I put all these analogies together, in one handy Newbie Dictionary
If getting laid was like selling memberships to pornsites....
Getting listed on a big tgp = going to a club
Getting listed on the wrong tgp = accidentally going to a gay club
Submitting a gallery = You're drunk as fuck and hoping the doorman lets you in
Submitting a gallery with partner account = You're drunk as fuck and know the doorman, he might still not let you in.
Paid gallery spot = You're drunk as fuck but the doorman owes you one.
Blind traffic = Your friends set you up with a hot chick but she wasn't told you were fat so she leaves
Email traffic = you ask everyone at the bar, even the oldest and ugliest women, and all the men, to fuck
Search engine traffic = she hits on you first
Members area traffic = she hits on you first, and she's not wearing any panties
Typein traffic = you were the best fuck she ever had or she read YOUR number on the bathroom wall
bookmarker = fuck buddy
2257 = she gets carded at the bar
Getting a gallery view = making eye contact
Getting a click through to the tour = talking to a hot girl
Softcore tour = Walking around at the bar with a sock in your pants
Hardcore tour = Walking around at the bar with your cock hanging out
Popup hell = you are so drunk, you keep asking the same woman over and over, and wonder why you never get laid
Closes the tour without a sale, pops exit console = She's not into you. Introduce her to your friends as a favor to them.
Click through to the join page = she's interested
Fills out the join form = she's partying back at your place
Sale declined by bank = she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend
Bank error = she forgot she was on her period
Giving a complimentary password = fucking an ugly chick instead of your hand
Using your own credit card to join, to test if everything is working = jerking off
Making a trial sale = she gives you a hand job
Making a full sale = getting laid
Upsell = You get to use the poop chute too
Getting a cross sell = she lets your friend fuck her too, now he owes you a 3some with his chick
One-click crosssell = introducing her to your friend, while she's naked in your bed, before she cums
Prechecked cross sell = all your friends fuck her after she passes out
CCbill scrub = Ron is there handing out brochures about promiscuity and STDS
Low CCbill scrub = Ron points out all the slutty chicks
High CCbill scrub = Ron tells everyone you have VD
CCbill and Epoch share the negative scrub list = all the infected chicks in the bar are clearly marked
You have freaky, kinky, crazy, interracial sex = CCbill pays via Epassporte
Good Conversions = Don't change your game, you keep getting laid
Bad Conversions = Time for a new hairstyle and/or clothes
0:10,000 conversions = you have food in your teeth, wrong clothes, unzipped fly, bad hair, horrible acne, thick glasses, and toilet paper stuck to your shoe
Getting your sale shaved by a sponsor = You fucked her but don't remember it
Void = she fucks you, but won't let you cum
Sale that cancels before first rebill = one night stand
Cancellation discount = telling her if she stays, you'll let her cum first next time
Failed Rebill = She wants you to call, but you lost her number
Rebill = you fuck her again, but she doesn't really get much out of it
Refund = she tells you that you are lousy in bed
Chargeback = she tells everyone you know that you are lousy in bed
or
Refund = she wants to have sex, but only if she can fuck you with a strap on
Chargeback = she's a tranny
or
Chargeback = you fuck her, but her boyfriend kicks the shit out of you later
Surfer posts his password = you got VD
Server crash after sale = you got Gonorrhea
Permanent DDOS attack = you got Herpes
Feds close you down for selling porn = you got AIDS
scumware = you take her home and fuck her, but a few nights later you notice your closet door is cracked open, your drawers are ruffled through, and your credit cards are rearranged in your wallet
Selling your member list = writing her phone number on the men?s room wall
Emailing your ex-members = drunken midnight booty call
Affiliate program = you give your best pickup lines to your buddy (free content), pay his way into the club (free hosting), and even buy all the drinks he wants (free hosted galleries), and let him fuck her at your house (your paysite)
revshare = she gives you head while he's fucking her, every time
pps = you get sloppy seconds, but she's yours after the first time
Offering multi-site access = if she'll fuck you, you'll give her a car, a nice apartment, buy her clothes, pay off her debts, and give her extra spending money too
Offering a limited trial = you let her taste and smell your dick to see if she likes it
Hidden charges in the terms and conditions = date rape, or fucking her then stealing her wallet
No cancellation button in members area = she's tied to your bed
If getting laid was like selling memberships to pornsites....
