometimes I asolutely hate him for this family curse.
I just don't know what to do.
// Sheesh. That was from http://www.*********.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=14984
People are strange!
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