Getting listed on a big tgp = going to a club
Getting listed on the wrong tgp = accidentally going to a gay club
Submitting a gallery = You're drunk as fuck and hoping the doorman lets you in
Submitting a gallery with partner account = You're drunk as fuck and know the doorman, he might still not let you in.
Paid gallery spot = You're drunk as fuck but the doorman owes you one.
Blind traffic = Your friends set you up with a hot chick but she wasn't told you were fat so she leaves
Email traffic = you ask everyone at the bar, even the oldest and ugliest women, and all the men, to fuck
Search engine traffic = she hits on you first
Members area traffic = she hits on you first, and she's not wearing any panties
Typein traffic = you were the best fuck she ever had or she read YOUR number on the bathroom wall
bookmarker = fuck buddy
2257 = she gets carded at the bar
Getting a gallery view = making eye contact
Getting a click through to the tour = talking to a hot girl
Softcore tour = Walking around at the bar with a sock in your pants
Hardcore tour = Walking around at the bar with your cock hanging out
Popup hell = you are so drunk, you keep asking the same woman over and over, and wonder why you never get laid
Closes the tour without a sale, pops exit console = She's not into you. Introduce her to your friends as a favor to them.
Click through to the join page = she's interested
Fills out the join form = she's partying back at your place
Sale declined by bank = she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend
Bank error = she forgot she was on her period
Giving a complimentary password = fucking an ugly chick instead of your hand
Using your own credit card to join, to test if everything is working = jerking off
Making a trial sale = she gives you a hand job
Making a full sale = getting laid
Upsell = You get to use the poop chute too
Getting a cross sell = she lets your friend fuck her too, now he owes you a 3some with his chick
One-click crosssell = introducing her to your friend, while she's naked in your bed, before she cums
Prechecked cross sell = all your friends fuck her after she passes out
CCbill scrub = Ron is there handing out brochures about promiscuity and STDS
Low CCbill scrub = Ron points out all the slutty chicks
High CCbill scrub = Ron tells everyone you have VD
CCbill and Epoch share the negative scrub list = all the infected chicks in the bar are clearly marked
You have freaky, kinky, crazy, interracial sex = CCbill pays via Epassporte
Good Conversions = Don't change your game, you keep getting laid
Bad Conversions = Time for a new hairstyle and/or clothes
0:10,000 conversions = you have food in your teeth, wrong clothes, unzipped fly, bad hair, horrible acne, thick glasses, and toilet paper stuck to your shoe
Getting your sale shaved by a sponsor = You fucked her but don't remember it
Void = she fucks you, but won't let you cum
Sale that cancels before first rebill = one night stand
Cancellation discount = telling her if she stays, you'll let her cum first next time
Failed Rebill = She wants you to call, but you lost her number
Rebill = you fuck her again, but she doesn't really get much out of it
Refund = she tells you that you are lousy in bed
Chargeback = she tells everyone you know that you are lousy in bed
or
Refund = she wants to have sex, but only if she can fuck you with a strap on
Chargeback = she's a tranny
or
Chargeback = you fuck her, but her boyfriend kicks the shit out of you later
Surfer posts his password = you got VD
Server crash after sale = you got Gonorrhea
Permanent DDOS attack = you got Herpes
Feds close you down for selling porn = you got AIDS
scumware = you take her home and fuck her, but a few nights later you notice your closet door is cracked open, your drawers are ruffled through, and your credit cards are rearranged in your wallet
Selling your member list = writing her phone number on the men?s room wall
Emailing your ex-members = drunken midnight booty call
Affiliate program = you give your best pickup lines to your buddy (free content), pay his way into the club (free hosting), and even buy all the drinks he wants (free hosted galleries), and let him fuck her at your house (your paysite)
revshare = she gives you head while he's fucking her, every time
pps = you get sloppy seconds, but she's yours after the first time
Offering multi-site access = if she'll fuck you, you'll give her a car, a nice apartment, buy her clothes, pay off her debts, and give her extra spending money too
Offering a limited trial = you let her taste and smell your dick to see if she likes it
Hidden charges in the terms and conditions = date rape, or fucking her then stealing her wallet
No cancellation button in members area = she's tied to your bed
~Accepting design works~ 
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